Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl

Part Three: BOY GETS BITCH BACK (OR VICE VERSA)

I could tell that the interview with Dr. Rupta went well, because during the entire interview Betsy only spat in my face twice. But no matter how well the interview went, I was going to be arrested. Soon. As Tanner said, even though they hadn’t found a body, whatever evidence there was pointed to me. And the cops had to look like they were doing something.

On the bright side, I now had Go’s house all to myself, because the police had arrested her in an attempt to pressure me into confessing. They’d gotten her on some obscure Missouri law against incest. She’d tried to argue that she and I never actually had sex, but the law was written in 1827 when hugging a sibling was considered incest.

I’d thought about bailing Go out of jail by taking out a second mortgage on my house, but I was still pissed that she’d given that press conference, so I figured I’d let her stew for a few days. Besides, her bed was much comfier than the couch. And I was gonna enjoy it, because I’d be sleeping on a flimsy prison mattress soon enough.