Giles' Keeper

I thought there would be joy in this. Giles was right, he could scent that I was fertile, it only took a few tries to be sure of our heirs. Rubbing my still growing belly I stare over the grounds. Everyone is so joyus yet I’m more depressed. Lately my tears never seem to dry up, never seem to cease. Lennon and Cora decided to throw a celebration over the good news. The kingdom’s spirits have picked up even if mine have plummeted. I hate this. I hear Ozul’s familiar steps amble up to the door before he knocks a heavy sturdy sound.

“You may enter Ozul,” I called, clearing my voice dabbing at my tears with a heavy heart. The door creaks open before it closes behind him, encasing his imposing figure in Giles and I’s quarters.

“Giles sent me to retrieve you,” he announces leaning against the wall, his hulking figure filling the wide door frame. His armor glints in the dull uneven sunlight that cracks through the clouds. “You’re saddened,” he states, tilting his head as I give a dying smile.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” I ask, waving my hand out the window. “Everyone is celebrating what could be my death, my children’s death. If possible we are blessed with a healthy pregnancy, will I bear more? I haven’t come to accept the reality. My children will be stolen from me, taking to the sky to forever be gone. I haven’t mourned my past life nevertheless the terrible destiny,” I shrug, bitter as I wipe away more tears.

“You are destined to be Queen,” Ozul shrugs watching me with his orange eyes flickering like flames.

“If you’ve come to gather me for a meal, please leave me be. I’m not hungry,” I wave him off. He chuckles softly making me stare at him arching my own brow.

“Many a woman would kill to be Queen. Kill to share Giles bed, taken by him and be accepted by the royal family,” he states mockingly.

“Yet I was the one betrothed to Giles. I’m the one that shall have her ribs torn from her body. My children are born with the burden of their own destiny. Our babes will be stolen from us to right the world- the weight that they will bear is not light. You expect me to be joyus knowing my children will be punished if they live,” I seeth facing him feeling every emotion swarm my mind like wasps after their hive was attacked.

“You have strong feelings about this,” he smiles slightly. “You will make a good mother.”

“My children will resent being born, my twins will only know our love for a short while until they are called to duty. I am not a good mother,” I wag my finger at him forcing a breath from my body. “My children are my pride and my shame, I will have failed them if they live.” How could they ever forgive me, knowing the destiny that lies ahead?

“Did you resent your parents for birthing you into poverty?” His question makes me stare at him confused.

“Being born poor and being born knowing your life is meant for one thing-”

“Greatness,” he interjects, staring me down hotly. “What you view as a punishment as a human, a dragon view as an honor. Your babes will be blessed with greatness, honored and prayed upon- called on for blessings, for their magic. They are not workers but healers of our people. They will be born with instincts and to deny them that you will lock them in a cage and punish them to darkness.”

“They will be slaves-” He raises a fist, eyes glittering, glowing with fire as he stares me down.

“You may be my Queen, but you will not accuse my race of such barbaric customs. Stop seeing your pain and see what the dawn of this kingdom sees. We lost Honey and Oberon, we lost our guidance, our ancients, our saviors. Giles thought he lost you, his dragon feared your death- felt you slip away. Yet you dare stand before me whimpering at what could be?” I stop cold, feeling the swirling storm still.

“I-”

“This kingdom is in need of a new dawn, one with a bright future. We need sun and moon dragons to grace us, guide us as we age and find our dragons,” Ozul shakes his head walking towards the window to stare out over the grounds, the latest rain weighs heavy on the wind. “When I leave it’ll be Reznor and Giles to bear the weight of the storm, the weight of saving our race,” he sighs as if his mind is in a distant place, far away from the kingdom.

“What has Giles had to face while I was… maturing,” I struggled out. Giles isn’t the same since the coronation. Even Reznor shows signs of stress. Have I been too focused on myself? I frown at that.

“A lot, there’s been small staged attacks by humans as they try to find our weakness. Our magic is dying with all of the draw of storms; it is taking a toll on Giles and Reznor. Father tries to aid in the fight against nature, but at the end of the day. It falls to Giles. He needs his mate supporting him, taking the weight off of him. Your grief is punishment to him, he’s disgusted with himself, you know?”

“Why is he disgusted?” I whisper rubbing at my chest, our connections in the past few months have felt staged and just superficial as if he’s been hiding from himself. I thought it was the stress of the kingdom… Have I been weighing him more pointlessly? Harming his mind?

“You hate your pregnancy,” Ozul shrugs, turning his head to shame me with his accusatory eyes. “It makes him feel as though he’s assaulted you, like he’s no better than a human rapist,” he sneers his eyes like sharpened daggers. His words are worse than the arrow that pierced my belly, ripping my heart and body to shreds. Is that why he waits till I’ve fallen asleep before he comes to bed? I frown feeling the accusation ring, echoing through my body with ripples of unwavering pain.

“He never assaulted me, nor should he believe-”

“Then enough with your twisted thoughts. Are you to say that when your babes arrive you will step away, spending what time you do share with them wallowing in your own misery? Or will you be a woman of honor and cherish your babes like the gift they are?” He steps closer towering over me, his shoulders near twice the size of Giles, his being threatening.

