Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

“Tell me it isn’t true.”

I look into Ryan’s eyes, his expression tearing straight through my heart. I’m a coward, because I’ve been avoiding him for as long as I could, using Silas’s private elevator whenever I get to work, eating at my desk so he can’t intercept me outside and going straight home the moment I finish work. I knew I’d have to face him someday, but I’ve been delaying this moment for as long as I could. I should’ve known he’d figure out that the garage is the easiest place to intercept me.

“Tell me they’re all just rumors, mindless gossip. Tell me you aren’t dating my brother.”

I look down at my feet and nod. “It’s true, Ryan.”

He walks up to me and lifts a trembling hand to my face. “No. Tell me it’s all a joke, Alanna.” His voice breaks, and I close my eyes in resignation.

“It isn’t. I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t… I never meant for it to happen.” Except that isn’t true, is it? I’m the one who seduced Silas. I was the one who begged for it.

“You’re fucking my brother?”

“I… it isn’t like that.”

“What? You’re in love with him?”

I nod. I’ve never even told Silas that I love him, so it doesn’t feel right to admit it to Ryan, but it’s true. I’m hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Silas Sinclair.

“Do you really think he’s serious about you, Alanna? He’s only with you because he wants to hurt me. Silas can’t stand seeing me happy. For years now, he’s taken everything I own, leaving both my mother and me penniless, without remorse. You’re just another conquest, another part of his plans. You might think he cares about you, but I assure you he doesn’t. He’ll tire of you eventually, and where will you be? I would’ve given you everything, Alanna. I loved you. I fucking loved you, and you stabbed me in the back, making a fool of me.”

“That’s enough.”

I turn at the sound of Silas’s voice, my restless heart at ease when he walks toward me. Silas wraps his arm around my shoulder, ignoring the way Ryan flinches. “I told you to wait for my meeting to finish,” he admonishes.

I nod and look down at my feet, unsure whether I should shrug his hand off or not. I don’t want to hurt Ryan unnecessarily, but I also don’t want to lie or hide anything anymore. The lies are eating at me, and though it hurts, I’m glad the truth is out.

“Why?” Ryan asks, his voice soft. “Why did you do this to me, Silas? Why her?”

Silas looks at his brother, his expression chilling. “She was never yours to begin with. Didn’t you approach her because you knew I’d love her? I do, Ryan. I do love her.”

I tense at his words and look up in shock. This isn’t how I expected to hear those words for the very first time, but I’m glad to hear them nonetheless.

“You only went after her because you knew she was dating me. Why would you do that? Why, Silas? What have I ever done to deserve this?”

Ryan takes a step back and starts to pace, his hand running through his hair over and over again.

“What went so wrong between us, Silas? I used to look up to you. You were my hero, growing up. You were the big brother all my friends wished they had, but you were mine. I was always so proud to be your brother, even if we didn’t share the same mother. Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? I know you and Mom never got along, but what about me? What did I do to deserve your wrath? You’ve gone after everything I’ve ever had, and now you’re taking my girl from me?”

Silas frowns, confusion marring his features. “Ryan, I’ve never hated you. I’ve done my best to make sure you don’t suffer from anything I’ve done. I bought you an apartment when I took back our family home, and I let you drive any of my cars at any time. I’ve even given you an allowance without a cap, and I’ve only questioned your spending once. I did all I could to make sure you’re minimally affected by my actions.”

“You took everything from me and made me live on your terms, at your mercy. Where does it stop, Silas? I’ve got nothing left for you to take. You’ve taken every single thing I’ve ever loved.”

“This was never about you, Ryan. Alanna… she isn’t one of your possessions. Even if I wanted to, she isn’t something I can just take. She came to me willingly, and now that she has, I’m never letting her go. Our relationship has nothing to do with you.” He tightens his grip on me, his expression pained. “Besides, I wasn’t the one who approached her with bad intentions. You set out to use her, and it backfired. Blame me all you want, but if you treated her right and she truly loved you, she never would’ve looked at me twice. You pushed her away and right into my arms.”

Silas pulls me closer and tips his head toward the car. “Let’s go,” he murmurs.

“This isn’t over,” Ryan warns. “Don’t think that I don’t know you’ve been keeping me away from her. First you took away my access to the top floor, and then you started to make her work over hours whenever I wanted to see her. I know what you’ve been doing, Silas. I just didn’t understand why.”

He turns toward me, his gaze torn. “I’m not giving up on you, Alanna. I don’t give a fuck that you’re with my brother. It won’t take you long to see him for the psychopath he is, and when you finally see through him, I’m going to be there for you. I know I fucked up, and now that you have too, we might actually be able to move past this. I’ll wait for you.”

Silas’s grip on me tightens, and he pulls me away from Ryan, his body tense as he leads me to the car. “Are you okay?” I ask as he gets in beside me.

Silas shakes his head, his hands draped over the steering wheel. “I didn’t think… I thought… I didn’t want to hurt him. Contrary to what he might think, I do care about my little brother. I’ve done my best to protect him and shield him, but all I’ve done is make him misunderstand me, and it’s too late to make amends now.”

I place my hand on his thigh and inhale deeply. “Do you regret it? Us?”

He turns toward me and shakes his head. “Never. I meant what I said, Alanna. I love you. I will always love you. It might take a while, but we’ll get through this.”

I smile at him. “I love you too, Silas.”

He nods as he starts the car. “I know. Our love can withstand more than you could possibly imagine, Alanna. We’ll get through this too.”

I hope so. I’m terrified he’ll end up blaming me for the ruined relationship between Ryan and him. I’m scared Ryan is right, and Silas will eventually tire of me. I’m utterly, entirely, totally, terrified that I’m not enough to make the pain worth it.