Blinding Light (BLS Book 1)

Mila

“You’re still here.”

Yeah. I’m still here.

“You wanted to hear my voice? Well, sorry to disappoint, I had given up on you a long time ago.”

I don’t believe that. I know that I haven’t given up on myself.

“Are you sure about that? The lake ‘incident’?”

That was a mistake. I never should’ve done it.

“Of course. Just a mistake. Everything’s…just a MISTAKE.”

You’re supposed to guide me…not tell me my life problems.

Of course. I await its answer, but none comes.

Have I really given up on myself?

…

No. I tell myself firmly.

No, I haven’t. Even when I’m broken, shattered into pieces, I’m stronger now. Even if no one’s there to catch me, I won’t fall in the first place.

I’ll create something that’s stronger than everyone. Stronger than me. I hear it…faintly—then louder.

But it disappears, and I know exactly what it meant. It’s not the voice that keeps me moving. No voice in my head can help me stand up. Ultimately, my strength is what I stand up to. It’s me. I am the one to decide whether or not I move forward. I am to decide what to do with my life. And no one gets to choose other than me.

***

I see Raven before me, trying to pull the knife from the tree trunk. I see her again, and before I knew it, I jump up to hug her. I cling onto her body like a moth to a flame.

“What’s wrong, Mila?”

“Nothing,” I squeeze my eyes shut—squeezing the tears out. I didn’t lose her. Not yet.

“Nothing at all.”

What? Not yet? No. No time to think like that.

“Are you sure?”

“Oui. I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Even as I say these words, a dreadful feeling crashes over me. I don’t know what to do with it, so I bury it down.

“If you’re sure,” she uncomfortably pushes me away. I drop my hands, embarrassed.

Has physical contact with her always been this awkward?

It’s almost as if she’s not here. She never reacts this way.

“Well…it’s getting late. I think the tiredness is messing with my clarity. Goodnight,” I say, glancing at the sun, which is still visible but getting slightly darker each second.

“Okay. Goodnight.”

As I walk back to the cabin, nothing seemed to line up.

Wait, I should be focusing on how to get out of here. Nothing in here is real. Remember?

I find my hand gripping the handle on the front door. But I can’t manage to help but get angry again.

All my life was a lie. All of it. Except maybe the first five years. I know that now.

Curse these people—curse the universe. Curse me!

The sound of wood splintering brings me back to reality.

The brown, wooden door—once so beautifully decorated and painted on with darker colors has now been splintered to pieces. The handle’s torn off, and it lays in my left palm. My eyes widen at the sight.

Did I do that? How is that even possible? I’m sure even males from soldier camp couldn’t possibly be able to do this. And I…a lady of House Blagrove, just broken a door with my bare hand. Not even hands, only hand.

Woah.

I know it’s wrong and impossible, to say the least. But how cool is that? Maybe I have supernatural powers.

Then reality dawns on me once more.

I do have supernatural powers. Am I getting the so-called ’ability?

“Are you…?”

The voice startles me. He hasn’t…I guess he’s been quieter than he usually has been.

“So…you finally decided to come back?” I say out loud, not having a single care in the world anymore.

“Désolé…”

I wanted to get angry again, let my uncontrollable beast loose. But his voice almost rings out—the ring bringing me back to myself, my composure.

No, Je suis désolé. I’m sorry to be such a burden. You must be suffering because of me.

I want to help you.

As I think those words, I know they’re genuine. I know that this boy has some kind of relation to me. Otherwise, he would not be caught up in this mess alongside me.

But you have to help me. I can’t seem to remember that this is an alternate reality and I keep living in it…as if I’m there.

I inhale sharply.

I can’t keep living this nightmare.

“I can help…only if you let me.”

What do you mean? If I let you?

How have I not let him help before? This can’t be the end. I can’t just be stuck here forever.

“You won’t.”

Even as he says that my insecurities whisper in my mind, fueling my mistrust.

“Listen to my voice…only you can figure out the truth…the terrible truth…”

But I need your guidance. I haven’t been myself lately—I can’t tell what’s real anymore.

“Only you can figure that out.”

I growl in frustration. I can feel that he’s not coming back. With no help, no guidance, no memory. I feel myself slipping away.

Just like her.

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Thanks, with lots of smiles

☆•Yiona•☆