Experimentation

The holidays are not fun for people like me, whose memories are flooded with loss and sorrow. I hadn’t been home for the last Christmas with what is left of my family, but I know this will be a hard Christmas. The pain of the asylum still comes up at times, I’ve learned a few things about the holidays. One, when you are young, they are meant to be enjoyable. Two, once you lose someone the holidays tend to feel less like those once enjoyable times. Three, Christmas while being locked in the grasp of a mentally insane doctor, their need to be home for Christmas increases majorly. This year I am finally home, my sister and brother will be by my side opening gifts together.

“How do you think the holidays are going to go for you?” Whispering softly into Mona’s ear in the middle of our history lecture. “Not that good, I’m stuck with my dad and the step bitch for two weeks. We need to go to the diner at least once because I will lose my mind otherwise, my grandfather was supposed to be hosting Christmas but he decided to take a cruise last minute. I can’t be mad at him, he deserves a-” The teacher, Mrs. Zillah, slams her hand on her desk as she looks at Mona and me, her eyes keep switch back and forth between us. “ Would you like to share something with the class Harmony? Irisa?” I tilt my head slightly to the side looking at the equation on the board, this lady is going to regret asking me that. I raise my hand slightly in the air as she is glaring at Mona, her head snaps to look at me. “I was just discussioning with Mona, I mean Harmony, that you forgot to mention the 273 civilian deaths that had occured.”

Mrs. Zillah wanted to speak with both Mona and me after school, I think she feels disrespected by my actions but we were just talking about the holidays. I understand it’s rude but I don’t have any friends besides Mona, I’m still considered the suicide freak here. “Isa? Are you spacing out again? I swear almost everytime I’m trying to have a basic conversation with you, your mind tends to just wander off to Neverland.” Mona’s eyes swirl with annoyance and entertainment, this girl is going to drive me more insane than I already am. “Sorry, I’m just thinking about the little holiday party my sister is throwing tomorrow night. You’re still coming right?” Moving my arm to to loop with hers, we continue walking down the hall towards the library. During study hall, we got there to relax. I will possible work on homework or grab a book off of the shelf, we just sit there in the quite little area.

“Yes, I’m still going. I don’t do much on the weekends anyways, so I figured that I’m just going to crash a lame party.” Her hip bumps into mine, shoving me slightly towards the lockers. I force out a laugh as my eyes meet with Cade’s, his arm wraps around Jayde’s waist pulling her slightly towards his chest. Neither of us could break eye contact, the pull of my heart aches slightly. I miss my oldest friend, even if he hates me.

Christmas time was great for the two of us, never a dull moment once we were together. One of my favorite memories was when we used to go into the woods into his backyard, his father was always working to the point where I’ve never even met him. We would go out before a lot of snow hits and grab a box of homemade ornaments, making a dash towards the forest. There was this tree half a mile away from his house, you could find it by following a hidden path by the side of his house. Snow would be covering our footprints as run through the woods, our ears would turn red because we hated when the hats muffled our hearing. When we make it to the tree, we immediately grab our foldable ladder and stick up the side of the tree. Cade would begin to climb up first while I throw a rope over a thick branch, tying the box’s handle in the middle. He placed down our planks of wood and ties them with additional ropes in order to secure them, looking back at that now, we should’ve gotten hurt. We spend all day decorating the inside and out of the tree, making our own christmas tree. We felt like we were part of the Nutcracker, it used to be my favorite part of the holidays. A now forgotten traditions by my old best friend.

The rest of the school day went by fast, all of the seniors have to work on is a project. I’ve gotten mine completed already, not much to do during the weekends. Mona has church and other activities that she wants to keep more secretive. Even though we are each others only friends, we still keep secrets from each other. I don’t understand what the issues is with her, but I know the secrets I keep are for my own safety. I don’t know what she’d do if I told her all of the past issues.

“Irisa Elena Farren, if you don’t start helping out with this food, I will not let you out of your room until New Years.” Sarah shrieks out towards me, she just can’t make our family cookies. I’m the only one who got the full recipe off of my mom, she thought that baking could be our thing. I was quizzed step by step of the cookie recipe, double chocolate chip with walnuts. Even though it seems so simple, the secret ingredient to make it superior is- “Irisa, I swear to god, if you don’t get your ass down here,”

I roll out of my bed placing my feet into my tan slippers, bracing myself before taking off down the stairs. I start to spark a bit of electricity off of me to help release it before the party, don’t need an explosion for the holidays. I don’t need to get locked up again, I’m not a experimentation. I twist my body to enter the kitchen, my eyes roll once seeing Anthony covered head to toe in flour.

“How did this happen?” Crossing my arms over my chest, I shuffle my feet towards the center island. “I let Anthony try and mix the batter.” Sarah whispers out as she starts wiping flour off of her face. “Look, both of you go get cleaned up. I’m going to make the cookies and clean up as well.” Commanding my brother and sister to their rooms, grabbing the mob from the corner from the room. God, I’ve missed this.

Hours fly by as I bake and get dressed in my festive outfit, I place my hand on the door handle. I can’t do this, I’m not the girl who enjoys this kind of thing anymore. My feet begin to move on their own, Running towards my window. I rip my jacket off of its hook and tuck my phone into my pocket, flinging the window open. I branch my arms as I jump from the window, reaching for the little tree infront of my room’s window. Feeling the cold window hit the back of my neck, a shiver is sent down my spine causing my back to arch. My hands wrap around the wet snow-covered branch stopping the swinging short, getting pieces of wood into my palms. “Shit” The wood dug into my fingertips, pulsing pain through my hand. I just need to remember not to let go, I push my feet forward trying to create a swinging motion. A drop of wetness begins to run down my wrist, feeling sticky and has a smell of iron. Blood, the splinters must have gotten farther into my palm than I thought. I push my torso to the bottom of the branch, folding my legs over the wood. I turn my body to the top of the branch, sitting up pushing my palms off of the wood. Turning my palms towards my eyes, blood starts to sink down my wrist. Curling my left hand into a point, I pluck the wood out of my right palm. I need to go, shes going to catch me.

I quickly crouch on the branch, moving my legs around the trunk of the tree. Pressing my feet onto different branchs, monvering my body down the tree. A snowflake falls in front of my face, landing on the grass below me. Don’t focus on the weather, just run. Don’t look back, you can’t let him catch you.

I push my body towards the woods, making my own path. Tripping over sticks and rocks, knowing I can’t stop. Edwin’s going to catch me, he will kill me. My heart pounds into ears, pulsing through my head. I need to go, I just need to go.