Before I Rise

Em’s POV

The stench of body odor hit my nose as soon as I walked into the pack gym. It was quiet, no one else was here except for the person standing smack dab in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. She had her signature glare on her flawless face with her black hair pulled into the tightest ponytail I have ever seen. Her brows knitted in confusion when she realized I showed up here all alone.

“Where the hell is Julie?” She asked me as her glare deepened.

I shrugged my shoulders in her direction as I walked past her and got on the treadmill. She always had us start and end on that stupid death trap. I nearly broke my ankle on it the other day while using it. Though it was slightly my fault as I wasn’t necessarily paying attention to the speed of it. It’s not my fault I can’t walk and talk at the same time.

“I see you’re still not talking to me. Are you ever going to tell me what it is that I did to receive the silent treatment?” She asked, walking right up in front of me. Before I could even think about responding to her snarky question, she pushed the stop button almost making me lose my balance and fall on my ass.

“What the hell Alexis!” I glared at her, getting ready to chew her head off.

She crossed her arms, not removing her glare as she did so. “Answer me, where is Julie? I thought Marcus wanted the two of you to stay together, no matter what.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “He does, however Jules is sick and currently resting. I’ll make sure to let her know that you were oh so concerned for her well being.” I sarcastically said to her.

Her eyes turned black and her nostrils flared. “Get. Off. The. Treadmill.” She demanded as I felt a rush of power around us. I realized very quickly that she was trying to use an Alpha command on me.

I straightened my spine and didn’t move an inch. “No.” There was no way I was going to let her win this. I can be just as stubborn as she can.

“GET. OFF. NOW.” Her voice was deep and demanding. Her face twisted in anger and a growl rang through the room. Power was coming off of her in waves, hitting me harder than before. However, I once again did not move.

“Alexis, you may be an Alpha, but you are not my Alpha. This is my pack, I am the Luna here. You don’t have any power over me. You need to stop before you give yourself a stroke.” I said calmly, hoping she would take a breath and chill out.

It took a few minutes but once she realized I wasn’t going to budge, she finally cooled down. She looked at me warily, almost scared and unsure for a few seconds.

“Are you done?” I asked her. She shook her head at me, not saying a word. “Good. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to running. Since that is the only thing you make me do. Tell me Alexis, are you ever actually going to teach me self defense? Everything we have been doing, I could have done on my own. Do I need to find someone else to teach me?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “I’ve already told you this, you have to start with the basics and build up your stamina. Without stamina, nothing else matters. If you didn’t complain so much, we could have been a lot further in that portion of your training. Not my fault you and Jules want to sit around and complain about every little thing.”

“Incase you haven’t noticed, the rogues could show up here at any given time. I need to know how to protect myself! I asked you to help me for a reason. Now I’m starting to think it was wrong to do so.” I retorted back at her. She was already on my shit list for the things she has done and said to Alicia, but now this was slightly more personal.

“You’re not ready!”

“The hell I’m not!” We stood there in silence glaring at each other, both too stubborn to back down.

She finally looked away and drew in a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Alright, I’ll make a deal with you. We’ll go on the mat, just you and I. We’ll do ten rounds one on one. If you can at least pin me on my back for five seconds, I’ll start teaching you self defense moves. If you can’t, then we keep doing what we’re doing and you don’t complain or second guess me anymore.” She stuck out her hand for me to shake.

“Five rounds.” I countered, hoping she would agree. I wasn’t sure I would actually last ten rounds fighting against her.

She shook her head. “Ten rounds. Take it or leave it.”

I glared at her outreached hand before finally taking it. “Deal.”

She immediately turned around and walked to the mat that was in the middle of the room. I got off the treadmill and followed her. Self doubt was beginning to creep up on me. I was hoping I was successful in doing this, especially since I obviously won the stand off between us. I felt like I proved myself to her by doing so. Now I just needed to continue it.

She walked towards one side of the mat, while I positioned myself on the other.

“As soon as I pin you on the back, I’ll count to five. After that, we get up and come back to our original spots for a new round. Remember, you only have to pin me once and then it’s over.” I nodded my head at her and rolled my shoulders before getting into a stance I’ve seen Marcus get into while he was practicing.

We stood there for a few minutes, waiting to see who would make the first move. It very quickly became apparent she was waiting for me to make it. She was just standing there, not positioned in any way. I suddenly became self conscious. I had no idea how to start this off.

Finally I squeezed my eyes shut and ran straight in her direction crying a warrior’s cry as I did. Within seconds I was pinned on my back with her directly above me. I didn’t even feel her grab me. She was fast, faster than I was expecting her to be. Her eyes held humor as she looked down at me.

