Fix You (The Playlist BOOK 1)

** Warning - mention of mental illness, murder and suicide**

Song - Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac

When we get to my room I pull open my window. I give him a pointed look before climbing out. He doesn’t hesitate to follow me.

“You’re not planning to push me are you?” He chuckles looking down at the ground four stories below us.

“I haven’t decided yet,” I mostly joke.

We’re silent for a moment, the sun beating down on us.

He gets serious, quickly, and turns his body to me. I feel his tension over whatever he’s about to share.

“Do you know how I became an Alpha so young?” He asks.

I think back and realize that I didn’t. There was so much focus on him being the youngest Alpha, ever, but no one talked about why.

“I don’t.”

“The council tried to keep it quiet, out of respect for my family,” his sad eyes hold mine, he looks like he needs reassurance. I turn myself to face him slightly.

“My... umm... my dad was murdered. That’s how I became Alpha so young. This is him,” he stretches out his arm, the one I was studying earlier.

I stare down at the tattoo. The beautifully drawn portrait is suddenly much more powerful.

“My mom killed him,” he whispers hoarsely and I shoot my head up in surprise.

“She always had issues. She could be very happy but those times never lasted long. She would get so depressed and withdrawn. My father did everything he could to help her. For years he tried to make her happy, to make sure there were more good days. She refused medication because it messed with her wolf. She would go off the rails sometimes, completely manic, not sleeping, doing fifty projects at once until she would burn out. During those times she would be easily swayed, easily persuaded and manipulated by others. She met a rogue somehow. He had her head all fucked up. There were signs that something was seriously wrong but my dad...fuck, he wouldn’t listen. He was so blind when it came to her, to his mate.” He pulls on a ragged breath and by instinct I reach for his hand.

“She killed him. Attacked him with a knife. He should have been able to fight her off but I’m sure he was caught off guard.”

I squeeze his hand and bite back tears. I can feel all of his rage and sadness, his broken heart.

“After she was arrested she went absolutely berserk. Once she realized what she did she couldn’t handle it. She killed herself in her cell. It was... bloody.”

He quickly wipes a tear away before letting out a shaky breath.

“I never wanted a mate. I grew up watching them and all I could ever think was how happy dad could have been if he could have left her. After he died I begged the Goddess not to give me a mate. I don’t want to be so blindly dependent on someone, on you. Then look what happened? I couldn’t go two fucking days without you. I couldn’t sit down or fucking sleep. I had to fly out here to calm my wolf enough to have a coherent thought.” He chuckles bitterly.

Tears flow freely down my face, falling onto my hand that’s clenched in my lap.

“Please, Sorsha, don’t cry,” he sounds desperate. I can feel him wracked with guilt and sadness and grief.

I try to wipe my eyes but its no use, the tears keep falling.

“I’m afraid of you, Sorsha,” his anguish thick in his voice, “you can bring me to my knees. You can absolutely ruin me. I would let you. To see you smile the way you did in the kitchen with your aunt... I would wage wars...move mountains...kill anyone that so much as upset you. I hate myself for hurting you, for making you cry. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.”

I pull my hand from his and cover my face. A sob shakes my body as I try to cover myself.

I feel his strong arms wrap around me, pulling me onto his lap. His chest heaves as he holds me tightly.

“Please, forgive me, baby, please.”

Without thinking I slam my lips into his. The salt from my tears mixing with the soft, sweet taste of his lips. He growls against my chest. I whimper and a low, vibrating hum moves directly from his mouth to my core. The sound makes my stomach clench.

“Oh fuck,” his canines release and I feel him grind himself against me frantically. The kiss is wet and sloppy, needy and aching. Our lips, teeth and tongues clash against each other, moans and shaky breaths dance in the hot air around us.

“We have to stop,” he pulls away slightly, “I have never been this hard in my fucking life. I’m starting to lose control. This isn’t how I want your first time and our first time together to be.”

I lick my swollen lips and try to regain control of myself.

“I’m mostly packed. Do you want to go back to your pack tonight?”

His face lights up, “our pack,” he says with a bright smile.

“Will they accept me? You know... because I don’t shift.”

“I accept you, they will accept you. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that though, I feel your wolf so strongly, it’s hard to believe you don’t shift.”

“I feel your wolf too.”

“He wants you so bad. Your smell makes him insane.”

I giggle, “yeah, I can feel that.”

He cups my face in his hands and kisses me softly, first on my lips, then my swollen, red eyes. My heart flutters in my chest.

“Let’s move forward. Our meeting wasn’t... ideal... but we can get past that” my voice is soft.

“I’m sorry I ruined that. It’s not a good story to tell our grandchildren,” we both laugh.

“Elijah, promise me you’ll be honest? You don’t have to be perfect but don’t hide things from me. I know we’re going to have to work at this, to give each other time and grace while we figure everything out. If you need something, if I’m doing something wrong or if you’re feeling anxious, please be honest with me. I don’t want our relationship to feel like a trap for you. I want to make you happy and bring you peace. I don’t want you to feel...”

He cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine.

“I promise. You already make me feel... everything. The only tension I’ve felt since meeting you has been caused by me.”

We sit together on the roof, looking out as the soft wind rustles through the trees.

After a few hours of holding each other in the quiet he moves slightly.

“Ready to go home, Luna?”