Envious Desire

Shelly

Ending the call with Axle, I ring the one person who’s been the cornerstone whenever anxiety has hijacked my life. My reliance on her is endless, no matter the circumstances, she is my lifeline.

“My Precious Ruby,” her soft voice sings through the receiver, sending me back to my childhood. A nickname since birth according to her recollection. My fiery red hair, the object of her infatuation. Our very best quality as she always regards it.

“Hi mom. How are you?” I express, with a hefty smile.

“I’m good. The better question is, how are you? Any improvements?” She inquires in the hopes Eric and I have found our way back to jubilation.

Huffing a breath, my hair soars in the air, “No, not yet, but I’m hopeful.” Switching the topic to more imperative circumstances, “Actually, I’m calling you because I need a huge favor mom. It’s for Chloe.”

“Anything for my babies,” you could detect the excitement in her voice with her enthusiastic tone. “What do you need, Ruby?”

“Chloes going through a real rough time.”

“Understandably so.”

“Yeah, but she hasn’t attempted to consume any form of sustenance. She’s chosen uncommunicativeness towards Axle and when I’m within her range, it’s barely an utterance with mostly head nods and suggestive movements.” I now come to the realization of how dire Chloe’s situation truly is now that the words have been expressed.

“If you deem it necessary, I can come under the guise of visitation and speak with her, unbeknownst to her, an informal session if you will. I will assist her in meditation and relaxation, so she can properly deal with the internal turmoil that’s tormenting her.”

Slicing my eyes, “Thanks mom, but no, at least not now. From what I’ve observed, she hasn’t arrived at the ‘expressing her trauma’ stage just yet. I surmise that type of push may be too soon for her, but when she is, you’ll be the only person I call.” I assure her assistance is required just not at this moment.

Silence fell dead on my ears, “Let’s play it by ear. She still seems really fragile. I had some comfort food in mind though.” My voice perked at the thought of her home cooking.

Harkening the smile that danced across her face, “Ah yes, I can make her favorite.”

“You must be psychic, that’s exactly what I had in mind. Maybe some delicious food to remind her of better times when she stood over and enjoyed life will help to ease her pain. Hopefully it will supply some form of comfort?”

“Comfort is always a good way to get a person to quell the disquietude. Especially food that evokes memories of past elation. When do you need it, Precious?”

“Is Sunday okay? But I also need a lot of it, mom.” I request, unsure if it’s attainable by then.

She scoffed at the receiver, “How much?”

“Enough to feed about 8 people and possibly seconds for what I have in mind.”

“That’s it? Of course, I’ll head to the supermarket after work to start preparations. It will be falling apart by Sunday.” Her voice was triumphant, aware there’s no comparison to her cooking.

My mouth watered at the thought. “Thanks mom. You’re the best mother any child could ever ask for.”

Expelling a breath into the phone, “Olive juice Ruby.” I could hear a light giggle echo in my ear.

Letting out a snort, “Olive juice too mom.”

Olive juice? Guffawing to myself, why did I surmise that, was I love you as a child? Shaking my head with a huge grin I waste no time enacting the next part of the plan.

Disconnecting the call with a warmth coating my veins. My mind drifts, mom is the absolute best. I attempt to spend as much time with her as I can since I moved but sometimes I feel like life takes over. I need to make a serious effort and make a larger presence in her life more often. Make it a routine and not just a convenience.

Searching my phone, I scour, checking everyone I want in the call. Once everyone is included I commence a video chat with everyone.

Amanda picks up first, then Elijah and finally Jade. Harmonious greetings filter through the phone.

“Hey guys, quick chat cause I know we all have lives to tend to. Chloe has not been in good spirits, she hardly leaves her room, has chosen selective mutism and has not consumed much nourishment.”

Jade: That seems normal given the circumstances.

Shelly: Yes, but prolonged.

Amanda: What do you want us to do?

Shelly: I was thinking we could all go over for a visit this weekend and just hang out with her. Help her feel a semblance of normalcy. Just her crew laughing and just having a good time.

Elijah: I’m down for it. Anything for Chloe.

Jade: Yeah me too.

Amanda: I’ll have to see if someone can cover me. I’m working all weekend.

Shelly: Okay great let me know. I’m bringing some comfort food, Chloe’s favorite. My mother makes a delicious beef stew. Be sure to bring your appetites too.”

I decide to break it to them that she’s bruised.

Shelly: Guys, she still hasn’t healed completely. Shes...

I struggle to find the right words.

Shelly: She’s still... bruised. She may not want all of you to see her in that state. I’ll assist her with makeup before you all come over.

Everyone remained stoic. I began my best friend, motherly protection.

Shelly: Furthermore, First and foremost, DO. NOT. TOUCH. HER.

I remain silent to let the words penetrate their heads.

“No hugs, no kisses, no pats on the back - nothing. She is sensitive to touch right now and will freak out at unsolicited connection.”

“She needs time to accept affection even from those she loves. Please try to understand that her trauma has affected her in ways incomprehensible to us, nonetheless she requires space at all times.”

“Second, ensure to stay within her line of sight, she frightens easily. Don’t stand behind her or come up to her from any angle she cannot see you. This can trigger her.”

“Lastly, don’t pressure her into talking about what happened. In her own time, when she is ready, she will speak to who she wants to about what happened. All that is required of you for Sunday is to hang out with her like we always have. Giving her some normalcy to try and give her some sort of break from her torment.”

Jade: Of course Shell. I got my girl all the way.

Amanda: If I’m able to show up, I’ll be sure to show her a good time.

Elijah: I’ll do whatever I can to help her through this.

Shelly: Perfect guys! We are all so lucky to have each other’s backs. I’ll see you all Sunday.

Farewells and goodbyes sing across the room before silence ensues. Sucking in my lower lip I contemplate if this is the right form of action.

Thoughts drift to Eric and this gaping existence between us. In search of how to unitize us once more. Shutting my emerald eyes, back and forth movements ensue on repeat coming to the understanding, this is not the time to contemplate our failing relationship.

Shaking off my disparaging thoughts, I dial Axle.

Axle: Hello.

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