Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

Silas parks the car in his designated spot at the office and turns toward me. “Still mad?”

I glare at him and shake my head. “Nope.”

“You sound mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“If I’m understanding it correctly, you’re mad because you’re going to leave me for your first love and you two are going to live happily ever after.”

I side-eye him and get out of the car. Silas chuckles, and his laughter just grates on me. He’s so incredibly annoying. It’s maddening enough that he isn’t jealous in the slightest, but now he’s mocking me, too. “Just wait till it happens,” I mutter under my breath. “You won’t be laughing then.”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing!”

I walk toward the elevator that leads up to the office, and Silas runs after me. “Alanna,” he says, and I pause as I turn back to him, pouting.

He holds up one of my paper cranes and smirks at me. “You know what? I think the thought of you running into your first love’s arms and riding off into the sunset does upset me a little, so I’m going to open this one.”

“You… why… why are you carrying that around?”

He grins at me as he moves the crane through the air, pretending to make it fly. “This is my new superpower,” he informs me. “It’s my ammunition against that first love of yours that’s going to steal you away.”

I walk up to him and reach for it, intending to snatch it out of his hand, but he holds it over my head. “I’m opening it. The more I think about it, the more upset I get, you know?”

“You really don’t seem upset.”

“I really am.”

“Si, none of those are appropriate for use outside of the house.”

He shrugs. “You said I could use one of these if you upset me. I’m merely following your instructions.”

He unfolds it and grins slyly. “Let’s see if you can stay mad at me after this.”

Silas turns the unfolded piece of paper my way triumphantly. Kiss for a minute, it says, and my cheeks flush. What was I thinking, writing that?

“You said it was an IOU,” he reminds me. “I’m collecting.”

I sigh and step up to him, my hands on his chest, slowly sliding up, until I’ve got them wrapped around his neck. “I can’t give you a full minute, not here in the parking lot. What if someone sees us?”

“I don’t care. I’m ready for the world to know you’re mine, Alanna. I don’t want to hide it.”

I shake my head and rise to my tiptoes. “You say that now, but once it happens, the rumors and ridicule will make both of us uncomfortable.”

“Kiss,” he says, his tone petulant. “I unfolded the crane, so you have to keep your promise.”

I smile reluctantly and lean in, my lips brushing over his chastely. Before I can pull away, Silas tangles his hand through my hair and pulls me flush against him roughly, his touch desperate and intoxicating. Every thought falls away as his hands roam over my body, his tongue tangling with mine.

The sound of something falling to the floor near us makes me jump away, my heart racing and my breathing irregular. I turn toward the sound to find Josh staring at us in shock. He bends down to pick up his car keys, his expression tinged with disgust. My heart sinks and I look at Silas in alarm, but he looks calm and unfazed.

“Good morning,” Silas says.

“Morning, boss,” Josh replies weakly.

I can’t even look him in the eye as shame floods me. In the comfort of our home, it was easy to pretend that our happiness wasn’t tainted. It was easy to ignore the world around us and the people that’d never understand.

Josh brushes past us looking distraught, and I move to follow him before hesitating, unsure what I’d even say.

“It’s fine, baby,” Silas says. “They’d find out at some point, anyway. This might not be ideal, but it was unavoidable.”

I glance back at him, unsure how to respond or how to even feel. Somehow, I thought he and I could always exist in our little bubble, where our happiness was protected from those that would condemn us, but he’s right. This was inevitable.

“Come on,” he murmurs. “Let’s go face the music. Josh won’t keep quiet for long.”

He holds his hand out for me, and I hesitate for a moment. Silas smiles at me and nods reassuringly. “Together,” he murmurs, “Per aspera ad astra.” Through difficulties to the stars.

I take his hand, and he entwines our fingers as we walk toward the elevator. I’m so nervous that I feel sick, but Silas’s hand in mine grounds me. A small part of me had been waiting for this moment, hoping for it even. When I started folding those cranes, I knew I wanted him forever. I knew I wanted to remove every memory of Ray from his mind. I knew what I was signing up for.

He looks into my eyes as we reach our floor, and I nod. I’m not sure what we’re about to face, but I know it won’t be support or understanding. They’ll judge me harder than they will Silas, and the rumors will be endless.

“What’s wrong with you?” I hear Jessica ask Josh as we round the corner.

Silas squeezes my hand and clears his throat. “He saw me kissing Alanna, but he’s wondering whether or not he can tell you about it.”

Jessica rises from her seat, her eyes wide with disbelief. “What?”

Josh nods and looks away, as though he can’t stand to look at us.

“But you two… Alanna… you were dating Ryan, weren’t you?” she asks.

I swallow hard and force myself to look into her eyes. “It’s true that Ryan and I were dating some time ago, but we broke up before I started at Sinclair Security. Silas and I… we didn’t plan this. Neither of us expected to fall for the other, but we did. It wasn’t our intention to hide it from you, but we weren’t sure you’d understand.”

“I don’t. I don’t understand.” She walks past us, and I move to follow her before thinking better of it. She put her faith in me when everyone accused me of entering the ψ division through Ryan, enduring ridicule from other colleagues because she stood by me, and in a sense, she must feel betrayed, and I don’t know how to make it better.

“Leave her be,” Silas says. “Give it a little bit of time.”

I nod, and Silas raises our joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of my hand gently before he lets go and walks to his office. I’m tense as I sit down at my desk and pretend not to see the disgusted and shocked looks that are being thrown my way now that Silas is out of sight. It isn’t just my own team members that are judging us, it’s the other executive employees that are on this floor, too.

Josh swivels his chair toward me and crosses his arms. “So I guess you went after Silas once you realized that everything Ryan owns was actually borrowed from his brother. I was right about you, after all. You got in through nepotism, and you’re a gold digger. I don’t care if Silas fires me over this, either. You fucking disgust me.”

I reel back and steel myself, his words piercing straight through my heart. I knew people wouldn’t understand, but I didn’t realize how much it’d hurt. “It wasn’t like that at all. I have no ulterior motives when it comes to Silas, I swear.”

He grits his teeth and stares me down. “Does Ryan even know you’re fucking his brother? Or are you leading them both on?”

Ryan. It’s only a matter of time before he finds out, and I’m not sure how he’ll react. It’s one thing for me to deal with the consequences of my actions, but will this destroy the relationship that Silas and Ryan only just rebuilt? And if it does, will Silas forgive me?