Fragmented bond

If I was being honest, I was more than tempted to give in, but I didn’t. Especially when I realized that for them to get to me to deliver the final blow, they would have to kill Atlas first. Despite him being the asshole who abducted me, I didn’t like the idea of him getting hurt or dying to protect me.

It wasn’t right. I didn’t deserve his protection.

Pulling myself out of the deep waters was near impossible, and at first, I didn’t think I would succeed. But then I heard Atlas’ grunts as he continued keeping me safe, and my fight renewed until I finally broke free. Unfortunately, I was now acutely aware of my dislocated shoulder, which hurt like a bitch when I snapped it back into place.

Atlas was surrounded by at least fifteen lizard-like creatures. Each of them was over three feet long with red and orange scales. The frill around their heads was covered in flames as if it wasn’t hot enough already. He was somewhat holding his own against them, but he was struggling against so many. If I didn’t help him soon, he wouldn’t survive.

With how dense the forest was, I couldn’t shift into my dragon even if I wanted to—not without destroying the trees. As before, she barely lifted her head at my building panic, and it seemed she agreed with the part of me that wanted to give up. Not once had she chafed against me, begging to shift, which was what she usually did when I hadn’t shifted in days.

All of my focus was inward, trying to rouse my dragon, but it all halted when I heard Atlas groan in pain as one of the lizard creatures scratched his thigh. His movements weren’t as fast as before, and if he kept up this pace, he’d be too weak to fight them off. For once, he was the one that needed my help and I couldn’t let him down.

He kept watch over me this past week, making sure I ate and was taken care of, and for that, I owed him. More than that, I didn’t want another death because of me. I wasn’t willing to drag someone else down with me.

I pushed myself to my feet and drew the attention of one of the lizards. It changed trajectory and charged toward me. Atlas tried to stop it, but all he accomplished was getting distracted and receiving another scratch from a lizard, along with a burn.

The lizard sent a blast of fire at me, which I barely dodged. The next time I wasn’t so lucky and as a result, my arm stung from the burn. A rage built within me, both at these lizards and my dragon. I understood she was depressed, because we had the misfortune of having a shitty fated mate, but this was bullshit. I needed her. Atlas needed her.

This time when I prodded her energy, I didn’t take no for an answer. She would pull herself out of this depression, or I’d do it for her. And after we survived this attack, I would make sure she got over the piece of shit Lukas for good.

I didn’t know whether it was my rage, determination, or relentlessness, but she finally responded. The energy she’d been unwilling to share, flowed freely between us as I felt her just under the surface, stopping shy of the energy and presence needed to shift. She wasn’t back to her old self, far from it, but she was putting in the effort and that was something.

Normally, my fire was one of my biggest strengths, but with how they were literally on fire, I doubted it would hurt them. I summoned claws and speed from my dragon, dodging another attempt from the lizard, and sent a burst of fire to meet theirs.

The fire drew the attention of several of the others and had their focus on me rather than Atlas.

Even though I’d only gone a week without training, I felt slightly rusty and I was unable to avoid getting scratched in my leg. A burst of white-hot pain followed, feeling like lava had been injected into my veins.

As I continued fighting these ridiculously fast creatures, my movements became less clunky and I got into a rhythm. I received my fair share of scratches, but nothing fatal, and thankfully, I didn’t receive any more burns. From glances I shot Atlas’ way every once in a while, he didn’t seem injured past what I saw earlier, so I kept my focus on my adversaries.

As I took out one of the last creatures, I heard one coming at me from behind too late. I whirled around expecting pain but found it suspended in midair. Atlas twisted his bleeding hand as he neared me and the lizard flew back into his dagger before being tossed aside.

Atlas’ hair was pulled back, but several strands had slipped free and were plastered to his sweaty skin as were his clothes. Based on the sweat dripping down my body, I knew I looked similar, and I couldn’t wait to get out of this fucking heat.

The scratches from the creatures were slow to heal and still burned a bit, making me suspect their claws were tipped with poison or something similar. I didn’t feel any adverse effects, so hopefully, it was non-fatal.

Atlas’ gaze tracked over my body, seeking out every wound from the creatures as he stood before me. “We should get inside before more show up.” Shock stole through my body when instead of grabbing my arm and guiding me to the cabin, Atlas held his hand out to me. He was giving me a choice. I could leave and try to make it on my own, or I could return to the cabin with him. Only this time, I would come willingly and not as his prisoner.

I hesitated for only a moment before I took his hand and let him guide me back to the cabin.

A sigh of relief escaped me as I found relief from the blazing sun. After all this was through, I would make sure I was never in the Outliers during the Great Heat, because this shit was miserable.

As soon as my thoughts registered, my steps halted. I just made plans for the future. Earlier I made plans to get my dragon past her depression and just now, I made plans for the next heatwave and that was no short-term plan. There would be years between this one and the next. Once there were over eighteen years between them.

It was a simple thing, planning to avoid the hot suns the next time they moved closer, but after going through a period where I didn’t care whether I lived or died, it was a big fucking deal. I could have a future if I wanted it.

I wasn’t stupid, I knew it wasn’t that simple. Even now, I could feel the guilt eating away at me. I probably didn’t deserve it, but a part of me wanted to live. And that part of me had been dominant today. Even though a big chunk of why I fought had been for Atlas, it wasn’t all about him. His words had struck a nerve and still had a hold of me. I wanted a chance for things to get better.

Atlas stood in front of me, worry lining his face at how I suddenly froze. His hand moved toward my bleeding arm but paused midair. He retracted his hand, seeming to think better of it since most didn’t want blood mages near their blood.

