Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I tense when I hear Silas walk into the house and escape into my bedroom before he sees me. I don’t know how to face him after what he said to me in his office.

I fucked you because you asked me to, and because you always should’ve been mine. You made your choice when you came home with me, Alanna. There’s no going back now.

Silas is confusing me, and everything he’s making me feel is terrifying me. He and I… we can’t happen. I can’t be with my boss and my ex’s older brother. The world would mock us. They’d judge me so much harder than they’d ever judge him. I know all of that. I know it, and I still can’t seem to stay away.

I jump at the sound of knocking on my door and look up at my closed bedroom door, imagining Silas standing on the other end of it.

“Alanna?”

I bite down on my lip, wondering whether I’ll get away with pretending I’m not here at all. Seeing Ryan again filled me with a fresh sense of guilt, and I can’t escape it. I’d started to believe that Silas and I really could exist in our own little bubble, but seeing Ryan again forced me to face reality.

“Alanna,” he repeats. “I need you to accompany me to a business event tonight. Open the door. I know you’re in there.”

I inhale deeply as I walk toward the door cautiously, annoyed with myself for being unable to calm my nerves. I pull the door open and find Silas standing right in front of me, looking every bit as angry as he did earlier today. He holds up a bag for me and grits his teeth. Is he still mad because I gave Ryan a chance to be friends again?

“Change into this. You’ve got ten minutes to get ready.”

I take the bag from him and force a smile to my face, but Silas storms off before I can even thank him. I’m the one who should be angry after the conversation we had and the way he threatened me, so why is it that he’s angry?

A soft gasp escapes my lips when I pull out the nude colored floor-length designer dress with matching heels and a clutch, all in my size. I’ve never worn something so beautiful before, and I have no doubt I could never afford to replace this if I damaged it. Just the beading on this dress would’ve taken hours to do. Normally, I would’ve argued with Silas about wearing this, but not tonight. Though I shouldn’t indulge him, I find myself wanting to placate him. I want to tell him not to worry about Ryan, and that I haven’t even thought of Ryan since that night, but I can’t. I shouldn’t.

Silas is leaning against the wall opposite my bedroom when I walk out exactly ten minutes later, his eyes on his watch. He’s wearing a black tux that makes him look every inch the powerful CEO he is, and I hate the way my heart skips a beat.

Silas’s gaze moves to my feet, pausing at the slit in my dress before slowly moving up toward the sweetheart neckline of my dress. “Damn,” he whispers, his eyes finding mine. “You look gorgeous.”

I don’t think any man has ever looked at me the way Silas does. It’s as though I’m all he can see, as though he’s been waiting for me all his life.

“Let’s go,” I whisper.

He nods and offers me his arm, and I take it hesitantly. I can’t help but wonder what Silas truly thinks of me. He hired me when he could’ve easily rejected my application, and he offered me a place to stay when he should’ve fired me for being unprofessional when I showed up at the office with my belongings. He isn’t the tyrant everyone thinks he is. Everything he’s done so far showed me that he’s a good person, so it makes no sense that he doesn’t think I’m good enough for his brother. I’d think that it’s just because I slept with him that night, but he wanted me to break up with Ryan long before that.

“We’re attending a charity auction,” he tells me as we get in the car.

I frown and turn to face him. “I thought you said this was a business event?”

He nods. “It is. It’s hosted by one of our biggest clients, and I’ll have to go. Usually, Amy attends with me.”

“So why did you ask me?”

He glances at me, his gaze lingering for a moment before he turns back toward the road. “Her time is more valuable than yours. She has two kids who need her at home. You, on the other hand, have no plans other than sulking all night.”

Asshole. I cross my arms and look out the window, annoyed. He isn’t wrong, but it’s still a shitty thing to say.

“I’m expected to buy something tonight,” he murmurs, his tone relaxed. “I’ll leave that to you. You can buy one thing that you’d like to have. No budget.”

I smirk at him. “So if they auction a diamond necklace worth millions, I can buy it?”

“You can buy whatever you want. There really isn’t a budget, but you can only bid on one thing.”

I nod. “Must be nice, having so much money.”

He looks at me then, his expression complicated. “Yeah,” he whispers. “It is.”

I can’t help but chuckle as I shake my head. “At least you’re honest about it.”

Silas steps out of the car and walks around it to open the door for me before handing the keys to the valet.

My heart starts to race as we walk into a large ballroom filled with the city’s rich and famous. I unknowingly tighten my grip on Silas’s arm, and he places his hand over mine reassuringly.

“Silas!”

I tense when I see Raven walking toward us, looking beautiful in a tight red dress that matches the shade of her lipstick. I should let go of Silas and let him greet her, but I can’t.

“Raven,” he says, nodding politely.

Her eyes drop to my hand on his arm, and instead of pulling away the hand Silas covered mine with, he starts to draw circles on the back of my hand.

