Experimentation

Edwin’s voice never left my head, the Lights? What are the ‘Lights’? The hanging lights that are in the hallway could be them but then why did he call me one of the lights? I swear I’m like one of those teenage girls in a horror movie, the answer is clearly in front of her, but she’s too dumb or horny to actually know a fact. For me, its that I must be too dumb, my sexual drive isn’t at its peak while dealing with this place. I have been feeling lately, but I don’t know how to explain it. Trina has been this constant for me, but I don’t feel like she can be my friend, but something more. I haven’t really thought through all of these emotions, but all I know is that I love her. I love her.

Weeks passed and nothing really changed. Trina and I become closer, hanging out in each other’s rooms, eating in the mess hall. She makes me want to be alive again, I know that I am able to return home soon if it was that simple. Obviously, I don’t think I will ever get to go home like this, with my powers not being developed and Edwin wanting to train me. He has tried to get me to do more than just shooting electricity streaks out of my hand, but I don’t want to grow more powerful. If I become this superhero cliche than I will become nothing but his pet. I need him to think that I am weak, that I can’t become a soldier as he wants me too. I just need to be human again, I can’t like these powers, they only cause pain. The training has become forceful, I’d get started if I don’t try and- He’d hit me repeatedly until I get knocked out. I don’t tend to wish for much, but the darkness has become quite a comfort, I just love to sleep. Sleeping has become quite peaceful, a release from all the tainted distractions of the world. The only other distraction has been Trina, I have never felt this strong of a connection to a person. She has been supporting me through all of my endeavors and pain, and I couldn’t be more grateful for her. I learned so much about her, her favorite book is Pride and Prejudice. She loves to eat popcorn with M&M’s, drinks cherry cokes with vanilla ice cream. She has to adjust her sleeve four times before she can wash her hands, only air drying them afterward because the paper towel is a waste of tree’s potential.

A gentle knock wakes me up suddenly, causing me to jump a little. Paranoia can get to some people I guess. “Hello Dear.” Nurse Tina pops her head in, walking in with a tray of food. “Time for breakfast dear, come sit in your chair, I’ll draw the shades.” She places the tray on the table before walking towards the covered barred window. “If you eat all of your food, I will allow a guest to come to see you. I know you’ve missed her this last week.” Ah, yes, how could I forget? She got to go home from the weekend, she joined this outpatient program. Edwin still wants her to remain here during the week but the weekends are for her adventures, I wish I could go with her. “Fine, I’ll scarf down the muck.”

I never ate that fast in my life, the oatmeal here is barely edible, but I needed more protein in my diet because I’m lacking energy. I just don’t feel like having to do much, Edwin takes up most of my time now anyways. I have to work on my aim, but my emotions are still a mess. I hate him and want him dead, but he wants me to be a weapon, conflicts of interest. I just need to focus on making him think I am useless besides charging an object, luckily, he hadn’t found out about the exploding door incident. At least, I can’t remember if he did. My mind has been fuzzy since he started me on these new meds, they are supposed to compress my emotions. Contain them, use them. I don’t understand anything, I feel stupid. My memories don’t work, it’s like nothing makes sense.

“Irisa? Katrina can come in now, stay awake.” Nurse Tina takes the tray and leaves, keeping the door ajar. Tina is sweet, I like her. I go to stand but I feel wanky. I got dizzy after standing up. Woah, it’s like a roller coaster. I let out this weird laugh like a monkey was screaming at its baby. Stupid baby monkey. I till my head to watch as Trina pops her head from around the door and I roll onto the table, like a fish. I’m a FISH! “Trina! I’ve missed you.” I slur my words slightly but manage to stumble towards her with my arms open. How do words work with movement? “Left foot.” Whispering under my breath will moving to Trina, “Right foot”. Repeating the pattern as I walk her into my arms, squeezing her like an orange in my arms. “Ria? Are you okay?” I nod my head slowly letting it drop down to the side, rolling it around my neck. “I’m a helicopter!” I begin whipping my head while running around the room trying to get off of the ground. Why can’t I fly? My propellers must be broken, I run into the nearest wall, bashing my head harshly against it. “Work propellers, work!” I feel Trina tug me off the wall, pinning me to the ground. I feel dizzier now. “I take a nap now, night,” I whisper before someone shuts my eyes.

“That medication worked fine without your daughter around, Katrina needs to stay away from my patient, do you understand me?” I hear a small whimper before footsteps hurry away. “Don’t worry, my dear, you’ll be better soon. Real soon.” A voice whispers in one more time before I fall back asleep.