“Did you really think you could attack me with your eyes closed? You do realize you actually need to see your opponent if you want to do any damage.” She explained, as she tried not to laugh. She immediately got off and helped me stand on my feet. She lightly chuckled as she went back to her spot.

I didn’t say anything while walking back to mine. She was right, I had no real reason why I did that. I felt like an idiot, but I was not about to give up. I still had nine more rounds to get her on her back. I rolled my shoulders again and got back into the position I started in. Like before, Alexis didn’t make any movements as she stood there. I guess I was going to be the one to start the round every time.

I charged at her, this time I made sure my eyes remained open. Right when I got in front of her and reached out towards her, she grabbed my arm and flung me to the side. The air was knocked out of my lungs as I landed on my back. She didn’t hesitate as she climbed on top of me and held me there.

“Again.” She said as she got off of me. I shook the dizziness away and got up to go back to my original spot. This was a hell of a lot harder than I was expecting.

By the seventh round, I was ready to call it quits. The only reason I hadn’t was because of my stubborn streak. I was not about to let her know she was right, I was definitely not ready for this.

She got off of me and I laid there, trying to catch my breath. I felt like my body was made of jello, I wasn’t sure I could even stand at this point. Each time I came at her, she would fling my body to the side and climb on top of me. It didn’t matter if I tried different tactics on her, they all ended the same way. I was beginning to think I was a lost cause.

“Are you giving up Luna?” She asked me, in a taunting way.

I glared up at her. “No.” I stood up and tried not to grimace as I did. “Let’s go again. We still have three more rounds.”

She let out a sigh and blocked me from going to the other side of the mat. “You need to find something that drives you. Whether it’s anger, love, or frustration. Just find an emotion, focus, and let it drive you. You just are throwing yourself at me blindly, hoping it will work. News flash, it’s not.”

“Let me guess, you focus on anger.” I said with a cocky tone. I wouldn’t be surprised if this Alpha was angry twenty four seven.

She nodded her head, “Yes I do. It has always worked for me. I focus on a person that I’m angry at or who has wronged me in some way. Tell me Luna, who are you angry at?” She lifted up an eyebrow, almost as if she already knew the answer to her question.

“Oh I have a list, but I’m not going to share it with you.” I started to walk away but was stopped by her stepping in front of me again.

“I have a feeling that I happen to be on that list.” She placed an arrogant smug look on her face, making me finally snap.

“You know what Alexis, you are on my list. Would you like to know why?” I didn’t give her a chance to answer before I continued. “You have treated my BEST friend like dirt under your shoe. You have ripped her apart verbally and have acted like you just don’t give a shit. She has been holed up in her room, unable to do anything because she is trying to mend the heart you ripped apart. You’re damn right that you are on my list. I mean honestly Alexis, what were you thinking? You just roll in here and bulldoze your way into Alicia’s life, not caring about the mess you made. Why don’t you just reject her and let her move on?” I screamed at her, unable to hold it in any longer.

I have been wanting so badly to confront her since the minute Alicia told me what happened. However, I felt like maybe it would be better if Marcus talked to her instead of me. That there could be a way he could get through to her. I didn’t know Alexis that well except from what other people told me about her, and the little moments we spent together. I was hoping to talk to Marcus about it tonight, but I guess that won’t be happening.

She didn’t say a word, just simply shrugged her shoulders and went back to her spot on the mat. I instantly saw red. It was obvious she didn’t care at all about Alicia. She didn’t even have the audacity to try and defend herself.

I didn’t even hesitate this time, I just ran full speed towards her. Instead of trying to tackle her to the ground by her shoulder or abdomen, I dove for her legs and crashed into them. She stumbled back and fell on her ass. I was just beginning to feel proud of myself, when she managed to get her legs away from me and pushed me to my back. She was just beginning to feel victorious as she leaned her head closer to me, however I decided to do something neither of us was expecting. I headbutted her.

I heard the crack right before I felt warmness on my forehead. Once I leaned my head back, I saw the blood gushing out of her nose and the shocked expression on her face. She stayed on top of me, too stunned to move. Using that to my advantage, I somehow pushed her off of me and climbed on top of her. I immediately pinned her arms down and leaned down close to her.

“IN YOUR FACE!” I screamed victoriously at her.

I got off of her and laid down next to her, basking in the high of beating her and the pure exhaustion from losing so many times. I was a little bit surprised that I was actually able to do it. She was right though, anger was a good emotion to focus on.

We laid there in complete silence as we both tried to catch our breath. I was tempted to ask about her nose, but I knew without a doubt it would heal just fine in the next few minutes. I also didn’t want her to think I was sorry for doing it, because I had no remorse at all. It felt good, maybe even a little bit powerful.

