Fix You (The Playlist BOOK 1)

Song - Hungry Heart - Bruce Springsteen

We walk in uncomfortable silence to Gems. I know he wants to talk but I can’t right now. So far, having a mate is nothing like I hoped it would be.

As we approach her cabin I start to feel myself relaxing, the tension in my neck and shoulders disappearing.

I can hear music as we reach her door. It makes me smile, thinking of her dancing in her kitchen.

I push the door open, “Gem?” I yell over the music.

“Come in, Sweet Sorsha!” I hear her sing song voice from the kitchen.

“I’m not alone,” I warn her as I step inside, Elijah following.

Her head pops out from the kitchen, she’s wearing an apron, covered in flour.

“Is this...” her eyes widen as she steps out.

“This is Elijah, Gem,” I chuckle at her reaction.

“Well, aren’t you handsome, please, come in. I’m making croissants! Well... I’m trying to make croissants, they’re tricky.”

Elijah visibly relaxes.

“Would you like some coffee? Tea?” She offers, turning the radio down.

“No, thank you,” he smiles politely.

“I’ll make myself coffee,” I move into the kitchen. I make my cup slowly, taking a few moments for myself.

When I come out I can’t help but smile at Elijah’s sitting on my aunts pink chairs. They are speaking quietly. Elijah looks nervous and apologetic. My aunt has his hand pulled into hers, intently speaking to him.

I clear my throat and she smiles at me before patting his hand and standing up. I arch my brow at her but say nothing. Part of me wishes she was scolding him but I know my aunt, she keeps her nose in her own business.

I sit at the table and sip my coffee. I can feel him looking at me, he wants to talk to me, to fix things.

“How long are you here?” My aunt asks and I perk up, wondering the same.

“Well, Sorsha was going to come back with me in two days, so, I’ll stay until then...if she’s ok with that,” he sounds unsure.

I sip my coffee and give nothing away. I like that he’s tense. My wolf already wants to comfort him, to ease the guilt he feels but I still feel him holding back, he’s not being honest about something.

“Do you dance, Alpha?” She asks him and I snort.

He looks at me confused, “um, not really.”

“Oh, that’s too bad, Sorsha loves to dance.”

I reach over and turn the radio up, shuffling into the kitchen to dance with my aunt, maybe for the last time. Where I would normally be embarrassed by this I just can’t seem to find a single fuck to give right now.

I’ve cried countless tears since meeting this man, the man that is supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to me, I deserve a dance with Gem.

As I spin and twirl through her flour dusted kitchen she takes my hands in hers and spins me like a child. For the first time in days I throw my head back and laugh, a real, genuine laugh.

When the song ends I look up to find Elijah leaning against the door frame, watching us. There is a small smile on his face but his eyes look...sad, maybe. She always makes everything better.

Through the bond I can feel his conflicted emotions. Whatever he’s holding back from me, warring with his desire.

He reaches forward and grabs my hand, pulling me against him.

"Like a river that don’t know where it’s flowing, I took a wrong turn and I just kept going”

I don’t know why I let him hold me, why I let him sway with me, slowly in my aunts kitchen.

"Everybody’s got a hungry heart,”

The words to the song tug in my chest. I try to hide it because I know he can feel it. Push it down, don’t think about it.

I feel him reaching for me. He has me pulled into his chest, his heart hammering against my ear, but he’s reaching through the bond, asking me to forgive him.

I want to run, to sprint from this house, from the packlands, from him. I want to start new, somewhere else, where no one knows me. I can’t and I won’t, but I wish I could.

His grip on me tightens, like he knows I want to run. He can’t read my thoughts, not yet. When the song ends we stop moving but he doesn’t let me go. It feels like sweet misery. Being close to him makes me feel good because of the bond. Everything about him is desirable to me. At the same time, everything hurts. For whatever reason, I know that he was upset when he realized we were mates. He didn’t want me. Then I find out that he didn’t wait for me. He gave to someone else the precious thing that was meant for me. For all I know he gave it to several people.

“They didn’t mean anything,” he whispers.

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

He sighs and rubs his hand over my back, “I’ll make it up to you, you’ll see. I’ll fix this. I’ll earn your trust.”

I pull away from him to help my aunt roll butter into her croissant dough. The layers aren’t forming correctly, this is going to be another baking fail, I’m afraid.

I feel his eyes on me all the time, it’s suffocating.

“I think we might just go back to his pack in the morning. Rip the bandaid off, you know?” I whisper to her.

“Your pack. You said ‘his pack’ you’re his Luna. It’s your pack too.”

“I’m afraid to be Luna,” my voice shakes.

She pulls me into a floury hug, “you’re going to be amazing. You are kind, compassionate, empathetic and you’re smart. They are lucky to have you!”

“I love you, Gem. Please, come and visit me soon.”

“Whenever you need me,” she promises.

We say our goodbyes and I can’t help the tears that streak my face. We walk back through the packlands and I see James with Leah at the park. He’s pushing her on a swing, they’re both carefree and happy, laughing and talking to each other.

I speed up, wanting to get away from them. I’ve been watching them together for seven years, longing for what they have. The Moon Goddess is cruel.

“Sorsha,” he says quietly, matching my quick pace, “baby please.”

“Don’t call me baby,” I tense.

“Let me fix this!” He growls.

“Fine! Tell me the truth, why were you so upset when we found each other?”

He runs his inked hand through his dark hair, “is there somewhere we can talk?”

I purse my lips, “yeah, follow me.”