Demon

Natalie

I’m just waiting with Angel on the bench. It’s not hard to wait, because Angel is telling me everything they are saying. Gabe is making Jonathan feel better. I knew he’d be able to do that.

He’s doing a good job explaining everything to Jonathan, too. Sometimes I’m not sure how much attention he is paying to whatever is going on, but he obviously understood the whole thing. Maybe even better than I did. It makes me smile a little when Angel says he told Jonathan that Demon got blown up. I guess that’s accurate.

Then, it makes me sad when Angel says that Jonathan feels like he is ready to stop being friends, just so I’ll be safe.

That’s not what I want.

“Darling, Jonathan wants you to go to them now. He wants to see what happens.”

Oh. Okay. Well, at least we are going to give it a try. I am not ready to give up on being Jonathan’s friend. I will never be ready, no matter what happens.

Angel has described more to me about how Demon was feeling and how awful it was while he was missing. I think I understand why he has been so mad at me. It was my fault he got lost, and then he kept having to put up with me touching him all the time, while he was hating me so much. Just because I didn’t know it was happening, doesn’t mean that it didn’t feel awful for him.

I have to think of a way to make this right.

Jonathan and Gabe are standing on the edge of the canyon, staring at me as I walk up the hill.

“Where is Demon?” I think to Angel.

“He is behind Jonathan, closer to the edge of the canyon.”

I have a plan.

I slowly walk right up to Jonathan. I am watching his eyes, and Angel is watching everything else. “Well?” I think to Angel.

“Demon is again feeling a flood of emotions, but he is attempting to prevent himself from using the energy which would direct these emotions towards Jonathan. So far, Jonathan is still in control of himself.”

I give Jonathan a little smile, but I don’t touch him. I don’t want to push it.

Then, I look up over Jonathan’s head, about where I think that Demon’s eyes must be. I picture him the way that Angel described him. A huge red demon with wings and horns, taller than my Dad. I see it in my head, but it isn’t scary. It’s just sad. Poor Demon has suffered, he has been scared and lonely and angry, and it was all my fault.

Just because he is a guardian doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t care about his feelings. I’m starting to realize that guardians are basically people too. They have feelings, they can love or suffer, they can be happy or sad, they can need friends. I want Demon to know that I understand.

“Demon,” I say out loud to him, and I hope that I’m looking right into his eyes. Jonathan’s mouth falls open, and he and Gabe gape at me while I keep talking. I’m saying it all out loud so they know what is happening too.

“I am so sorry,” I tell Demon. “I understand what happened to you, and I want you to know how sorry I am. I didn’t know that everything I did would end up hurting you, and making you get lost. I never wanted to hurt you. Then when I was helping Jonathan’s soul get better, I never knew that what I was doing was bothering you. I know now that you hated it when I was healing you. I wish I had known. I wish that I could have asked for your permission. I don’t think you would have hated it if you had said it was okay for me to do it.”

I would expect Angel to tell me everything that Demon is doing, but he isn’t. He is just staying quiet, watching me, waiting for me to finish. I figure he will tell me anything I really need to know.

“I’m glad that you’re back,” I tell him. “I know how much Jonathan needs you. Even though he was feeling better after a while, he was never complete without you.”

Jonathan is staring into my eyes, watching me talk to his guardian. I look back down at him, and he nods, agreeing with me. Even though he is upset by what is happening, he knows that he needs Demon to be with him.

“I hope that you can accept my apology, and let Jonathan stay friends with us,” I continue. “I will always try to help Jonathan if he needs it, and I know that you want what is best for him. And I will always try to help you too, if there is anything I can do for you.”

And then I know what to do. Demon is still hurting, still full of anger and pain and sadness. A lot like what Grandfather was feeling, or what Timothy’s dad was feeling. I helped them by touching them. I can’t touch Demon any more than I can touch Angel.

But, I can touch Jonathan. His soul is connected to Demon. I can hug them both.

“Please, Demon,” I ask him, trying to fill my eyes with all the love I am feeling, “let me help you now.”

I raise my arms to put them over Jonathan’s shoulders, hesitating there a moment to ask him permission with my eyes. He nods, and I can tell he doesn’t know what I think is going to happen, but he trusts me. I wait to see if Angel tells me Demon wants me to stop, but he doesn’t.

So I grab Jonathan in for a big hug. I hold him to me as close as I can, and I feel him relax against me. They are connected. I hope that whatever it is that helps people when I touch them can help Demon too.

I just stay this way, and Jonathan hugs me back.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Angel moving. I am startled when I realize what he is doing. He kneels down on the ground right next to me, and looks up at Demon.