“We meet again,” she says, a sweet smile on her face. “You’re Silas’s assistant, right?”

I shake my head. “His mentee. I’m part of the Ψ division.”

She nods knowingly. “So you’re one of his most elite team members, huh? I’m surprised you made it to that division at your age. Well done.”

I force a smile to my face as I resist the urge to drag Silas away from her. Seeing her just reminds me of the history he has with her, the years they’ve spent together. I shouldn’t, but when I see her, I can’t help but compare myself to her, and it becomes painfully clear why Silas doesn’t think I’m good enough.

“Silas,” she says, drawing out his name. “I heard you’re taking part in the eligible bachelor auction? I’m definitely winning a date with you. I can’t wait.” She winks at him before walking away, her expression provocative. It’s clear she isn’t in the least intimidated by my presence, as though she knows other women come and go in his life, but she’s his constant. I looked her up after Josh mentioned her, and Silas always seems to end up back with her, no matter how long they break up for. His name is never mentioned in the articles, but I’ve seen photos of them together.

“What is she talking about?”

He lets go of me and turns to face me, a mere inch between our bodies. “I’m up for auction tonight,” he says, grinning. “Several other bachelors and I will be auctioning off dates. I was a little worried that I’d stand there without anyone wanting to bid on me, but I worried needlessly. Raven is here, after all.”

Thoughts of the two of them going on a date together plague me, and my mood plummets even further than it already had.

“I’d better get ready for the auction,” he tells me. “Don’t forget. You need to buy one thing tonight on behalf of Sinclair Security. I won’t be able to do it.”

I nod and watch him walk away, interrupted every few steps by women who seem far too eager to speak to him. The second he goes up on that stage, all hell is going to break loose. It’s obvious that most of the women that surround him have every intention of winning a date with him, and it doesn’t sit well with me.

I stand in the corner as several items go up for auction, including a gorgeous diamond necklace that I would’ve bought just out of sheer spite, yet I find myself holding back.

“At last, the highlight of our event.” I look up at the woman on stage, who seems to be a celebrity of some sort. “I hope you’ve got your chequebooks on you, because we’re about to auction off dates with the city’s most eligible bachelors.”

Five men walk onto the stage, but the only one I’ve got eyes for is Silas. He smiles at the crowd, yet somehow, his eyes find mine within seconds. I swallow hard as he holds me captive with his gaze, unable to look away.

With each man that gets auctioned off and exits the stage, I get more nervous. I noticed Raven standing at the front, clearly expecting to win, and I know I should let it be, but I can’t.

He said I could bid on one thing that I wanted tonight. What if it’s him? What if what I want… is him?

“I don’t need to introduce Silas Sinclair to you, do I?” the hostess says, and the women in the crowd go wild. “Let’s start the bidding at a thousand dollars. One thousand dollars, anyone?”

“Five thousand!” Raven shouts, holding up her number.

“Eight thousand,” another woman shouts instantly.

“Ten thousand,” yet another woman adds.

I look around the room, a sense of dread overcoming me as I take in the countless women that want nothing more than a date with Silas. The bidding quickly gets out of hand, the amount of money they’re willing to spend on a single date making me uncomfortable.

“Sixty thousand,” one woman says.

Many of them are celebrities, heiresses, and prominent business women. They’re all more qualified to be with him than I’ll ever be, but I don’t care. I raise my hand and gather my courage. “One hundred thousand,” I say, and heads turn as the room quietens. I feel countless gazes on me, everyone assessing who I am and what I’m worth.

“Going once,” the hostess says.

Silas smirks at me, his eyes betraying how pleased he is.

“Going twice.”

Raven twists her hands, and for a moment I fear she’ll outbid me.

“Sold to the lady in the back!”

My shoulder slump in relief, and Silas chuckles as he exits the stage. My cheeks are blazing and my heart is thumping so loudly that every other sound fades away. What have I done?

“Good girl,” Silas murmurs, his hand wrapping around my waist.

He pulls me flush against him, and I look up into his eyes, unsure what to say. The truth is that I didn’t want him to go on a date with any of these women.

“There’s no avoiding me now,” he tells me as he pulls me onto the dance floor. “I meant what I said earlier, Alanna. You made your choice when you came home with me. I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting you get back together with my brother. Not ever.”

I look into his eyes, startled by the passion blazing within them. “I know,” I whisper. “I won’t.”

He nods, looking pleased as he twirls me around, the two of us swaying together, our bodies far closer than appropriate. “Tell me, baby. Why did you bid on me?” he whispers eventually.

“You told me to bid on something on your behalf. I figured I might as well do you a favor. Those ladies seemed really viscous.”

He pulls me closer, the two of us falling into a steady rhythm. “I told you to bid on something you want, my love.” His hand roams over my back, his touch possessive.

“I don’t want you.”

He smiles. “You will by the time the date you just bought wraps up.”