Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

“Si,” Alanna says as we walk into the house, the two of us pausing in front of the mirror in the hallway. “I never truly forgot you.” Her voice is soft and apologetic, as though she wants to reassure me but doesn’t know how to.

I turn toward her and wrap my hands around her shoulders. “I know, Ray,” I whisper. I can’t lie to her and say that her treating me like a stranger hasn’t hurt me, but it was bearable because even though she didn’t realize it, our love shone through. “I saw it in the thousand cranes you folded for me, the tattoo on your rib and the handkerchief you carry with you. It was in the way you kissed me, the way you couldn’t resist me, even though you fought this thing between us so hard. Even when I couldn’t call you mine, I knew your heart still belonged to me.”

She nods and takes a step closer to me, her arms wrapping around my neck. “You never stopped searching for me, did you?”

I shake my head. “How could I? I knew you were out there somewhere, and I refused to believe you simply left me. We may have had an argument, but it wasn’t the kind that would have you walking away from everything we had.”

“Silas,” she says, her voice pained. “What if I’d died? What if you’d never found me? Were you just going to waste away your entire life because of me? That’s not what I wanted for you.”

I lean in and press a lingering kiss to her forehead. “If you’d died, I’d avenge you and spend the rest of my life mourning you. I once promised you that you’d be my last love, and I meant it. If one day I found out that you’d been buried, I’d bury my heart right alongside you and count down the days until I see you again.”

“You’re crazy,” she says, tears filling her eyes.

“I know.” I drop my head to hers and inhale shakily. “Maybe I really am crazy, Alanna, because I knew you were still out there. I could feel it in my soul. I knew you were waiting for me to find you, so I never stopped searching. I’m sorry it took me so long, baby.”

Alanna sniffs, and I wrap my arms around her fully, hugging her tightly as she bursts into tears. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you. I’m sorry I hurt you so much, Si. I’m so sorry.”

I wrap my hand over the back of her head, her face nestled against my neck. “All that matters is that you found your way back home, baby.”

She rises to her tiptoes, her lips finding mine. The way she kisses me is different. It’s tinged with regret, and I lift her into my arms. Alanna wraps her legs around my hips as I carry her to our bedroom, her lips never leaving mine. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?” I whisper against her lips. “When you went missing, Ricardo and other residents went searching for you, but you were nowhere to be found. I nearly went crazy trying to find you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m here now, Si. I’m here, and I’m never leaving you again. You’ll never be alone again, I promise.”

I lay her down on our bed and climb on top of her, covering her body with mine. “You can’t,” I tell her. “You can’t ever leave me again, Alanna. I barely survived it the first time, and my heart took another beating when I walked in here to find you packing your bags.”

She cups my cheek and looks into my eyes. “I didn’t know what to believe, Si. Ryan…”

I tense, and she looks away, guilt marring her beautiful face. I thread my hand through her hair and tilt her face back toward mine. “It’s okay, baby. Your heart was always mine, whether you wanted to admit it or not.”

She looks into my eyes, a tear rolling down her face. “Forgive me,” she whispers. “Please forgive me, Si. I was chasing the closest thing to you I could find, and meeting you again was the start of the end for Ryan and I. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved, Si.”

I smile at her, the feeling bittersweet. “There’s nothing to forgive, Ray. If you dating him truly changed anything for me, I’d have let you go the moment I found out about the two of you.”

I turn us over so we’re both on our side, facing each other. It’s strange, because she’s been here all along, yet the way she looks at me today is different. It truly is her now.

“I’m so proud of you,” she tells me, her gaze roaming over my face. She traces the contours of my face with the tip of her fingers, and the way she smiles at me has my heart skipping a beat. “This home, everything you’ve built. You did everything you told me you would. Si, you even kept some of the promises you once made me, all without me even realizing. Buying me a dress to change into before a date? The diamond necklace you gave me on my birthday? Even the bedroom we’re in now is so similar to all of my Pinterest inspiration boards. You’ve made both of our dreams come true, and I couldn’t be more proud. I’m so sorry I wasn’t by your side throughout the years, Si.”

It’s so surreal to have my Ray lying here with me. Until now, I didn’t even realize just how much I still missed her, even when she was here with me. “I did it for us,” I admit. “I did it because I knew that someday you’d be here with me.”

“When you told me you were the man of my dreams, you meant it, huh?”

I chuckle, my nose brushing past hers. “In more ways than one.”

She bursts out laughing and pushes against my shoulder, making me roll onto my back before she climbs on top of me. “I have so many questions about the last couple of years, and there’s so much that still doesn’t make sense to me, but it can wait.”

I smile at her, my hands wrapping around her waist. “Is that so? Well, you did find your first love. I suppose this is the part where you ride off into the sunset with the man of your dreams, leaving me heartbroken?”

She narrows her eyes at me and shakes her head. “I can’t believe you teased me like that when you knew it was you all along!”

I burst out laughing, my heart overflowing with happiness. This, right here, right now. This is the future I always envisioned.

“I’m not one for riding into the sunset, Si,” Alanna says, a teasing smirk on her face. “But I’m definitely up for riding you until sunrise.”

My cock hardens at her words, and I tighten my grip on her waist. “Then ride me, Ray.”