SWNOVELS Before the Storm: Chapter 49
I can’t sit still. Every time I sit down, I think about the life that fate has dealt me, and the freedom I lost the day my family almost sold me like cattle at the meat market. It’s funny, at the time, I thought being saved by Storm was the best thing to ever happen to me. Even when he hurt me, it was still better than being sold to a stranger for a life of misery. And yet somehow, that’s where I’ve ended up anyway. It doesn’t matter that my heart beats in my chest for Storm, or that each day I fall a little more in love with him, losing my freedom, my identity, is slowly driving me mad.
I pace the length of the bedroom for what feels like the eightieth time since I dragged my sorry ass off the bed. When I first came in here, I couldn’t stop crying, and burying my head into the pillows seemed like the only option, but now I need a plan. Once I managed to get out of bed, I decided to do some schoolwork. I’m so far ahead it’s unbelievable, but there’s one assignment that will be overdue soon if I can’t actually go to school. A group project that I haven’t had any input in because I’m not allowed out of these four walls. The group has been understanding to a point, but so far I haven’t contributed a thing, and if I can’t go in tomorrow to help them, we’re all at risk of failing. So I’ve decided I’m going to school tomorrow regardless of what Storm has to say. He can’t keep me here against my will, not unless he’s willing to admit he’s just as bad as whoever would have bought me if my family’s plans had gone off without a hitch.
The bedroom door swings open and Storm steps through it looking a little more disheveled than he did when I saw him in the dining room. His hair is ruffled, his eyes glassy, and the way he looks at me holds so much of the sadness I feel deep inside.
“We need to talk,” I force myself to say. The words come out calm and even despite how hard my heart beats in my chest.
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he nods and crosses to the sitting area in the corner and takes a seat, gesturing to his knee for me to take a seat.
“I’m good where I am.”
A deep growl forces its way up his chest as his hands clench into fists. Something’s wrong. He’s more on edge than usual, and even if he thinks he knows what this conversation is going to comprise of, he wouldn’t look like he’s one breath away from destroying this whole fucking room.
“I need to go to school tomorrow.”
“Absolutely not,” Storm snaps.
“It wasn’t a question.” I cross my arms across my chest. He may not have noticed it yet, but I’m breaking his rules. Not only am I wearing my own clothes after not having changed after dinner, but I’m wearing both pants and panties. My tight yoga pants and oversized sweater are part of my defiance. He needs to know he can’t steamroll me on every decision, and tonight is just the first step. “I need to go for an assignment. I’ll fail this subject if I don’t.”
“I don’t care.”
I close my eyes and let out a deep calming breath as tears spring to my eyes again. I refuse to cry again tonight. I can’t be the weak little girl I’ve always been when I’m dealing with Storm because he’ll eat her alive. I have to be the woman I’ve always wanted to be but never had the drive. “It’s important to me that I get my degree.”
“You don’t need it. I have more than enough money to take care of both of us for the rest of our lives without ever having to work another day.”
“That may have impressed all the women that came before me, Storm, but I don’t give a fuck about money. I care about my own happiness. I want to be fulfilled in my life, and that doesn’t include being stuck within these gates for the rest of my goddamn life,” I’m shouting now, the need to make him understand overwhelming me.
“There were not women before you, Ayvah.” He shoves himself from his seat and prowls toward me. For such a big man, he moves with grace, and I find myself mesmerized by each step he takes. He stops just a few feet away from where I’m standing, anger and fear swirling in his thunderous eyes. “Before you, there was a long line of warm holes I used when it was convenient. Don’t you fucking get it? Don’t you understand why I can’t let you leave this house? I’m so fucking scared something is going to happen to you, and I have no idea how I would live with myself if it did.”
He reaches for me, but I take a step back out of his grasp. The look of hurt that crosses his handsome features makes my chest crack, but I can’t allow myself to go to him. Not when he’s taking away everything that makes me, me.
“Being stuck in this estate isn’t a life, Storm. I may as well have been sold if that’s what you think a life is. I still would have been trapped, I still would have had my choices and future taken away from me.” I regret the words as soon as they slip from between my lips, even if they are true.
“Are you comparing me to a man who would have bought you?” The words are barely audible past the growl that erupts from his chest. The sound is so far from human it makes me take another step back.
I open my mouth to reply but I find myself pressed against the wall behind me, his hard body pinning me in place so I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to. And as much as I should want to do exactly that, I don’t. His body brings me peace, and perhaps that’s part of the problem.
“Is that what you’re saying, Ayvah? Do you think I’m a monster for wanting to keep you safe? So be it. I’d rather you be safe and hate me, than be in danger and love me.” The word love sounds so foreign on his lips, like a man like him shouldn’t be speaking about such an emotion, but it makes my heart clench painfully in my chest. I didn’t think he was capable of the emotion, but the idea that maybe his feelings match my own, that perhaps I’m more to him than just a convenience, it has hope blossoming where it has no right to bloom.
I close my eyes to escape his brutal stare. He’s overwhelming at the best of times, but right now he’s downright intimidating. “That’s not what I meant,” I murmur. “I just mean that being stuck here is like being in prison. Having my choices stolen from me, the future I saw for myself, it’s all gone and I don’t know how to accept that.” I suck in a breath at my honest words, but I’m not done yet. There’s so much more I want to say. “I’m lonely, Storm. Is this how you expect me to live? Locked behind these gates, only permitted to leave when you can go with me? Is that what you consider a good life? You’ve dictated everything from the moment we met. You demanded I come home with you. You told me I couldn’t leave. You dragged me back when I tried to run. You decided I could only study if I could do it online. When do I get to make a decision, Storm? When do I get to choose to be here?”
The look that crosses Storm’s face can only be described as a man in agony. He steps back immediately leaving me cold and craving him. Maybe I went too far. But I can’t bring myself to regret the words, not when they’re so fucking true it’s like a weight has been lifted from my chest.
But the ball is in his court now, I just hope he makes the right play.