F#ck Festive Day

The next day Dhobit was sitting on a small jetty close to his home looking at his reflection in the water asking himself ....“How did I end up in the middle of such a dysfunctional family that are all going to be at my house in 4 weeks time?”

As he watched his feet rock back and forth near the surface of the water and the fish swim this way and that under them, he felt his depression increase ten fold. None of his relatives ever contacted him, spoke to him, sent letters to him and even his parents had ceased talking years ago to him and Fizzle. What was the point of getting together at all, especially at his house. It felt like a cyclone of biblical proportions was about to make land and smash his home to tiny little bits and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Fizzle was beside herself and did nothing but complain more than she has ever done in their marriage and now the locals were getting wind of what was about to happen as well because the ones that were not staying at the Mittenglitter’s house were systematically booking up all the accommodation in town, so as they booked they shared their info with the ratbags who took the calls. They in turn shared it at the pub with their friends and soon within a 24 hour period Dhobit and Fizzle were the laughing stock of Waterside Queeff.

Store owners were rubbing, what could only be called hands because of the position they held at the end of their arms, together with glee at the injection to the towns population because of the big 'Festive Bash' at the Mittenglitter’s. They could sell more stuff to the unsuspecting throng that were to arrive there so more stuff was ordered. Souvenirs, Booze, First Aid, T-Shirts, Lollies, Guns and Amo were ordered in a frenzy by all of the shop owners.

I hear you ask yourself about the guns and Amo being ordered, it was a boring little town really folks but any excuse to party and party hard was fraught with peril and once 30 or 40 trolls got a skin full and were 'pixies in the mist'(pissed)...well let's just say the ending wasn’t pretty for 100′s of small furry forrest dwellers and a few locals chipped in for good measure.

( see police reports) Author.

One third maybe a bit more of Waterside Queeff and her slobbering population were hired and payed very well by the LAW to uphold the law and play with guns...so they did regularly usually in boats out on the lake shooting at targets and anything else that came into their crosshairs. Trolls don’t have good depth perception so there were tragedies on the boats as well. Feet, hands, heads being blown off because of the booze being drunk and how 'sketchy' they get when pressed or upset and pissed.

Not only were the locals scared of the local police force but the police force was also scared of a lot of its members as well. This meant that every time there was a fight, a burglary, a rape or a death to be investigated all the doors and windows in town snapped shut pretty much at the same time until everything cooled down. It did not end well when the 'force' was involved even for innocent bystanders. Dhobit always thought that most of his relatives would have slotted into the local police force in town quite comfortably as they were also unstable as all hell and most of them had police records.

Dhobit froze where he sat.

He looked at the water.

He turned and looked at his house.

“A-ha” moment in 5...4...3...2...1 Author

“FIZZ...FIZZ...WHERE ARE YOU...I HAVE A PLAN TO FIX OUR PROBLEM...FIZZLE!!!!!” yelled Dhobit running up from the jetty at break neck speed flinging open the back door and filling his house with frantic screams for his wife.

“What is it Dhobit...and turn the volume down a tad I’m not deaf yet” said Fizzle dressed in her nightgown with a towel wrapped around her hair because she had just come out of the shower.

“I KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS” said Dhobit excitedly with sweat running off his brow.

“How my love will you curb 40 mentally unstable family guests arriving here for the festive time of year and stop them from putting us in the poor house while systematically demolishing our home?” said Fizzle taking the towel off her head and drying her hair while trying to hear what Dhobit would tell her.

“Know how we are going to save our home my little fruit loop?”

“No I don’t...and please don’t call me that” said Fizzle giving Dhobit the 1000 yard death stare ...again.

“Because we are not going to have the festive time of year here at all...we are going to have it at Fud Rugby Park instead...thats how” said Dhobit with a real enthusiasm in his voice and for once since being told about the festive festivities being held at 66 Saffron Way Fizzle could detect a bit of light in what Dhobit was saying and smiled back at her husband slowly, dropping her towel and sitting on a kitchen chair to hear his plan.

Dhobit spilled his guts about his plan and as Fizzle poured filtered water into the kettle to have a cup of tea she looked out her back window and whispered to herself .....“This could work”

Being left alone in your house at the festive time of year does not make you a mastermind! Author