Desire for you- ALPHA RYAN Book 1

ILAY

The moment of truth had come. The time had come and I had to give my father an answer once and for all.

It had been a sleepless night. Cate had fallen asleep in my arms at dawn, completely in tears. I hadn't dared turn a blind eye and watched her as she slept. I ran my fingers gently over her hair and sighed softly. What I wouldn't give to keep her by my side forever...

Ryan had probably decided to leave us alone that night, and I was glad he didn't have to watch any of it, even if he could track most of it out of us.

After our conversation, it got very quiet between the two of us and we just enjoyed each other's presence without discussing it too much. It was a foregone conclusion. I would have to turn her down and from then on, we would go our separate ways...

Every thought of it sent me into pain and I was at the point where I could no longer hold back my tears. It just wasn't possible anymore.

I never thought that one day true love would break me.

Now I was here and I was afraid of what I would have to face today.

Could I bear to see Catherine suffer? No, I couldn't... It was going to be an ordeal today that I couldn't even begin to describe.

Damn it, this couldn't be true... These really were our last hours together. I just wanted to please her, because if I had wanted to, I would have hunted Ryan down on the first day. But Catherine would have hated me for the rest of my life.

I felt myself getting angry again and condemning the entire universe for even existing.

I felt a small hand squeeze me gently "It's no use getting upset, Ilay.... We can't change it" Cate whispered softly, looking up at me.

Her presence alone, calmed me. How the hell was I going to get along without her?

I nodded compulsively "I'm sorry, I just still can't believe it, or rather I don't want to believe it, that these are our last hours together." I whispered softly.

"I feel the same way," she said and looked me in the eye.

I hugged her tightly to me and wanted to never let her go again.

There was a knock on the door and Ryan came in. It looked as if he had gotten as little sleep as we had. He looked at us and pulled up a chair to sit next to us.

"How did you get on?" Ryan hardly dared to ask.

Catherine bit her lips and looked at me. "We've decided that I'll turn her down and we'll both try to be happy, more or less," I mumbled to myself and sighed softly.

Ryan nodded slightly "I'm so sorry for you... Even though I couldn't stand you at first, you've become a true friend now. No matter when, you can always get in touch and come visit us, Ilay." Ryan said and looked at me.

I nodded slightly and really appreciated his words. "Thank you, Ryan," I said to him and stood up slowly. "Shall we have breakfast together?" I asked the group.

That would be our last meal together before I had to take her back to the pack house and turn Catherine down... I was sick of eating at the thought.

"I'm not hungry," Catherine said and sighed. Ryan looked at her, frowning, "You need to eat, Cate, you're all bones. Come on now, Achira's got everything ready." He said and took Cate by the hand.

We went down to the kitchen together.

Luckily, Achira hadn't prepared a feast, because nobody felt like it.

She just looked at us sadly and nodded to us, "Sit down," she said. Apparently she knew there was no point in asking how we had slept.

We sat down and all ate our food in silence.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

I suddenly stared at the clock hanging on the wall and wondered how long it had been there. It was already ten o'clock and I was running out of time.

Ryan followed my gaze and gave me a pitying look while Cate poked at her food.

'This is all fucked up...' Ryan said to me in his mind and I didn't know what to say to that.

The ticking of that clock was really getting on my nerves now and I wondered if I should take it off here and now.

'Have you made up your mind Ilay?' my father asked me in my thoughts and I widened my eyes. Why was he asking me that now? 'I thought I had until thirteen o'clock?' I asked him.

'Now, to be precise, it's already twelve thirty,' he replied and I looked at Achira in confusion. "When was the last time this clock was set correctly?" I asked her and pulled out my cell phone. He was actually right. The damn clock was set wrong and we hadn't paid much attention to the time otherwise.

"Damn!" I said and let my plate crash to the floor. I only had half an hour left.

'Ilay?' My father urged.

'Yes, I've made up my mind, father... You have to buy me a little time... Please,' I demanded of him, hoping that he could do that.

