Desire for you- ALPHA RYAN Book 1

CATHERINE

Ilay called me into the office and somehow I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. Especially as talking in the office was never good.

I looked at Ilay and he looked visibly exhausted, and Ryan also looked like he'd been hit by a truck. I'd never seen them both in such a pale state.

"What's wrong with you two? You look a mess" I said and sat down next to Ryan.

Neither of them dared to say a word and through our companion bond I could feel the trepidation in both of them.

"Did something happen?" I asked quietly and the only thought that crossed my mind was that something might have happened to Achira.

Ilay looked at me with his green eyes and looked as if he had lost all his life energy.

"Can someone talk to me?" I urged. I could smell the alcohol and looked at their glasses, which they had probably both finished.

"I don't even know where to start, Cate... I don't even know how to explain all this to you." Ilay whispered softly and looked at me with a pained face.

Suddenly I felt like I was being crushed by a massive sadness. What could be bothering Ilay so much? I had never seen him in such a mood before. It had to be something serious.

"She needs to know... it's not helping anyone, Ilay," Ryan whispered, looking into the emptiness as sadly as he felt at the moment.

Ilay's voice was shaking, I could tell by the fact that he almost couldn't get a sound out.

"My father was there, the demon king," Ilay finally spoke up.

"It's been going around that I found you and Ryan is in on it." He said compulsively.

What did it matter that they knew that? After all, we were meant to be companions, weren't we?

I nodded, signaling to Ilay that I understood that part.

"I was given a choice, Cate," he said, holding his breath for a moment. If I didn't know any better, his heart had skipped a beat too.

I swallowed, feeling like I was in for something bad now.

"I have to reject you or I'll be banished and lose my immortality. If I lose my immortality, it means that I will age and die within a few days." He croaked out softly.

Did I not hear right? Did he really say that?

"You're kidding me," I said, glaring at Ryan in the hope that they were kidding me.

The way Ilay and Ryan looked, it looked like they were dead serious.

Ryan shook his head, "I'm afraid not," he whispered, lowering his head to the floor.

"B-but it can't be that there's no solution to this! Have you even looked for a way out?" I was getting louder and louder and I could feel the panic gripping me inside. I stood up and ran towards Ilay. Tears welled up in my eyes. "P-please tell me it's not true," I said to him. My heart was already aching, knowing that I was going to lose Ilay. The thought alone was torture.

This couldn't really be the end for us...

Ilay avoided my gaze, not even daring to look me in the eye.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered out.

"No... no... NO!" I screamed at him and held him by the shoulders.

"Please, Ilay, don't do this to me!" I said crying and was now on the verge of breaking down.

Ryan held me to my feet and looked at me sadly "Please Cate, you have to keep your composure now, don't forget that you are now responsible for another living being..." he said gently.

I shook my head and couldn't help but pour my heart out.

A life without Ilay... I had hated him so deeply and now I loved him more than anything. It couldn't be that this was... was the end.

Ilay looked at me too and tried to look strong now. His eyes were shining though and anyone blind could see that he was on the verge of crying too.

"Please Cate, Ryan's right..." he croaked out quietly. His eyes began to turn dark red with all the emotion.

I shook my head "I can't Ilay, I can't take it..." I whispered and hugged him tightly.

He hugged me back too and I could hear him sobbing "Oh Cate..." he said softly "I don't want to reject you Cate.... I'd rather die for it..." he whispered softly, looking into my eyes now.

I shook my head, "You can't die Ilay... I wouldn't be able to take it." I wiped the tears from my face and looked at him.

I was also trying to keep my composure now. I was in a bad way, no question, but Ilay? He was given the choice and it all led to nothing for us...

I detached myself from Ilay and sat down again, I had the feeling that my legs were about to give way.

Ilay wiped the tears from his face and looked desperately into the blazing fire, as if searching for an answer.

Ryan was no less affected than we were. He shed tears too and pulled me close to him.

"There's really no way out?" I asked quietly, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Ilay shook his head "The law is the law... My father has given everything to give me a life with you, but apparently this happiness doesn't last long... I have until tomorrow at thirteen. If I don't give him an answer myself, he'll banish me and it won't be long before I'm no longer alive either..." he whispered softly and sat down next to me.

I reached for his hand, which was ice-cold.

He ran his fingers over my hand and looked into my eyes.

"Will we be able to see each other afterwards if you turn me down?" I asked softly. Just saying those words put me in a position of pain.

Ilay nodded slightly "As friends, depending on what our broken bond can withstand..." he said softly.

I nodded slightly. When a bond was broken, years could pass before the pain neutralized.

I heard a loud crash outside and we all looked at each other.

Ryan finally stood up "I'm going to go check on Achira, not that anything has happened to her." He finally said.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and walked out the door.

Now it was just me and Ilay.

