Desire for you- ALPHA RYAN Book 1

CATHERINE

The pain was indescribable. I felt as if a part of me had been taken out. He had done it... He had rejected me because he had to.

Every minute and second he wanted to spend with me flew by.

"NO!" I screamed, crying and falling to my knees. I cried my heart out while Ryan desperately tried to help me. Even Rose and Daeva were quiet. They felt the pain and all my suffering.

"Cate, you need to calm down...", Ryan told me and sat down on his knees in front of me.

He pulled me into his arms as I cried uncontrollably.

"Cate, think about our baby... Please," Ryan whispered to me and looked at me sadly.

"I'm afraid we can't change it, the pain will lessen, please Cate" Ryan hugged me tightly.

"Get less?" I gasped out, unable to even ventilate my lungs properly.

"We didn't do anything to at least try... we didn't look for a solution Ryan! We abandoned him!" Once again I was gripped by a fit of sadness and anger, so I burst into tears again and sobbed loudly.

The comfort Ryan tried to give me wasn't enough for me. I wanted Ilay by my side again. I never wanted to be separated from him.

'Please Catherine, you're putting the baby under a massive amount of stress.... Ilay wouldn't want that, don't forget what you promised him' Rose spoke up and hit the mark with her words. I promised Ilay... I promised him that I would try to move on.

Ilay...

Tears clouded my vision and I felt like I was being overwhelmed by the pain. It wasn't the pain I'd felt when I'd rejected Ryan. No, this was worse. Our bond was completely broken and I felt nothing. This emptiness hurt so much that it turned physical.

"Catherine! Catherine!" I heard Ryan say again and again and soon I couldn't see anything. Rose tried to wrestle inside me for control and managed to get through.

She forced me to transform and soon I was oblivious. Rose put me into a stupor.

RYAN

Damn... Damn. I watched Catherine break in front of me. By now Maya and Tristan had rushed into my room. They had heard the screaming and were visibly startled.

Rose had forced Cate to transform. Rose lay exhausted on the floor and I gently stroked her dark red fur. Again and again I marveled at her she-wolf, how beautiful she was.

"What happened?" Maya and Tristan asked at the same time.

I shook my head and looked at them sadly. "She was rejected," I said quietly and put Rose's head on my lap and stroked her head gently.

Tristan frowned. "Why would Ilay reject her after all you've been through?" He asked me and sat down next to me.

"He didn't do it willingly... He was forced. He had to refuse her or he would have been banished and lost his immortality" I answered him and sighed in frustration.

"So what? Then he should have given up his immortality..." Maya said, looking at me in bewilderment.

I shook my head "It's not what you think Maya... He would have died in no time and Catherine didn't want that. She didn't want to do that to him..." I whispered quietly and a tear fell down my cheek.

I couldn't believe what had happened in just one day. I was struggling to process the whole thing myself.

Even though I never wanted Ilay at Catherine's side, I had accepted everything in the end. I would never have believed that it would be over so quickly.

Maya and Tristan were quiet and looked at us sympathetically. Maya grabbed a blanket and covered Rose, who didn't say anything. She seemed completely traumatized by it all. First the story with Arnor, then Catherine trying to take her own life and now being rejected by Ilay.

That was hard.

Rose was tired from everything and she fell asleep in this position. By turning, she was trying to take all the pain away from Catherine so that she could deal with it more easily, but that would take time...

This whole thing had gotten to me too and I felt like a walking zombie. I wondered what Ilay was doing. If Catherine was reacting like this, what was Ilay like? He must be beside himself. Fortunately, I had exchanged numbers with Achira last night so that I could contact her at any time if necessary.

I also had Ilay's number, but for the first time I didn't dare to contact him.

I pulled out my cell phone and looked up Achira's number.

Ryan: How is Ilay?

Achira: Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth?

That didn't sound very promising...

Ryan: The truth...

Achira: He's about to burn down the entire Daemon Heaven, but I'll get it done somehow. His father has just arrived and is now trying to get him into the fence as well. Don't worry about Ilay. Worry about Catherine and don't forget to make a gynecologist appointment in the next few days.

