Breakaway: An Accidental Marriage Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)

“Didn’t expect you to be up.”

I slowly turn my head and see Nevaeh. She stands beside the couch, dressed in light blue jeans and a white tee with the word “Censored” across the chest. Her hair swims down her shoulders, and two little braids frame her face, with makeup only slightly accentuating her eyes.

“Roman?” she says, lowering her head to meet my gaze.

I cover my mouth with my palm to hide my yawn. My mind is all foggy, my thoughts swirling and scrambling at breakneck pace, not letting me focus on anything. My headache is pounding in my temples.

“What time is it?” I ask hoarsely.

“Eight thirty.” Nevaeh frowns, studying me with her eyes narrowed. Grabbing my chin between her fingers, she tilts my face toward her. “What time did you wake up?”

I jerk my head, and her fingers drop away. “Around three.” When I stand up from the couch, she takes a step back. “Why are you talking to me?”

She scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. “Why do you need to make everything so difficult?”

“You spent yesterday evening ignoring me. Giving me the silent treatment. And suddenly I’m the one who makes things difficult?”

Lifting her chin up, she glares at me. Her teeth are sunk in her bottom lip, her face darkening. She opens her mouth and then closes it again, tapping her foot on the floor. Her agitation rises, and a darker shade of pink tinges her cheeks.

“How long did you sleep?” Nevaeh asks.

“Three hours.” I shrug, skirting her and ambling to the kitchen. With each step I take, my head starts to hurt more. It feels like someone is drilling holes in my fucking skull.

“Roman, you need to sleep.”

“I’m good,” I tell her, pouring some water into a glass. “Go to work. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“You need sleep,” Nevaeh bites out, stomping over to me. “You look like a fucking ghost. Go to bed.”

“Da ne mogu ya⁠1,” I yell, halting her in her tracks. My hands are trembling, and I put the glass on the kitchen counter to avoid spilling water. “I can’t. Not today.”

Nevaeh stands still, her arms dangling at her sides. Her eyebrows knit together as she anxiously searches my face. Licking her lips, she rocks from her heels to her toes, shooting daggers at me with her eyes. Her chest rises and falls so quickly, I have no doubt she’s pissed. With a quiet snort, she takes a step back.

“As you wish.”

Turning on her heel, Nevaeh storms to her bedroom and then to the front door. Her little black purse is hanging over her shoulder when she walks out of my apartment. The door slams closed, and I quietly slide down to the floor, leaning my back against the cupboard. I’m drained. So empty that I don’t even have it in me to fight my demons. Not today, at least.

Today, I let them win.

“Roma, how are you?” my mom asks, her worried voice coming through speakerphone. I lie on the floor in my living room and stare at the ceiling.

“Nikak⁠2.” I sigh, inhaling sharply. “I don’t feel anything.”

Mom sniffs. “Roma…You shouldn’t be alone tonight. Pozhaluysta, mal’chik moy dorogoy⁠3.”

“Everything is going to be alright. I promise, Mom,” I whisper. Any time I try to lift my head, it feels like it’s going to explode. This headache blurs my vision, and every fucking sound heightens my pain. Even my mom’s voice brings me discomfort.

“Maks would be so mad at you if he⁠—”

“He’s dead, Mom. For seven fucking years today. Don’t tell me what my twin brother would do if he could see me now,” I say and cover my eyes with my palm. “Did you go see him?”

“I did,” Mom confirms quietly. “I visited your dad too…your grandma said hi.”

“That man is dead to me, Mom. I don’t care about him or his side of the family.”

“Roma,” Mom warns, but I just shrug it off. I couldn’t care less what she has to say. This is the one thing she and I will never agree on.

“Let’s talk tomorrow, Mom. Bye.” I grab my phone, hang up, and toss it back on the floor. I need to get up, go to my room, and stay there. I need to avoid Nevaeh while I’m in such a fucked-up state. And yet, I lie still, my eyelids growing heavier.

Just a few more minutes, and I’ll go to my room. Just a few more…

“Roman?” Her fingers brush my hair from my forehead and delicately slide down my cheek. “Is everything okay?”

I open my eyes and meet Nevaeh’s gaze. She sits on the floor, hovering over me. Her eyebrows are pulled together, and she’s staring at me from under her eyelashes. The corners of her mouth drop, collapsing into a deep frown.

“What time is it?” I whisper huskily. My throat is so tight, it’s hard to swallow.

“It’s eight p.m.,” she replies, caressing my cheek with the pads of her fingers. “I had a meeting with my boss, and it ran late, so I just got home from work. And found you here.”

“Sorry if I scared you.” I sit up and glance at her. “And sorry for being rude to you this morning. You didn’t deserve it.”

Nevaeh smiles weakly. “Thank you.” Her gaze coasts over my face, and she tilts her head to the side. “How long have you been on the floor?”

“Since this morning.”

Scrunching her nose, Nevaeh takes a deep breath. “Did you eat?” I shake my head no.

Exhaling loudly, she gets up from the floor and extends her hand to me. I take it, barely registering what’s happening around me. With a hard pull, Nevaeh helps me to my feet. I stagger; standing still is a struggle. Even the floor feels unsteady.

Nevaeh tugs on my hand and makes me follow her. My headache is still there, but it’s not pounding so hard anymore. Or I’m just too weak, and the pain stopped mattering. Opening the door to my bedroom, she pulls me inside and stops beside my bed.

“Get in,” she orders in a stern voice. “Now.”

I do as she says, climbing into my bed and hiding under the blanket.

“Now sleep!” Nevaeh exclaims, taking a step back, ready to flee my room.

When her hand is on the doorknob, I prop myself on my elbow and call out to her. “Nevaeh?”

“What?”

