Big girls don't cry

Aleida’s POV

I run in the woods, looking over my shoulder all the time. Someone is behind me and will hurt me when they get hold of me. I can’t stop. “Run, run, my little one!” chants inside my head. I have no idea who is telling me this; the only thing I know is that I can’t stop under any circumstances. My legs ache, and my body yells at me to stop, but I can’t.

“Find the little whore! She must die just like the others. I want to see her bleed to death in front of my feet!”

I’m terrified. Someone wants to kill me, and I have no idea who! There’s no one I can beg or ask for help with because I know no one will. In the end, I only have myself and no one else. Then, something swings past me and lands in the tree I just run past. Just a few seconds go by before an unbearable pain spreads in my leg; I scream—my scream echoes over the forest. I try to get up, but someone quickly kicks me back on the ground; I turn on the ground, ending up on my back. That’s when I see it. My mates stand over me with unpleasant smiles that show no mercy whatsoever.

“Why, what do you know, this fake little pussy has found her way eventually,” Miliano says with a mocking tone.

Kian punches me in the face, and I can feel the taste of blood in my mouth. Why are they hurting me? I thought they love me...

“Did you really think you could escape, you slut!? You’ll never get rid of us.”

I can only watch them shift, and before I can react, they have me between their fangs in their mouths.

“Aleida! Wake up!”

I jump in bed and wave my arms to keep away the danger. My mates are with me, and I don’t hesitate for a second to slap them and crawl into the bathroom. With a bang, the door slams closed, and I lock it in no time.

“What the hell Aleida? Why did you do that!?” Kian exclaims.

“Just leave me alone!” I scream, terrified of what they’re going to do; I tremble with fear; my mates, those who promised to protect me, are now those who will kill me.

“Aleida, please, I don’t know what just happened, but we can’t help you if you lock yourself up. I’ve just replaced this door; I don’t have much desire to have to do it again just because you don’t want to unlock it,” Kian says, frustrated.

“I can’t...” I answer in a small voice.

“Why can’t you, baby girl?” Miliano asks with a velvety soft voice.

“Because I don’t know what you’ll do when you get hold of me...” I answer, and they’re silent for almost a whole minute before Kian talks again.

“Why do you think we’d hurt you, lepa? We love you and would do anything for you; you know that. So who or what made you start believing something else?”

They’re right. It was a fucking dream! Why should I believe more in a dream that doesn’t mean anything instead of my mates? It doesn’t connect. My mates will never hurt me; I know that. I gently unlock the door and slowly back away. Both Miliano and Kian come into the bathroom, but instead of looking angry like I think they will, they look somewhat concerned.

“Lepa, what happened?” Kian asks.

He steps towards me, and unintentionally, I slide down along the wall to the floor. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of them; I have no reason! Although I’m very well aware of it, there’s something in the backside of my mind that tells me something completely different.

“Why are you suddenly afraid of us? Have we done something wrong or hurt you?” Miliano asks with a panicky voice, and I quickly shake my head, ‘no.’

“You have not done anything; it’s just...”

“It’s just what?”

“It’s stupid...”

“Nothing that suddenly causes you to be afraid of us is stupid. What happened?” Kian asks.

“Do we have to have this conversation in the bathroom?” I counter, to which they both suddenly look uncomfortable.

“Oh, um, no, we don’t. Do what you’re going to do, and we’ll meet you down in the kitchen,” Kian says, embarrassed, and scratches his head.

They leave the bathroom, and I lock it, even though I know none of them will dare come in here again. I do what I’m going to do and walk down to the kitchen, still in my pajamas. Both of them sit at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in hand and a third one prepared opposite them for me. With reluctant steps, I walk and sit down on the chair; I can feel myself sinking under their eyes. My heart hammers in my chest; I sigh loudly and look at my troubled mates.

“Aleida, please talk to us. As I said, we can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong,” Kian says.

I do. They ask and explain to the smallest detail about my nightmare, about how it affects me. The feeling that this is a future scenario scares me right into my core. Miliano gets up from his chair and walks up gently to me. I get up, and he sits down in my seat. He put me in his lap with my head leaning against his muscular chest.

“We will never in neither this nor the next world hurt you. I understand that the dream frightens you and that it feels authentic. But it’s not real. It’s all in your head, a manifestation of your greatest fear. Believe me, I’ve had a lot of such dreams too. Not about this or even the like, but other moments in my life. It’s okay to be afraid, sensitive, vulnerable, and sad; it doesn’t make you a weak person or less worth in our eyes; it’s your human side. We have that side, too; the wolf part is the strongest, obviously. But without the human part, the second part can’t survive. You can compare it with Yin and Yang. There can’t be good in you if it isn’t also evil. Evil and goodness ultimately balance each other out. Then which side you choose to use is entirely up to you. But don’t let your fear define who you are,” Kian says and looks me in the eyes all the time.

Tears fall down my cheeks, and my anxiety subsides. I put my head in my hands and sob uncontrollably. Miliano pulls me close to him and holds me tight as if I’m going to disappear into thin air if he doesn’t. Kian leans over the table and gently removes my hands from my face to wipe my many tears.

“Damn, you’re beautiful even when you cry, lepa,” he says, which makes me laugh a little; Kian smiles and kisses my hand.

“I don’t understand how you can keep doing this,” I say.

“What do you mean?” Miliano asks.