Ryan: Oh crap... that sounds really bad. Let me know if you need backup.

Achira: As if you could lift Ilay, I guess you didn't really get to feel him...

I guess she was right, but I tried to be there for Cate here and now.

Achira: And how is Catherine?

Ryan: The truth?

Achira: Yes

Ryan: She's in such a bad way that her she-wolf had to take over to protect her. She's devastated too.

Achira: Oh, not good... Take good care of her, no matter what.

Ryan: I will, see you then.

I put my phone away again and sighed.

This could go well.

I knew that this acute phase would last for about a week and then it would be over again. After that, it would still hurt, but not as bad as now.

It was all a bloody quandary, no matter how you turned it around, it was all bad.

I didn't move, even though Rose's head was pretty heavy. She was sleeping peacefully and I was very glad that she had intervened in this situation.

Maya bit her lower lip and looked at me "Hmm... That really sucks, but the question is, what do you want to do now?" she asked me.

I looked at her confused, "What do I want to do? We have to accept this..." I said.

"Aren't you going to look for a way out?" she asked me again.

I shook my head and sighed softly, "There's no way out of this, Maya. Even if Ilay even said so... Apparently it's their law that says there's no way," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

I mean, I thought it was bad already, but at least this way I had Catherine all to myself.

Damn, that thought was selfish of me, but what the hell am I supposed to do? In hindsight, I already felt guilty about stabbing Ilay in the back by trying to sic Helena on him.

Luckily I hadn't played that move, because now I would have been the Bad Wolf in everything and Cate would have hated me and sure, in hindsight I was really sorry...

"I think we'll leave you alone here for the first time... We'd only heard the screams and didn't know exactly what was going on." Tristan finally said.

I nodded in understanding and sighed "I'll see you later for sure, but I have to stay here for now in case Catherine wakes up. You must continue to run the pack affairs, Tristan. Make sure everything is in order" I said to him.

He nodded, "Will do, boss." he said with a smile.

He and Maya finally disappeared from my room and I was glad to be back here in the pack house. It was my familiar surroundings. Ilay's house was amazing, but there was nothing better than being in my own house.

I stayed in this position for several hours, watching Rose sleep. I kept stroking her fur gently. My legs felt almost numb over time and eventually I heard Rose grumble.

'This is all so fucked up,' she said directly and lifted her head.

I wanted to get up, but I had to wait for my blood circulation to get going.

I nodded slightly, "Yes, she's miserable." I sighed and looked at Rose.

'I'll stay in my form for as long as it takes, Ryan, she needs to recover from this or she'll go crazy. I don't know what her demoness is doing either, she's eerily quiet and she's bloody unpredictable. I don't want her to go on an insensitivity rampage,' Rose said, settling back down on the floor.

"Yeah, you're right... maybe that's not such a bad idea' I sat down on the armchair and spun around in circles, thinking about how I could make the whole thing easier for Catherine, but there was nothing that could take that burden away from her.

I sighed and looked at the bag Achira had given her. It was lying on the floor and the things had fallen out of it.

I stood up and picked the things up from the floor. I looked at the tiny clothes and had to smile. Due to all the circumstances, we hadn't really had much time to be happy about it. With wolves, pregnancy was a lot quicker and would be over by the sixth month of pregnancy at the latest.

I also looked at a small gift box and picked it up. I opened it and found a small gold baby bracelet with a plate to engrave the name. I turned the plate over and had to smile. "Aunty Achira, loves u" was engraved on it and I closed the box again.

It was really sad, I would miss Achira myself. There was something about her easy-going nature and talking to her was always pleasant. If Ilay had died, Achira would have had no one to look after her. Sure, she was a grown woman and could stand up for herself, but having someone who is effectively there for you is something completely different.

I couldn't have imagined what would have happened if they had banished Ilay. Then there probably would have been more chaos and the whole funeral program would have started. I could only hope that Ilay would come to his senses and not terrorize half the demon kingdom.

Let's see what time will bring...