Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

The slight drizzle distracts me enough for me to miss Ryan standing outside of the office at lunchtime, his gaze on me. Our eyes meet, and I freeze. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. He’s been avoiding both Silas and me, and I don’t blame him.

He walks over to me with an umbrella in his hand and holds it over me, shielding me from the rain. “Alanna,” he murmurs.

“Ryan.” My voice is tinged with regret, so much standing between us now that the distance can never be breached.

Before everything fell apart for us, before we even fell in love, we were friends. Ryan was one of the only friends I had. He’s the only one I felt comfortable around, the only one who shared my interests. Everyone else around me focused on partying so hard that they could barely remember the night before, and I couldn’t imagine anything worse. The mere idea of getting so drunk that I’d lose even more of my memories terrified me, and Ryan understood that.

He understood that there were things that were important to me, even if I could never fully comprehend why. He let me follow instincts and sounds, the two of us going on little adventures as we tried to stir my memory, all to no avail. Maybe he did approach me for the wrong reasons, but some space and time allowed me to see clearer. Not everything we had was fake.

“Can we talk?”

I nod, and he leads me to the sandwich store I frequent. We walk in silence, the air surrounding us loaded with regret.

“I love my brother,” Ryan says eventually, his voice soft. He turns to face me, the two of us huddled underneath his umbrella. “I really do, Alanna. I love him, but I’ve also learned to fear him. Hear me out, okay? It’s all I ask.”

I nod, and Ryan inhales deeply as he looks down for a moment. “Throughout the last few years, Silas has slowly but surely taken everything from my mother and me. You see, my father knew what kind of person Silas is and didn’t trust him with our assets or the company. He left everything to my mother, knowing she’d take care of both of us. Silas couldn’t accept that and left home.”

He runs a hand through his hair, and the pain and sincerity in his eyes tell me he truly believes that his words are true, but every single instinct is telling me that it can’t be.

“We didn’t hear from him for a few years. Mom tried looking for him, wanting him to come back home, but he wouldn’t. Mom tried her hardest to run the company but she struggled, even with the competent staff she had, and the business was at the brink of bankruptcy. Mom told me we had to sell the house, and that she’d found a buyer. That’s the first time I saw Silas again. He was standing in front of the door with a suitcase in tow, a sly smile on his face. He told me he was finally home, and in his next breath, he told my mother to pack her bags and get out of his house. Can you imagine that? She raised both of us, yet he threw her out so easily. Turns out he was the one who bought our house. He could’ve just told us, and we’d have gladly asked for his help and given him the house in return, but he hid his identity as a buyer out of contempt for my mother. He did the same with the company.”

Ryan looks into my eyes, his gaze pleading. “Silas is sly and vicious like that. You never truly know what he’s thinking or plotting. That is why I’m worried about you. Throughout the years, Silas has taken everything from us, going as far as to quietly buy the company’s shares so he could gain control over Dad’s company. He didn’t even want it. Silas hired a CEO to replace Mom. He’s gone after everything we used to have, every car, all of our property, everything. He won’t use any of it, but he doesn’t want Mom and me to have it. I’m worried it’s the same with you. I’m worried you’re yet another conquest to him, another way to make me suffer for reasons I cannot understand.”

I don’t know what to say to him. I’m not even entirely sure what to think at all. I can see the pain in Ryan’s eyes, and I don’t understand Silas’s motivation for doing what he’s done, but I’m sure there must be a reason. “Ryan… did you talk to Silas about this? Have you asked him what’s going on?”

He nods. “All he says is that he’s just righting wrongs of the past, and that he isn’t trying to hurt me, but that’s all he’s doing. He feels wronged for being cut out of the will and is taking that out on us, when everything that happened was Father’s wish. I’m not sure where he’ll draw the line. Think about it, Alanna. How did you two meet? Was it because I introduced you, or had he been stalking you before that?”

I hesitate, a hint of panic running down my spine. “I… we met at the coffee shop on campus. He’d been coming there for a few weeks before you even introduced us. We never really spoke much, though.”

“The coffee shop on campus? Think about it, Alanna. That’s nowhere near his office or his house. Do you really think that was a coincidence? He’d been watching you long before I introduced you to him. Why? It’s because he’s keeping an eye on me, and he no doubt saw how happy we were together.”

“No,” I murmur weakly. Silas wouldn’t do something like that, would he? And if he did, I played right into his hand when I asked him to take me home.

“I know you live with him,” Ryan says softly. “I figured it out the moment I realized you were together. I had my suspicions about you two, but I chose to trust you because I really do love both of you. I ignored every single red flag because I was so scared to lose you, especially to him.”

I look away, unable to face him.

“I don’t know how long this has been going on, Alanna, but I’m partially to blame. He wouldn’t have come after you if not for me. Just think about the way you two got together and truly ask yourself whether or not it’s all coincidental, or whether it was carefully orchestrated. You were evicted for no reason, and Silas happened to step in and offer you help? I won’t say much more because I truly don’t think you’ll believe me, but I recommend that you check his financials. See if there was anything suspicious about that eviction, since it’s what allowed him to truly win you over. Would you have fallen for him if he didn’t have access to you after working hours? If you hadn’t moved in together, would you two be dating now? Just think about it.”

Ryan stares up at the sky that has finally cleared and pulls the umbrella away, closing it. “I know it’s over for us. I know I fucked up and I’ll forever pay the price for it, but Silas is doing exactly what I once did to you. You couldn’t forgive me for approaching you with ulterior motives and using you, but what he’s doing is a thousand times worse. Do you just not see it, or are you refusing to?”

He smiles at me sadly and takes a step away. “Just think about what I’ve told you, okay?”

Ryan walks away, and I stare at his back, my thoughts in turmoil. I don’t know what to believe, and I’m scared there’s a thread of truth in Ryan’s words. If he’s right and everything between Silas and me was a lie, where does that leave us?