The way I saw it, if he wanted to cause me any harm, he would’ve done so already. He had hundreds of chances. If he wanted me dead, he could’ve left me to die just now, or even last week when he found me drowning.

He went to one of the bags sitting on the low round table and retrieved clean clothing for me. I’d known he had clothes for me, but I assumed he’d been conjuring it. I hadn’t realized he planned ahead and picked up clothes for me when he was getting supplies. It didn’t change anything in the grand scheme, but it did add a new layer; a new facet to the mystery that was Atlas. One that I might one day solve.

I followed him into the bathroom, where he knelt beside the tub, filling it up so that it was over halfway full. From what I could remember, he’d never let the water get anywhere near halfway full, probably because he was afraid I’d try to drown myself again.

It seemed I earned his trust because once the water settled, he went to leave the bathroom.

A bolt of panic raced through me at the thought of sitting here, alone with my thoughts. I couldn’t handle that, not with my sanity intact. I wanted—no, I needed—a distraction. Before I considered what I was doing, I reached out and caught a hold of his wrist as he passed by me. I was almost surprised by my bold actions, and I wasn’t the only one.

Atlas’ eyebrows were drawn together as he looked at me over his shoulder, probably noticing the panic filling my expression. “I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts,” I whispered, not the least bit ashamed of appearing weak or vulnerable.

This man had already seen me at my lowest—at least, I hoped it was my lowest, I couldn’t handle falling even more.

His expression softened as he nodded, and I could’ve sighed in relief. He sat on the closed lid of the toilet, politely looking away as I quickly stripped out of my clothes and entered the lukewarm bath. Even though I didn’t care whether or not he saw me naked, I appreciated the gesture.

Atlas remained quiet as I dunked my head under the water. Despite his newfound trust in me, I could feel his gaze on me as I washed my hair. The long silver strands of my hair covered my breasts for the most part as I sat up, giving him a reprieve from worrying whether or not I’d drown myself.

On the lip of the tub was a bar of lightly scented soap that I used to clean myself. Normally, I wasn’t the type to take baths. I preferred showers, but it seemed this cabin wasn’t equipped with one.

Our world ran on magic, and that was why even when we had our wars and skirmishes, we never tried to wipe out another race. We all needed each other and the specific skills we all brought to the table. It was how our kind had lasted so long, and how we continued to grow and develop in our advancements.

“You fought,” Atlas finally said as I washed off the soap, leaving the bath water tinged pink from my blood.

I didn’t make fun of him for stating the obvious, because I knew why he said this. I had the chance to finally achieve what I already attempted twice, but I didn’t. In that moment of life or death, I chose life.

I had wanted to live and to protect him enough that I rallied my dragon.

She was no longer as quiet as she’d been before. Don’t get me wrong, soul-deep sadness still seeped from her in waves, but it no longer felt like she’d given up. It would take a while for her to heal from the blow dealt to our souls, but she was on the right path.

“If you weren’t out there with me, I might not have,” I admitted softly, staring down at the water.

“It’s still a big step; you cared whether I lived or died. Yesterday, you probably wouldn’t have noticed me getting killed right in front of you. No part of you cared about anything.” He rested his forearms on his knees as he leaned forward, his gaze holding mine. The muscles shifted under his bronze skin as he clasped his hands.

“The self-preservation instinct will eventually return if given time. If you keep on this path you’ve started on, one day this will all be a distant memory you’ll look back on. You’ll look back and know how strong you are and that you can get past anything if you put your mind to it. You’ll be confused as to why you felt any emotions toward your so-called mate. And you most certainly won’t feel any pain or sorrow when thinking about him.”

He thought the whole reason I gave up was because I was rejected, which was a good chunk of it, but it wasn’t the main thing that kept trying to choke me. In a way, I guess he was still right since the rejection was what caused all of my problems. But still, I needed him to know how wrong he was.

“I’ll admit, I haven’t handled the rejection well, but that’s not the whole story,” I whispered.

I maintained eye contact with him even though I wanted to look anywhere but him. Confusion took over his expression as he stared at me in silence for several long moments. “Then what is the whole story?”

After taking a deep and shaky breath, I spoke in a rush, telling him how I wandered through the forest and laid down to die. He was quiet, watching me in the intense way he seemed to favor and it was hard to know his thoughts.

“I was pregnant. I was pregnant and I didn’t consider my baby when I gave up. I was supposed to protect them, but I was selfish,” I whispered and I would’ve said more, but the sob building in my chest cut me off.

Dropping my face in my hands, my shoulders shook as sobs wracked my body and the agony I’d kept at bay rushed over me. I wouldn’t say telling Atlas made me feel better, but there was a small weight that had been lifted off of me at having said the words aloud. For him to know I wasn’t good or better than Lukas. I was the type to give up when I didn’t get my way. One rejection and I laid down to die. I was the selfish one.

As I broke down, finally allowing myself to feel everything, Atlas climbed into the tub fully clothed. He grabbed my hips, lifting me so I straddled him. Every time I’d been in this position with a man while naked, it had been sexual in nature, but not this time. Neither of our minds went in that direction as I buried my head against his neck. He stroked my back making soothing sounds as he let me fall apart.

Atlas didn’t say a single word, knowing I needed this. Ever since the initial rejection, I’d never truly let myself feel all these emotions. They’d been too much, too all-encompassing, and I would either find a distraction or find a way into the fog to avoid drowning.

Not that I’d ever tell Atlas, but he was right. By avoiding my emotions, I would never truly get past this.

So, I let myself feel all the horrible emotions, taking in the strength and stability from Atlas’ hold on me.