Chapter 63
Gabe
I haven’t got the foggiest clue what to do next. But she said to give her a minute to think, so here we sit. She is staring off at the horizon, this intense expression of determination on her face. I suppose Angel is sitting there with her, but I have a feeling he’s leaving her alone too, to let her think. She isn’t looking off to the side to listen to him, so I think he’s being quiet.
I guess I just wait.
It doesn’t really take long. She sighs, and says, “I think you should go talk to him, Gabe.”
“What? Why? What on Earth would I say?”
“Well, at this point he is the only one who doesn’t know what is really happening. Demon has been listening to this whole conversation, right Angel?” She looks over at him, and apparently he confirms that because she looks back at me and nods.
Woah. I didn’t think of that. Like, everything we just said about Demon, he totally heard. He knows what we all think.
“So, Demon knows what we think, and we know what he thinks, but poor Jonathan is still sitting there all confused and probably miserable. That’s why I think you should go over there. You don’t have to tell him anything, or you can tell him whatever you want. It won’t make any difference to what happens with Demon. It’s just that he needs you. You’re his best friend. I think you should be with him. Just be his friend.”
Oh. God. She’s right. I hadn’t even thought of it that way. Jon is scared and alone and doesn’t have any idea what is going on. I should have thought of his feelings. I’m so glad that Natalie did. I feel embarrassing tears pop into my eyes, because I’m sorry for Jonathan and grateful for my sister. I quickly wipe them away.
“You’re right. Will you wait here?”
“Yes, I’ll be here. We’ll just wait to see what happens. Go.”
Jonathan
I’ve been sitting here so long that my butt is going numb. I don’t want to move, though. I’m scared of what will happen if I go back. Everything that Natalie warned me about came true. I know that Demon made me go all crazy again, and it’s only thanks to Gabe that I didn’t end up attacking Natalie.
I hate Demon. Why would he want me to hurt my friend? Why did he have to come back? I know that I used to like to hurt people, and apparently he wanted me to do it. But while he was gone I got over that. I don’t want to feel that way. I especially don’t want to feel that way about Natalie. What is it about her that makes him so mad? I could feel it, boiling through me, and I hated it. I hate him. I wish he would go away again.
Jonathan’s
It is the deepest grief I have ever known. To hear my beloved consider his hatred of me. If only he was still oblivious to my existence. That would be far preferable to hearing this hatred. I love him. I cannot bear for him to hate me.
Again, it is her fault. I was right to try to prevent her from telling him about me. Then after she had banished me, she did it anyway. His knowledge and hatred of me are all her doing. Always the Seer, always creating unbearable agony.
I long to console him. He sits alone, taking no comfort in my presence. He is confused and terrified by having felt my fierce emotional reaction. Even without me attempting to deliberately control him, he was unwillingly compelled into action that he did not wish to take.
It occurs to me that there is a tragic parallel here between us. I was unwillingly compelled to accept the Seer’s healing touch. I hated her for it. His reaction to being so compelled to action by me is similar. A sense of violation.
The more I consider this, the more horrible the reality of it becomes. I hate the Seer for what she did to me. And Jonathan hates me for what I have done to him.
To be in the same position as the Seer herself is the worst thing of all.
And still, I try fervently to comfort my beloved. “My dearest, I would never try to harm you. I grieve for your pain, my sweet.”
I cannot find a way to help.
But then, a staggering thing occurs. The Seer can. She finds a way to help.
In the course of the entire wretched conversation she holds with her Guardian about me, about what she did to me, she never once feels hostility towards me, or towards my beloved. She does not blame me, or him.
She actually blames herself, as do I. She is right to accept the blame. It is all her fault.
She goes further, though. Overcoming her own sadness and uncertainty over the situation, she feels a deep compassion for my beloved. She does not want him to continue to feel alone, and confused, and afraid. She finds the perfect remedy.
She sends his friend to him.
Gabe
I run all the way over to Jonathan. But then, when I get closer to him, I slow down. I look at him as I walk up. I don’t think he’s moved this whole time. He’s just sitting there on the ground, his back against the wall, his arms around his knees. He is staring off into space. I don’t know if he even realizes I’m here.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” he replies. So, yeah, he knew I was here.
“All right if I sit?” I ask him.
“Go ahead,” he says.
So that’s what I do. I just sit down next to him. I don’t know if he feels like talking, so I’m happy to just be together with him. Like Natalie said. I just want to be his friend. I just want him to know that he isn’t alone.
We stay this way for a while. I don’t know how long. The sun is getting lower, off to our side, shining light into the sides of our eyes.
After a while, he sighs, then turns his head and looks at me, squinting in the sun.
“You okay?” I ask him.
“My butt hurts,” he replies.
I laugh. “Well, get off it, dude. Come on, let’s take a walk.”
He sighs again. I stand up, and offer him my hand. He reaches up and takes it, and I help him stand. He moves his legs around a little, clearly uncomfortable from having been sitting on the ground for so long.
“Your butt fall asleep?”
“Apparently.”
“Well, come on then. Wake it up.”
I lead him over to the hill overlooking the canyon behind the park. The sun will be going down over there pretty soon. Sometimes I like to see the sunset, and maybe that’ll be nice for Jonathan too. Help calm his mind.
We stand together, looking out into the canyon. He isn’t talking much, but I can tell that his head is full of questions.
“So,” I say, thinking maybe it would help him to ask some of them.
“So,” he replies.
I think he’s going to go quiet again, but instead he says, “Does she hate me now? Now that I did it again?”
“What? No! She doesn’t even blame you. She’s the one who told me to come over here.”
He looks over at me. “Really? Why?”
“She thought you could use a friend.”
“Oh.” He stares at me for a second, then looks back across the canyon. The sun is starting to slip down into the clouds that are on the horizon.
“I wish I knew what happened,” he says. “It was so strange, and I have no idea what is going on.”
“I do,” I tell him quietly.
He swivels his head back around and stares at me. “You do? How?”
“Angel told Natalie, and she told me. That’s why she said I should come and talk to you. Because she knew you were the only one who didn’t understand.”
His mouth hangs open.
“So, want me to tell you?”