F#ck Festive Day

'Sport' in Waterside Queeff is one of the main topics of conversation at almost every social occasion because there is a chance to bond over shared rivalry, comradery and tactics. The key to understanding what is happening on the field is to be aware of a few concepts. The in-depth details of the sport are apparent to only experienced watchers and players, however, knowing a few basics can help you successfully engage with the locals or get you sent to the hospital in a body bag as a result if you get it wrong.

Several innocent people have been 'taken out' for simply standing at the wrong end of the field cheering for their home team amongst the cheer squads for the opposing teams. Retribution is swift, all be it violent and with such savagery it would never ever make the head lines of the tv or newspapers because of censorship issues.

The highest amount of patrons attending a rugby match at Fud Rugby Park, Waterside Queeff was 167 + 3 fairies who flew over the gates to get in on the sly and instantly regretted it by being pegged with slingshots from the gate keepers. Fud Rugby Park can hold 40,000 patrons with room to kick a footy for the kids they bought with them matched with ample toilets, food trucks, home baked cake stands and alcohol outlets that were like acne spread out around the ground. Waste management did an excellent job at all home games and the ground was clear of rubbish usually before the last family left.

THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT....

The ground was SOLD OUT well in advance, razor wire had been installed around the ground to keep the over zealous enthusiasts out of harms way and from getting in without paying, loud speakers were installed on telephone poles from the stadium out along the roads leading to it FOR 5 MILES just so people could listen to the game even if they couldn’t see it, Food Trucks, (Muck Trucks), from all the local towns and cities in surrounding areas were all stocked up on their chosen culinary delicacy and were ready to feed the hoards of patrons on the day, extra police, army, special armed services and snipers were engaged to attend the game in full battle gear...( just in case a war started ), the game was to be covered by radio (AM & FM), TV ( B&W & Colour), news papers, live to air streaming and there would be running commentary as the game was played.

All the bases were covered.

All the eventuality’s thought of.

All of the toilet paper bought.

All the first aid kits topped up.

All the alcohol in one neighbouring country was bought and stored just in case they ran out of the stock they already had.

EVERYTHING WAS READY FOR THE BIG GAME!!!

Waterside Queeff STORMTROOPERS

Verse

The Mittenglitter GRAVEDIGGERS

SOLD OUT GAME. FUD RUGBY PARK. Scalpers will not be tolerated.

Heavy Fines & Death threats apply.

SEE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THERE!!

“Even before the Festive Day has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy Buy’.” Author