“Well, to begin with, I’m a big pain in your ass,” I say, to which they laugh. “But seriously. How can you keep taking care of me when I am who I am? I’m a broken person who will never be able to become whole again-I’m weak. Not favorable, but mentally. I break over and over again. Every time you stand there, ready to pick up my broken pieces. Am I even worth all the great things you give me?”

“You’re worth everything and much more for us, baby girl. We’ve been looking for you for so many years. You’re not a weak little girl for us; you’re a strong woman who has gone through tragic things and, despite that, can still show concern towards others. Not once has your luggage prevented you from caring and loving. It’s admirable, and you do so much for others without even knowing it. I don’t remember you asking even once for anything in return for your generosity. Just look at Michael. You’re willing to risk your own safety to make sure he’s safe. You’re amazing, love,” Miliano says, and his words make my heart pound hard in my chest.

“Thank you for putting up with me.”

“No, thank you for always loving us unconditionally,” Kian says and kisses my forehead.

We’re sitting and talking when Michael enters the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. With a yawn, he looks wondering at us. His eyes land on me and my red-edged eyes, which makes him rush to me.

“Alpha, what happened? Are you hurt?” he asks, panicky; I smile softly at him and caress his cheek.

“Nothing has happened, except that my brain decided to fuck with me. Everything’s fine. What do you want for breakfast?” I ask.

“First of all, I need you to tell me about what happened, and secondly, can I please have pancakes?”

The last part makes me chuckle at him. First, his whole face shines up like Christmas lights when he talks about pancakes. Then, when I nod my head ‘yes’ to his request, he makes a victory fist in the air of joy.

“You are adorable, Mickey,” I say and pick out the ingredients.

“You still have to tell me, though,” Michael points out.

“Nah, the boys can fill you in.”

I focus on the pancakes but hear minor parts about when my mates explain my dream to Michael; I ignore their conversation the best I can but catch myself burning myself on the frying pan over and over again- embracing the pain like a long lost friend, and love every minute of it in secret. It’s evident that even though my mates are “curing” my suicidal thoughts temporarily, the self-harm remains, though not as persistent as before. Hurting myself favorable makes my mental anxiety disappear, even if it’s only temporary. I load three plates full of pancakes that I serve my boys. They’ll need all the energy they can get if they’re going to be able to carry moving boxes today. The day we move into the packhouse is here; I’m really excited since I look forward to it! Finally, I can be close to my pack members and tie a strong bond with them all. Me, Killian, and Henry are the packing team; our job is to pack everything down and put the boxes down at the front door. Kian, Miliano, my brothers, and Michael will be the carrying team. I already have a plan for which room to begin with. We can’t just pack everything down, some things need to stay here, and we need to throw some other stuff away. So Jason and Nathan will come here to help sort out what to save and not. We’re going to continue owning the property until we decide what to do with it. Our pack doesn’t lack funds, but given how the property values are in the country at the moment, it isn’t the time to sell. So, with headphones in my ears and loud music on, I pick up a box that I take with me into the living room. Carefully I pack down photos and other fragile things. Involuntarily my hips move with the music, and I also sing along. A table lamp is at the moment my microphone when I sing with everything I have to “Dance monkey.”I’m pretty sure that I’m yelling right now but don’t care at all; I’m so into my flow that I don’t notice when someone pulls off my headphones. Instead, I look up at my mates, their betas, my brothers, and Michael.

“You sing beautifully, little sister,” Nathan says and kisses my forehead, making my mates growl loudly.

“Don’t start; you should know better,” I warn them.

“Sorry...” they reply in unison; my mates haven’t gotten used to the fact that I have so many men in my life yet; I know it’s hard for them to ignore their wolf instincts.

“When did all of you come here?” I ask the newcomers.

“About ten minutes ago, we all watched you in your zone. You’ve got moves, sunshine,” Henry says and wink at me, making me roll my eyes and plug in my phone to the stereo.

“It is what it is” begins playing. It’s one of my favorite songs. I relate to the text and can feel calm when I think that others think just like me.

“Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Let’s go!” I command.

“Yes, ma’am,” all of them answer in unison.

My mates kiss me on my cheeks before disappearing into their bedrooms; everyone else disperses. Kian and Miliano come down with all the clothes we own.

“Why did you drag it down here?” I ask.

“Easier to sort out what to keep and not,” Kian answers.

“You can decide for yourself what... Kian! Let go of my thong!” I scold him; he’s wearing my shock pink panties over his face, and I feel terribly ashamed while he laughs at me.

“Hey! I don’t want to know what sort of panties my little sister wears; quit it,” Nathan says.

Kian shrugs his shoulders and puts them down. Miliano comes running down with the dirty laundry and is about to throw it into a box.

“No dirty laundry in the boxes!” I shout; my mates look inquiring at me as if they’re wondering where to put it otherwise.

My brothers and the betas are trying but failing in not laughing at the scene developing in front of them, and all I want to do is smack them for even daring to laugh at my annoyance.

“The washing machine!” I exclaim, shocked at how stupid my mates are all of a sudden; thankfully, they walk off with the dirty laundry to the laundry room.

“Dear moon goddess, you paired me with two neanderthals,” I mumble to myself.

“We heard that!” my mates shout in unison.

“Good, you were supposed to! And the rest of you, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!”

This will be a looooong day...