Demon

Jonathan’s

The presence of his closest friend is a salve to my beloved’s turbulent feelings. And now, the promise of answers, answers that I am unable to provide, brings him a spark of hope.

I am grateful to Gabe for being here, for being willing to assist Jonathan, to explain to him what has happened. Perhaps once he knows more about me, his hatred will subside. I long for him to understand how much I love him, how I overcame my suffering to come back to him.

“Yeah,” Jonathan tells his friend. “Tell me.”

Gabe tries to summarize the bizarre set of facts that have been laid out by the Seer’s Guardian. “Okay. Back when your guardian went missing that day you fell off the jungle gym, it was because the other guardians were all yelling at him to make him stop trying to control you. Do you remember that?”

“Yeah. After Demon got back, I started remembering everything a lot better. I remember that it was like what happened today. I was feeling furious and trying to get to Natalie, to make her stop talking. I think she was trying to explain to me about guardians, and Demon didn’t want her to.”

My dearest child is correct. I did not want her to tell him. I still wish she hadn’t. If we had been successful in stopping her, none of this would have happened.

Although, I realize with chagrin, it was also her action in sending her brother to Jonathan which is currently bringing him the consolation that I have failed to deliver. I cannot hate her for that.

“Well,” Gabe goes on, “do you remember Natalie and Timothy talking about energy? The stuff the guardians use to talk to each other?”

Jonathan nods.

“That day, the guardians were all using it to yell at Demon. It turns out that it, like, blasted him apart. That’s why he disappeared.”

Jonathan’s eyes grow wide. “You mean they blew him up?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Oh.” Jonathan tries to adapt to this new knowledge. “Well, he must have gotten better.”

“Yeah, he did, and Angel has realized now how it happened. Remember Natalie telling you how Demon is connected to your soul?”

Jonathan nods again. This has always seemed very abstract to him, and while I was lost, he cared little about these issues. He only wanted Natalie to be there, touching him, because this made him feel better every time. He did not concentrate on what she was talking about. He just wanted to be near her.

Again, the Seer. Everything is about the Seer.

“Well, anyway, I guess whenever she was touching you to help your soul get better, nobody realized that it was also helping Demon get better. Eventually he was healed enough to come back to you.”

Jonathan stares at Gabe, confused. His reaction is much the same as Natalie’s had been to this information.

“Why the heck was Demon so mad when he saw her, then? You’d think he’d want to say thank you for helping him!”

“I guess it was because he was mad at her for everything that happened. He blamed her for him getting blown up and vanishing. While he was lost he hated her. When she started touching you, and it was healing him, he hated that too because he didn’t want her touching him. But he couldn’t stop it.”

“Even though he knew it was helping?”

“Yeah, even though.”

“Huh,” Jonathan grunts. He falls into silence for a few minutes, considering, trying to make sense of this. I eagerly watch him, silent, hoping that his mind is able to resolve this in a way that makes me seem less hateful. All I want is for him to love me, not hate me.

After a time, he says, “Well, I guess maybe that makes sense. If someone I hated was touching me all the time, I’d be mad too.”

It fills me with warmth to hear him acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

Gabe nods. “Yeah, me too. So I guess that’s why Demon got all upset when he saw her. Angel says that he has very complicated feelings about her.”

Jonathan actually laughs. “No kidding. I could tell. My head was ready to explode with all the crazy things I was feeling. I know it was all coming from him.”

They lapse into silence a moment longer, while the rays of the sun peek out from beneath the layer of clouds that had covered it, very nearly sinking beneath the horizon. The boys’ faces are bathed in the golden light of the sunset. They both watch, admiring the beauty even as they contemplate the chaotic events of this evening.

“Well,” Jonathan finally says, “how is Demon now? Is he going to go all crazy and mad again?”

“I don’t know,” says Gabe. “Angel is afraid he will. He told us that we should stay away from you, because it wouldn’t be safe for Natalie if Demon keeps hating her like that.”

Jonathan is stricken. He feels certain that he will lose his friends, his best friends. And this will be my fault. As surely as I have blamed the Seer for all of my misfortunes, Jonathan will blame me for this. His hatred for me will endure and grow. A future of pain and turmoil lays before us.

The boys stare at each other, sensing the imminent ending of their friendship. Sadness fills their eyes.

Jonathan decides to immediately face it. He just wants to find out. If I am to be a monstrous burden for the rest of his life, at least he doesn’t want it to lead to harm for his friends. He will forego their friendship in order to protect them, if it appears that my presence will make him dangerous to them, to the Seer.

I watch his thoughts develop with dismay, unable to whisper that it is not so, because I know that he may be right. I do not know if I will ever be able to control my emotional response to the girl.

He sets his jaw in a firm, resolved line. “Well,” he tells Gabe, “let’s find out. Let’s get Natalie over here.”

Gabe’s brow furrows, full of worry and sadness, fearing that this meeting will not go any better than did the last one. I share his fears. I believe I might not be able to control my reaction. Yet I do not want to be the cause of anguish to my beloved.

Jonathan says, “I wish I could just talk to Demon, tell him what I think.”

“Oh!” Gabe says. “Sure, you can. Natalie told me I can talk to my guardian whenever I want. I do it sometimes. I can’t hear him talking back, but I know he hears me. They always hear everything. They’re always watching and listening.”

“Oh yeah?” Jonathan says. His eyes narrow. “Okay, fine. Demon, listen up!”

I am shocked out of my self-pity. My beloved addresses me directly!

“Natalie is coming over here,” he says. “You behave yourself! I don’t want to be feeling any crappy feelings coming from you. We all have problems. You need to just get over it!”

Gabe’s mouth hangs open as Jonathan scolds me. I believe mine does the same. My new demon image is an intensely material manifestation. I have often witnessed Angel’s form react to the Seer with what appear to be genuine physical motions, almost as though his body is real, and can make actual movements and expressions. My image has begun to do the same, essentially involuntarily. I am sure my face looks shocked.

Jonathan huffs out a sigh, then says, “Okay. Gabe, can you go get her?”

“No need,” Gabe replies, gesturing down the hill. “Here she comes.”

Jonathan looks at his friend. “Do me a favor,” he says. “Get ready to grab me if I go crazy.”

Gabe nods, his eyes wide.