'Ilay, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. I have three council members standing here next to me, waiting for an answer. I'm really not the problem here Ilay...' he said and I could partly understand him.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked worriedly, looking at me.

"We don't have much time left, Cate... We have to go." I whispered quietly and the time had come.

She looked at me speechlessly and stood up. "We have to get back to you, Ryan..." I said and he nodded.

Achira just looked at us sadly and didn't say a word. She walked up to Catherine and hugged her tightly "I'm going to miss you a lot, Catherine... I hope we can see each other again one day." she said to her and pressed a bag into her hand.

"These are the baby clothes we bought together and a little souvenir," she said. Catherine hugged her again "Thank you for everything, Achira, I'll miss you too." she said and I saw tears running down both of their faces.

Achira hugged Ryan too "Forgiven and forgotten" she whispered to him and smiled at him. He nodded slightly "Thank you" he returned the hug and I looked at them both.

Catherine had gone really pale by now and it broke my heart to see her like this.

"Shall we?" Ryan asked, looking at me. I nodded and found myself staring at Catherine.

"Damn..." I muttered to myself and teleported us to Ryan's room. I didn't want any spectators, it was enough that Ryan was there.

The time had come, I had no more time. No more time for anything.

If I didn't turn them down by thirteen, it would be too late for anything.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine..." I whispered softly and pulled her into my arms.

Catherine began to sob "I can't believe this, Ilay... I don't know what I'm going to do without you," she whispered softly, looking into my eyes.

"Ryan will worry about you, I'm sure of it. Please, you have to think about the baby, okay?" I whispered against her lips and kissed her one last time. She returned the kiss and I dreaded having to break away from her.

"I'll always love you," she said.

"I love you too, Cate," I planted one last kiss on her forehead and looked at Ryan, who was now hugging me too.

"Take good care of her or I'll give you hell," I said, to which he rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. "I will, Ilay," he promised me.

I looked at Catherine in the meantime and swallowed hard.

"I'm so sorry Cate" I said again and she nodded "I know it's not from you Ilay.... We both have to get through this," she said quietly, looking at me sadly.

I cleared my throat because I felt like I was losing my voice.

"I, Ilay Edevane, reject you Catherine Crawford as my mate.... Do you accept this rejection?" No sooner had I uttered these words than an indescribable pain shot through me, forcing me to my knees.

Catherine was no better, "I-I Catherine Crawford, accept your rejection." she gasped, her face contorted with pain.

Our connection to each other suddenly cut off and I no longer felt anything for her. The warmth, the love, just her, was no longer a part of my soul, and the longer we stayed close to each other, the greater the pain became.

"Ilay, you have to go now before something else bad happens." Ryan said and knelt down to Catherine, who could barely breathe from the pain.

I looked at Cate one last time and couldn't get a word out.

I had to leave her.

I teleported back home and threw the first thing I could get my hands on against the wall.

I screamed my head off and damned everything and everyone for it.

Achira came running and tried to stop me from smashing everything.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed at her and was on one hundred and eighty.

"Ilay, you have to calm down! There's no point in anything you're doing here..." She tried desperately to bring me to my senses, but at that moment it was impossible.

My heartache was too great to calm down again, even if the pain lessened without Cate's presence, the thought of it was unbearable. Just leaving her behind like that sucked.

"I can't, Achira... I can't take it" I said angrily, glaring at her. "She was everything I lived for, and even her I've lost now. I have nothing left, Achira, I have no fucking reason to stay here anymore..." I ran my fingers through my hair in despair and paced around the room like a lunatic.

I might as well have been banished. Dying would have been the easier option, but that wouldn't have been acceptable to Catherine.

Achira grabbed me by the shoulders and looked at me "You still have me, Ilay, and Catherine wouldn't want you to go mad like this..." she said, glaring at me.

"You can't understand this, Achira... You won't understand until you find your mate. You won't even dream of rejecting him. It's as if a part of me has died." I looked at her and finally shook my head.

"I have to get out of here..." I mumbled to myself and walked away from her.