I looked at him sadly and was speechless. He had fought so hard for us and it wasn't always easy for him. After all, he'd had to fight with Ryan all the time and then I'd joined the suicide squad.

Just the thought of how he had tried to resuscitate me and failed, how he had cried for me. That alone stabbed me in the heart.

I couldn't allow him to take his own life now. I would never forgive myself for that. He didn't deserve something like that, even if it meant that he would be sad for the rest of his life. We would both be sad about it...

I took his hands and looked into his eyes "Ilay... You must not be banished, do you hear me?" I said softly and gave him a kiss on the palm.

"You have to keep going... Even if it means we're not together. You have to. Do you understand?" He grabbed my cheek and scrunched up his face, "I can't imagine my life without you, Cate. What's the point of me living? I'd have to remind myself every day that I gave you up just so I could live a lifetime. I don't want that, Cate," he said, a tear running down his cheek.

I shook my head, "I will always love you Ilay, even if you were at the end of the world, my heart is yours and it will never stop beating. Even if you reject me, I know it's not your intention. I beg you, Ilay... I could never say goodbye to you. The thought of having to bury you..." I shook my head in bewilderment "I can't" I breathed softly and felt my stomach begin to cramp from the stress level I was experiencing.

Ilay looked at me worriedly and finally nodded "I'll do anything you want, but please do me a favor and take care of this baby, I don't want you to lose it because of me, I would never forgive myself for that Cate" he said putting his hand on my stomach. "You can't neglect this little being because of me.... No matter what. I'm asking you to," he said desperately.

How could I take care of someone if I couldn't even manage to help him, whom I loved more than anything?

I burst into tears again and snuggled up to him. He hugged me tightly and stroked my hair. I could feel his grief, it was bothering him so much and yet he tried to play the hero in my presence.

He really was a hero...

"I want to show you a place," he whispered softly and looked at me

I nodded slightly and wiped the tears from my face.

He took me by the hand and led me out of the room. We went up the stairs to the top floor, which was locked.

"This is where my mother used to live," he said and unlocked the door. It was dusty and it looked like no one had been in here for years.

"I loved her more than anything," he whispered softly, smiling slightly.

I followed him quietly and looked around me.

"She was banished by my father because she made the mistake of cheating on him with another man.... My father never had time for her and one thing led to another" he said, glancing at me. "She may have made a mistake, but she was the best mother in this world." He said in a shaky voice and it seemed to me that he still wanted to protect her.

He was biting his lower lip and he was on the verge of tears. He opened a room and we ran inside.

"Before she died, she left me something special..." he said and I looked at a tall glass case that contained a piece of jewelry inside. The necklace was fine, made of gold and had a pendant in the shape of a heart. The special thing about it was that it lit up in the middle, as if it contained fire.

He took out the necklace and looked at it. He whispered some words that I couldn't understand and the fire took on an emerald green color. "She gave it to me so that if I ever long for her, I can touch it and reminisce about the beautiful memories of her." He paused and looked at me sadly.

"Now it's our memories that you'll see in it, Catherine," he whispered softly and stood behind me.

I didn't dare say anything. My words got stuck in my throat and I was on the verge of crying again. It felt like it was goodbye between him and me.

"Ilay..." I whispered softly. He put the necklace around my neck and fastened it at the back.

The necklace felt warm and magically comforted me.

"Every time you're sad and want to think of something nice... Then all you have to do is touch it and I promise you that it will take away all your worries and doubts," he said and tried to smile. It failed, he looked like a wreck, his eyes were watery.

"I don't want you to touch her until I'm out of your life..." he found it hard to talk about it. The desperate look on his face said it all.

I was speechless and could only nod.

"Promise me you'll be happy with Ryan and the baby, Catherine. I don't want you to spend your life mourning after me and neglecting everyone around you. Promise me that you will be strong for your little family," he finally demanded of me.

I gulied at his words, "I-Ilay do you know what you're asking me to do?" I gasped out and shook my head "I can't let you do this, you can't leave me Ilay..." I said desperately, almost begging him not to leave.

"There's no way out of here. Every beautiful story ends one day... Our story ends here, Cate. I will always love you" he whispered softly, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips.

His lips felt so soft and smooth. I wanted to never let go of those lips again.

"I will always keep an eye on you, Catherine Crawford. You are the love of my life..." he whispered against my lips and looked deep into my eyes.

I nodded slightly and hugged him, whereupon he returned the embrace and hugged me tightly. I breathed in his intoxicating scent and enjoyed every second we had left together.

It really was goodbye...

"How could you forget the day your heart is broken?

The strange thing about a broken heart is that it's not fatal.

Even if you wish in vain that it was, life goes on and you have no choice but to go with it. You accept what fate has given you and move forward because there is nothing else you can do."

Tracy Winegar