Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I look up when Alanna walks into the house, my heart skipping a beat at the sight of her. She has no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about her coming home to me like this. It’ll never get old. In ten years, I’ll still feel the same level of excitement. I just know it.

Alanna pauses halfway into the living room, her eyes roaming over the countless candles I lit all over the living room. “What is this?” she asks, her tone carrying a hint of uncertainty. “Are you expecting someone?”

I finish setting the table and nod. “Yes,” I tell her as I pull out a chair for her. “You.”

Her eyes widen, and for once, she looks entirely disarmed. “This is… for me?”

I smile at her and hold my hand out. “Come here.”

She takes a cautious step forward, and I wait patiently as she walks toward me, each of her steps measured and insecure. She looks into my eyes as she takes a seat, her gaze filled with questions.

“Why are you doing this? What is this, even? Is this supposed to be a date? You’re never home early, and today…”

I lean in and push a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I told you that you were worth fighting for. This is me fighting.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the woman I’m going to marry, and you might not quite realize it yet, but I’m the man of your dreams.”

“Is this all because I went for lunch with Ryan? Is this all some type of weird sibling rivalry?”

The way she looks at me breaks my fucking heart. There’s so much distrust in her eyes, and I have no doubt Ryan is the cause of it. She and I made so much progress when he wasn’t in the picture. One lunch date with him, and she’s doubting my intentions. I can’t tell if it’s because of something he said, or because he reminded her that she once blindly put her trust in the wrong person, and she’s scared she’s making the same mistake.

I reach for her hand and entwine our fingers. “No. I don’t give a fuck about your past with my brother, and quite frankly, I don’t want to hear about it. I want you for you. I’ve wanted you for far longer than you realize, and nothing will ever change that, not even you dating my brother. I’m tired of dancing around this thing between us when I know you feel it, too. ”

“I want to believe you, Silas,” she admits. “But you’re surrounded by women that’d pay good money for a single date with you, and I… I’m no one. I don’t know why you’re doing this, but you must think I’m stupid if you truly expect me to believe you really want me. I’m not saying that to act coy either — it isn’t a plea for compliments or reassurance. I’m just done with all of this. I’m tired of being led on, and I’m tired of deceiving myself. If you want me in your bed, just say so. Don’t lead me to believe you have feelings for me.”

I tighten my grip on her hand, the pain in her eyes going straight to my heart. Seeing Ryan clearly reminded her of the way he used her, and now she’s convinced herself I’m doing the same thing to her. Weeks of progress, all destroyed within the hour she spent with him. Just how badly did he hurt her? No matter what I do or say, she won’t believe I truly want to be with her.

“I understand,” I say, my voice soft. “I’m not asking anything of you, Alanna. I just want to spend time with you, can I?”

She hesitates and I sigh as I look away, my thumb drawing circles across the back of her hand. Just having her so close to me is setting my worst worries at ease.

“You talk of ulterior motives,” I murmur. “I’ll admit that that’s part of the reason I want to be with you. You don’t have ulterior motives. You’re not after my money or status. You’re one of very few people who look at me and see the man beneath the persona I’ve crafted. I feel like I can be myself around you.”

She looks up, her gaze searching, and I lay my soul bare, my expression disarmed and earnest. “Why me?” she asks, her voice catching on the last word.

“Because I love your smile and your tenacity. I love the way you and I are always in sync, the way we work together, and the way you seem to understand me like no one else can.” My eyes roam over her lips and down her chest before I tear my gaze away. “And because I want you every waking second. I can’t look at you without wanting to pull you closer and kiss you. I think of the way your pussy felt around my cock every time I close my eyes, and when I go to bed, I imagine you lying next to me, your long hair spread over my pillows, your lips on mine.”

Her expression darkens and her breath hitches. Her cheeks turn a beautiful rosy color, and I squeeze her hand in an effort to keep myself seated when all I want to do is walk over to her and yank her out of her chair so I can kiss her the way I’ve been wanting to.

“Are those reasons good enough for you?”

She nods. “They sound good,” she whispers. “But there’s no way of knowing whether it’s true or not.”

“Tell me what it is you’re worried about. You think I only want your body? That I’ll tire of you eventually and leave you heartbroken?”

Her eyes widen, and I smile at her. I know her well enough to realize what she’s thinking, but I’m not sure how to set her worries at ease.

“Marry me,” I tell her. “Marry me, and if I ever leave you, you’ll be able to take half of my assets. Would that set you at ease? Would that prove to you that I’ll never let you go?”

“Bold move,” she says, smiling. “What if I actually say yes? What will you do then? What if I’m really just after your money?”

I chuckle and lift our joined hands to my lips before pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “If you say yes, you’ll make me the happiest man in the world. And you know… if you’re after my money, tell me. I’ll just give it to you.”

Her lips fall open, and she shakes her head as she pulls her hand back. “You really are crazy.”

“Maybe,” I whisper. “Or maybe I really am serious about you, and you’re worth more than money.”

She stares at me as though she’s trying to figure me out and shakes her head. “Definitely crazy.”

I watch her as she sits down at the table. “I’m not giving up,” I promise her. “Truthfully, only time can prove whether or not I’m lying to you, but that’s okay with me. I’d rather spend a year with you doubting my intentions toward you and having a chance to prove myself, than a year without you. Take all the time you need, Alanna. I know he hurt you, but I never will.”

She nods, her gaze solemn. She may not have said it explicitly, but she’s giving me a chance.