Fragmented bond

Atlas held me as I sobbed and wore myself out. He laid me down in bed so I could get some much-needed rest, and once again, I asked him to stay when it seemed like he’d leave me alone. Unlike all the other times we shared the bed, I laid my head on his chest as I curled up against him. He rubbed along my spine in a soothing and absentminded gesture. I asked him to talk about something, anything to keep my mind off of my own problem and he told me stories about growing up in the Elemental lands.

Sometime during his stories, I finally drifted off to sleep.

I won’t lie, the following days were hard. Some days were easier than others. The pain came in waves, ebbing and flowing, but I was finally allowing myself to feel it and that was the most important thing—well, that and I wasn’t going through this alone.

Atlas was my constant companion and helped keep me sane throughout all of this. Never once did he try pushing me for details about the broken bond or my so-called mate as he liked to call Lukas.

The only time he asked for answers was a few days later when he suggested talking about it might help me. I initially turned down his offer. It wasn’t until later that night when we were lying in bed that I finally shared what I went through. I told him about the frustration I felt when the bond refused to develop. How Lukas made me feel stupid for trying so hard as he let me put myself through all of that, knowing he didn’t care for me.

Looking back on it, the signs were all there. The coldness I sometimes sensed from him hadn’t been in my head or due to stress. Neither had the looks his friends sometimes shared when they thought I wasn’t looking. I’d been so blinded by the bond and my desperation. I was afraid of what it would say about me if I couldn’t make it work with my fated mate, the one hand-picked by the fates as my perfect match.

Liana had seen through his act since it had been clear she didn’t like him, but I hadn’t been willing to listen.

The next morning when I woke up, Atlas wasn’t in bed next to me, which wasn’t unusual since that happened every morning. After readying myself for the day, I walked out of the bedroom and found the front room empty. The door opened before I could panic and Atlas entered.

His expression was hard to read as he approached me. “It’s time for you to go home,” he whispered.

I should’ve been happy about this, and part of me was, having missed the Summoner lands and their familiar comforts. But there was also a big part of me that was terrified. What if I couldn’t handle being there?

Atlas must’ve read my worry from my expression since he grabbed my hand and swiped his thumb over my knuckles. “You can handle this, you can handle anything thrown your way. Look at all you’ve accomplished these past few days.”

He was another reason I was hesitant to leave. Over these past days, I’d taken comfort in him and his steady presence. After I told him about what I’d done, not once did he judge me or treat me differently. The only thing that changed was he now had context to everything. I never caught him giving me looks of disgust, even though I would’ve deserved it if he had.

Before I even stepped outside, I began mentally preparing myself for the scorching weather, only it didn’t come. I glanced up at the bright sky peeking through the trees, but the angle didn’t allow me to see the sun. Not that I needed to see it to understand what was going on.

The suns had finally moved back to their normal positions in the sky, marking the end of the Great Heat.

“When did the heat break?” I asked as I followed him through the trees, taking in the sights I hadn’t been able to focus on last time. This time, I noticed the smoky scents from the trees, how the tree trunks were muted in color and on the pastel side, while the leaves were vibrant.

“This morning.”

We didn’t talk much during our walk, and with the unbearable heat gone, it was nice to be out in nature. I’d been cooped up in the cabin for way too long. I wasn’t usually the type to stay inside for too long other than when I slept. As a summoner and being so connected with my spirit animal, I loved the freedom that came with being outside. It was nice to feel the breeze and to hear the sounds of nature.

The walk hadn’t been short, but it still felt like it ended way too soon. The river came into view, and on the other side was the vast forest of the Summoner lands. Home. Well, sort of. My pack lands were on the eastern side, closest to the Death mage lands separating us from the Magic-user lands.

There wasn’t a bridge crossing the river here, and normally that meant having to follow the river until finding one of the few. But luckily, I had an elemental with me. We were easily able to cross the river with the help of his magic.

Atlas came to stand before me, grabbing my shoulder as he bent his head down to hold my gaze. “I know you blame yourself for what happened to your baby and nothing I say will change that.” He hesitated for a moment, pressing his lips together as he continued scanning my face.

“What happened was a horrible accident. Your reaction to a shattered bond is not your fault. We’ve all heard the stories of those who killed themselves after losing their fated mate. These bonds have always been a gift, but they’re also a curse. One that can bring destruction should they end, either in death or rejection.”

His right hand cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch. “You think the reason for the bond was the baby, and that you ruined the fates’ plans, but I can assure you that’s not the case. I may not know why the pairing occurred, but it wasn’t that. The fates’ big plans for you weren’t to continue on his line. You’re worth more than that, and one day when you realize this, you’ll be able to truly let go and forgive yourself.”

He placed a kiss on my forehead and I knew this was goodbye.

I opened my mouth to protest, to ask him to stay, but no words came out. I needed to do this by myself. He had helped me out so much, but he couldn’t do everything for me. This was one of those journeys I needed to take alone. I needed to stand on my own and be the resilient woman he thought I was.

“Goodbye, Thea,” he whispered before he left.