“Why are you speaking on Giles behalf?” I hate that you’re right.

“Giles would never come to you himself on this matter; I want you to think long and hard. For your own punishment will be shared by Giles and your children,” he reminds staring through me with the fire in his eyes that burns me to the core. “I do not care if you wish to punish yourself. But my King and his babes will be excluded from your mental lashing, is that agreed upon?” I stare at him, feeling my shame grow, burning my cheeks as I turn away, swallowing my own pride.

“Thank you for not babying me, even though I am the Queen,” I appreciate him softly taking a seat to dwell on not only his words but my own thoughts.

“It wasn’t for you,” he shrugs carelessly, arms crossed over his chest. It makes me smile.

“I know, that’s why it’s working,” I sigh softly. “I had realized Giles was stepping back from me, I didn’t think that I had hurt him so much.” Why did he never say something to me?

“You aren’t the only that has had to come to terms with things. He almost lost you once; now he faces the kingdom that is falling apart no matter how hard he holds it together. Faces the possibility of losing not only his mate but his unborn babes. Now he doesn’t know if he’ll have to face the rest of his reign without his life partner by his side,” Ozul’s harsh with his words, blunt.

Closing my eyes at the unease that overwhelms my body I sigh. “Did Giles tell you to come fetch me? Or were you on your own mission?” I ask, opening my eyes to face him, watching his smirk appear as he strides towards the door.

“You needed a stern talking to, Giles wouldn’t have done it himself and Mother is her own beast of a task. You should see Giles and talk with him before the celebration commences tonight. The kingdom deserves to see their King and Queen joyus over their growing family. Allow Giles to celebrate in growing his family,” he speaks at the door winking at me before he leaves without another word. I tentatively reach out over our bond feeling his own numbness to it all.

He must be locked in his office. Knowing Ozul is right it weighs my heart down like nothing else. I have to make it right. My heart leads me to his office, the closed door imposing as I knock slightly. ‘You are always welcome in my office,’ Giles murmurs a tingle starting in my belly as I walk inside to face him. He picks his head up from his focus on his desk to offer me a tired smile. “How are you my sweet?”

“Confused,” I admit walking over to his desk sitting on the surface watching as he leans back in his chair studying me.

“About?” Giles inhales deeply frowning as his eyes flash. “Why was Ozul speaking with you?” He folds his hands together rather than drawing me in making me heart ache more. I’ve done this- I’ve pushed him away. I move and settle on his lap watching a small true smile blossom on his features as he plants a tender kiss to his temple.

“I always dreamed when I was blessed with a babe it would be this magical experience, beautiful to blossom and grow whatever family I was to be honored with,” I announce placing my hand on my belly smiling as Giles places his hand over mine treasuring me. “Never could I have imagined the pressure to grow our family.”

“Watching my parents grow my family is different as well. I’m not sure I can recall a time in the dragon’s history where it was faced with the death of both sun and moon dragons, before they were ready to pass on their knowledge,” he offers softly only making my heart ache more.

“I want to hate the circumstances and how overwhelming it all feels. I hate that it’s suffocating. I hate that it feels as if this beautiful moment for us is just a duty,” I sigh opening up about my inner judgements. “But I don’t hate the gift we’ve made together in our babies, you understand that, don’t you?”

“This is hard on you my sweet, I do not blame you for feeling the things you do,” he kisses my temple tenderly rubbing my belly with the utmost care.

“I’ve neglected how any of this could be affecting you… I’m sorry Giles, I don’t know why I haven’t thought of you in this.” I blush, rubbing his hand gently. “Can you forgive me? I’ve pushed you away these past months as if your own feelings and hardships didn’t matter,” I whisper ashamed as I press my face into his neck hating how this has turned out.

“My sweet, I could never be mad. You never had your chance to find your place in the kingdom before so much has been asked of you, between our coronation and your maturing. This process has been brutal for you. Your reluctance of joy is understandable, I know we will work through this and find our happiness,” he assures me, wrapping his arms around me.

“How have you been handling the growing winds and storms? Ozul mentioned it was drawing on both you and Reznor,” I ask softly, earning a rumbling purr as he continues to stroke my growing belly.

“I am faring better than Reznor I’m afraid. It is taxing for us both, he has a hard time catching his breath. Cora tries to aid in balancing the storms, but once Ozul leaves it’ll be a hard battle to fight between our limited strength. We need Bram to return to aid in our fight,” he answers softly.

“Is there anything I can do to aid both of you?”

“No, I’m afraid not my sweet. Right now, what you are doing is just what is needed,” he’s tender as he picks up my hand to kiss my knuckles. “Are you ready for the celebration tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure… But I know the kingdom needs something bright to hold onto.” I offer my best smile feeling the nerves creep back in. “Do you think… something could happen tomorrow? Like the coronation?” I’ve yet to regain all of my memories, a few from before the coronation have returned, it’s all still so hazy. Yet I’m terrified of what could be.

“No, Evander has been very wary. He’s had his knights out searching the surrounding grounds for possible enemies. We are safe for our celebration,” he promises gently. I pray this dark period will be over soon.