“Can you please stay with me?”

She looks over her shoulder, and the crease between her eyebrows deepens. Then her shoulders drop, and she nods. “I’ll just change my clothes and be back, okay?”

“Thank you,” I whisper and close my eyes.

This exhaustion is bliss. It silences my mind, banning every little thought from making an appearance. No memories abusing my brain, no emotions causing me distress. It’s all gone…and I’m just an empty shell, hoping to make it through the night.

Saying good-bye wasn’t the hardest part. It was way tougher to learn how to live without someone who was always there for me. Who shared the same dreams and knew all my secrets. Losing my brother left a hole in my chest, and no matter how I try to fill the void…it’s never enough.

The slight shift of the mattress underneath me makes me aware of her presence. She moves closer while still keeping her distance. I open my eyes and turn onto my left side, facing Nevaeh. The tiniest smile crosses my lips when I notice she brought the blanket from her room and is now hidden under it.

“Why can’t you sleep?” she asks, watching me intently. My eyes roam over her beautiful face. She’s not wearing makeup, and her hair is pulled into a little bun on top of her head. Just looking at her brings me comfort. It calms me down and heals my invisible wounds, stopping them from bleeding.

A little cure for my tormented soul.

“I have nightmares.”

Nevaeh hides one hand under her pillow, scrutinizing me. I wait, expecting more questions. And kinda hoping she’s not going to pry. Lying to her doesn’t feel right, but telling her about Maksim feels even worse.

Sighing, she reaches over and pushes my hair off my forehead. “When I was little, I had nightmares too,” she says softly, holding my gaze. “Not because I dreamed about anything bad. But because my parents thought it was a good idea to fight at night. They’d wake me up with their screams, sometimes broken dishes or furniture. Anytime it happened, I’d get so scared I was afraid to move. I’d hide under my blanket for hours, trembling and crying silently. Even after my nanny told them I could hear them, they never stopped. Being at each other’s throats was much more important than their daughter.”

A sad smile spreads over her lips as she looks at something over my head. “My nanny wanted to help me, so she gave me a plush toy and promised it would protect me. It was Sulley from Monsters, Inc.—my all-time favorite movie.” Her breath hitches, and she closes her eyes, lying still. “After that, whenever my parents would get into another argument, I’d hide in my walk-in closet with Sulley pressed to my chest. I wanted to be like Boo, the little girl from the movie. To live in a monster world instead of living with my parents.”

The sadness drowns me like an avalanche, breaking through my bones and going straight to my heart. I clench my jaw and grit my teeth as another emotion overwhelms me. Anger. So much anger at her parents, dammit.

“Eventually they stopped arguing. After that they just silently hated and barely tolerated each other. There wasn’t any love. Just business, because their marriage was beneficial for both of them.” She lowers her voice. “My parents got divorced when I was sixteen. My dad caught my mom cheating on him—with his best friend, in their bed. It was something he couldn’t forgive…and I couldn’t either. I haven’t talked to my mom since.” A bitter laugh rises from her throat. “Not that I talk to my dad much these days, but at least he didn’t disown me.”

“Your mom disowned you?” I ask in utter disbelief. Looks like we have more in common than I thought.

“Yeah, and she made sure I knew it. Just to spite me, she threw away everything she’d ever bought me, but even that wasn’t enough. One day, I came home from school and found Sulley cut into pieces.”

“But…”

“She didn’t buy it for me,” Nevaeh mutters, understanding my confusion. “She just knew how much I cherished it; she remembered that I’d clutch it to my chest any time I felt sad or scared. I didn’t bat an eye when she took back the jewelry she bought for me, but Sulley? I cried my eyes out, and couldn’t sleep for days.”

“I’m so sorry, Malyshka.”

“It’s fine. Life has proven to me over and over that not all monsters hide in closets or under beds. Sometimes they give birth to you…and sometimes you date them.”

Falling quiet, she gapes at me, her mouth forming a little O. I hesitate, expecting her to say something else but also knowing she won’t. She let something slip she wasn’t going to share, and the horrified look on her face says it all.

With a sigh, I move closer and haul her to my chest. Resting my chin on the top of her head, I feel her relax into my embrace, and she cuddles into me.

“Seven years ago, my brother died,” I whisper, bile clogging my throat. “Most of the time, I can deal with the pain of his death…but not on the anniversary. All the things I’ll never tell him. All the stories he’ll never share with me. All the dreams and fucking good-byes that will never be said. There isn’t a day that goes by without me thinking about him, about how it would’ve been different if it were me⁠—”

“Roman!” Nevaeh gasps, trying to lift her head, but I just hold her tighter. “Don’t ever say anything like that again! You hear me?”

“Okay…” I say, yawning loudly. “It’s not like I can help myself. Seven years is a long time.”

She wiggles, and I loosen my hold on her, letting her sit up beside me. Staring down at me, Nevaeh bites her bottom lip. Her eyes travel around my face. I yawn again, hiding it behind my palm.

“You need to sleep, Roman,” she murmurs. “Your friends will be worried if they see you like this.”

“Will you stay?” I ask quietly.

“Roman, I…”

“Please…stay,” I beg her, my voice barely audible. “At least until I fall asleep.”

Her lips tremble, then form the cutest little smile. She bends down and kisses my forehead, awakening a very strange and unfamiliar feeling inside my abdomen.

“Night, Roman.” Nevaeh lies down and rests her head on my chest. “Sleep tight.”

“Sleep tight,” I whisper back, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. The sensation I feel only intensifies, spreading warmth all over my body.

Are these butterflies in my stomach? Because of her?

1 Да не могу я — I can’t

2 Никак. — Not great.

3 Пожалуйста, мальчик мой дорогой. — Please, my sweet boy.