“I do care about her.” Alexis whispered, so quietly that I had thought I heard her wrong. She finally sat up and let out a sad sigh. “I don’t want to reject her Em, but I also can’t accept her.”

I sat up next to her, contemplating my next words. “Will you at least tell me why?” I asked her, hoping she would finally open up to me. Hell, I was shocked she even said what she said.

Alexis was like a brick wall all the time. She never talked about herself and her feelings. She ran her hand down her face before finally opening up to me.

“I have lost everything that has mattered most to me in this world. I have lost my parents, friends, and most importantly my pack.” She grew quiet as she thought over her next words. “Losing my parents and friends is one thing, but losing my pack is another. They trusted their lives in my hands, trusted that I would always keep them safe. And what do I do? I made a decision that cost them their lives. Everyone is dead because of me. If I couldn’t even keep my pack safe, how can I keep my mate safe?”

I gave a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder as a tear fell from her eyes. “Listen Alexis, you’re right, you made a bad call. You should have never sent the warriors Marcus sent to you back. You made a mistake, a huge mistake. But Alexis everyone eventually does, even Marcus. Mistakes happen, it’s what comes after that matters most. It’s awful about what happened and it will take a long time to heal from it. But, are you going to let it bury you alive or are you going to learn from it and do better next time?”

“I get what you’re saying, I do. But, that still doesn’t make me want to go and accept my mate. There are so many what if’s running through my head all the time about her. What if she gets hurt? What if I somehow hurt her? What if I make a decision that affects her in a negative way?”

I couldn’t contain my laughter as it bubbled to the surface, causing Alexis to look at me with disbelief.

“You think this is funny?” She asked me, making me laugh harder.

I shook my head, “No! It’s just, Marcus and I had a very similar conversation at the start of our relationship. It’s just funny for me to hear you say the exact same things. Makes me think you Alphas actually do think the exact same way. Do you know what I told him when he did?” I asked her, trying to get her to see that I actually did take it seriously.

“What?”

“I told him that we can’t live in fear of what tomorrow may or may not bring. The only thing we can control is what we do right now. You don’t know what the future holds Alexis. You could go to bed tonight and not wake up in the morning. Or I could, or Marcus, or Alicia. You just don’t know. The Moon Goddess paired you and Alicia together for a reason, Alexis. Are you really going to potentially miss out on something great because you were too scared to take a chance?” I asked her.

She was quiet for a while as she thought over everything I had said. Finally, after what felt like an eternity she spoke.

“You’re right, but I just need time to think through things and decide what to do.”

I nodded my head. “I understand, I would too if I were you. However, maybe you should sit Alicia down and tell her where your head and heart are at about all this. I think she deserves it and it would help her.”

“I know I need to talk to her, I owe her that.” She finally stood up and helped me to my feet again. “Thank you for listening to me. Marcus is right, you do give really good advice.” She leaned in and gave me an awkward one arm hug. I chuckled slightly before hugging her back.

“You’re welcome Alexis. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, even if Alicia is my best friend. I want to be able to help both of you.”

She let go of me and took a step back. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She gave me, what I think was a smile but it turned out more into a grimace.

“So… Anything you want to say before we go our separate ways?” I asked her, hoping she would finally say what I’ve been dying to hear.

She contorted her face in confusion. “What do you mean?” She asked me.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I pinned you for five seconds. I also headbutted you, remember?”

Her eyes lit up in recognition. “Oh yes, you did. Well Luna, it looks like you are ready for some real training. We’ll meet here tomorrow again and I’ll show you some defensive moves.”

“YES!” I jumped up and pulled her in for another hug, a real hug this time. She hugged me back with some reluctance on her part, but I honestly didn’t care. I was finally going to learn how to successfully defend myself.

“Alright alright, don’t get too excited. You better make sure Marcus is here tomorrow to carry you home cause you are for sure going to feel like you can’t move. Just because you are the Luna, doesn’t mean I’m going to take it easy on you.”

I nodded my head in acknowledgement. I was totally fine with that, as long as I learned what I needed to learn. Before I could respond, the gym door swung wide open.

Alexis immediately stepped in front of me as a pack member came running in. He stopped a few feet away from us and leaned his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“What do you want?” Alexis growled out, gaining the man’s attention.

“Sorry for interrupting, but Alpha Marcus has requested that both of you meet him in the training building.” He said as he finally got his breath back.

“Why?” I asked him, unsure why Marcus would need both Alexis and I to meet him there of all places.

He took another deep breath, eyes round with excitement over the next words out of his mouth.

“Because Luna, the trap worked. We captured a rogue.”