Before I Rise

Marcus’s POV

My head was beginning to throb as I looked down at the plans for the trap Jacoby had come up with. It was a good idea, I just wasn’t so sure it would work. Hell, I’m not sure anything would work. We were taking a big risk attempting to capture a live rogue. I really wished Elder Morgan could just use blood from a dead rogue, it would be so much easier.

A soft knock on my office door pulled me away from the drawing. The person on the other side didn’t wait to see if I would give them permission to answer or not as they took the liberty to walk in without being invited. However, I wasn’t annoyed at all. In fact, I felt my heart soar out of my chest as my golden haired mate walked in carrying a tray full of food.

My stomach grumbled loudly into the office room. I was not sure if it was over the sight of food or the sight of her.

Oh lets not lie to ourselves, it’s definitely because of her. Who needs to eat when we can just eat…

I immediately cut Xavier off before he could finish his sentence. Can you not right now? He always picks the most inconvenient time to be so crude. I didn’t have time to do anything like that, I had to look over these plans before tomorrow. I felt like ever since the rogues showed up, there’s been a clock counting down to our demise.

She still looks so tense. Perhaps we can help with that?

I scoffed at Xavier. I have a sneaky suspicion that your definition of help is more physical, while mine is more emotional.

I had absolutely no idea how much of a perv my wolf really was until I met Em. I swear if he had his way, he would have her walking around here without any clothes on.

You’re damn right I would!

I outwardly groaned in annoyance, there was no winning with him. He was just as stubborn as I was.

Em cleared her throat before I could respond to him. “Is this a bad time?”

I shook my head at her. “No, not at all. Your timing is always perfect.” I said with a gentle smile to show her I meant it.

She smiled back at me, yet it didn’t quite reach her eyes. The small amount of worry I had for her, grew ten fold. Something was off with her, I just wasn’t sure what it was. Ever since last night when she talked to the Moon Goddess, she has been different in a way.

We both immediately left Elder Morgan’s home after Em told her about the potion, and returned to our floor where we both shared our incredible encounters. She explained to me everything the Moon Goddess said about the rogue situation and her mark. However, for some reason I felt she was holding something back from me.

“I noticed you weren’t at dinner and I assume you never ate lunch after the meeting about capturing the rogue.” She walked over to the coffee table before I could reply and sat the tray of food down on it. “Take a break and eat some food, you need it.”

It was moments like this that reminded me how much my life has changed since I met Em. Before her, I would go all day without eating due to how busy I was and no one would even notice. It was such a small thing but meant the absolute world to me. She constantly reminds me to stop and enjoy the little things.

I walked over to the couches and sat right next to her. I started digging into the steak and was about to take a bite of it, but something stopped me. Em was sitting there, quietly staring at nothing. She looked tired and worn out, almost like the whole weight of the world was resting on her shoulders.

I cleared my throat to gain her attention. It worked.

“Are you alright?” I asked her.

She blinked a few times, almost as if she was returning to reality from wherever her mind had previously been.

“Yes.” She didn’t elaborate anymore. However, I could tell she was blatantly lying to me.

I turned my body towards her. “I’m going to ask you again, and this time please tell me the truth. Are you okay?”

She looked down towards her lap, not saying a word to me. I brushed her hair away from her face and saw a tear fall. My heart squeezed in my chest at the sight of her crying. My whole body went on alert mode, trying to figure out what could be upsetting her.

“Em, please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t talk to me.” I tried coaxing her, hoping she would open up about what was troubling her gentle mind.

She sucked in a shaky breath and brushed the tears away. She didn’t face me as she spoke.

“It’s… It’s stupid.” She whispered to me.

“No, it’s not. If it is upsetting you, then it is not stupid. Whatever it is, I want to know Love.”

She was quiet for a few seconds before finally admitting what was troubling her.

“You know how I asked the Moon Goddess about the mark and the rogue situation?” She asked me. I nodded my head and waited for her to continue. “Well, that’s not the only thing we talked about. I asked her about my memories and what happened to them. She said… she said that she took them from me, that it was the only way you and I would have met. She said she had no other choice.”

I immediately saw red. Did the Moon Goddess have no moral code? Who just strips memories from someone? Most importantly, why Em?

“What the hell is wrong with her? Why would she even need to take your memories to begin with?” I roared out, as anger rushed through my veins. I was half tempted to see if Elder Morgan had any more of the special tea left so I could express my anger to the Moon Goddess face to face.

Em wiped the new wave of tears away. “I don’t know. All she said was that it was the only way we would end up together. That time was running out and she didn’t have a choice.”

It hit me like a freight train. Did she do this because of me? Perhaps if I would have been more willing to have a mate, Em and I would have met in a more natural way. Panic began to set in. Did Em blame me? If she did, I wouldn’t blame her.

“I’m sorry if I caused this. If I could go back in time and change things I would. I didn’t think my actions from before we met would have affected you.”

Em whipped her head around to face me with a disbelief look attached to her face.

“Marcus, I’m not upset that she took them away. It wasn’t even remotely your fault. At the end of the day, it brought me to you.” She brushed her hand against my cheek, trying to reassure me. It worked slightly as my self hatred melted away, but it was quickly replaced with confusion.

“Then what are you upset about?” I asked her, not knowing what could make her more upset than that.

She took a breath in before finally coming clean with what was really bothering her.

“I asked the Moon Goddess if she would ever give me my memories back, she said they would return in time. I got angry with her and told her I wanted them back now. That I was worried about any potential family or friends that might be out there looking for me. When I said that she informed me that… that the gut feeling I have had this entire time was right…” She stopped suddenly as she let out a heartbreaking sobb. “She told…. She told me that there was no one looking for me. That I was all alone before meeting you and the pack. I don’t have anyone!”

I wrapped my arms around her shaking form, trying to hold her together. I let her cry for a few minutes before pulling back so I could wipe the tears that had fallen on her flawless face.

“I’m so scared Marcus. I’ve just been so incredibly sad and scared since she told me.” She confessed to me so quietly, that I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly.

“Scared of what Love? If you’re scared of the rogue situation, I promise you that I will protect you and will keep you safe. No harm will come to you, that I am certain.”

“I don’t care about my life, whether I live or I die.” She confessed to me, throwing me completely for a loop.

“Then what…”

“I’m scared of losing you! I’m scared you’re going to leave me!” She exclaimed, cutting me off from asking her what she meant. “The minute I woke up in that clearing, I felt like at any second I would just float away. But the minute I saw you here for the first time, I felt immediately grounded. Like you are the only thing that is anchoring me to this world. Without you, I would get swept up by the wind and float aimlessly alone for all of eternity. If you leave me, I wouldn’t know how to move forward.”

I once again gathered her sobbing form into my arms. I pushed back some of her hair so I could whisper into her ear.

“Listen to me, Love. I promise with every fiber of my being, that I will not leave you. Not even death could take me from you. If the Moon Goddess tries, then she’s going to have one pissed off Alpha on her hands. I’m not leaving you, I will never leave you. My heart beats only for you and as long as you are alive, it will continue to beat.”

Whatever I said seemed to work as she finally took a deep breath in and wrapped her arms around me. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other as uncertainty loomed over us.

She pulled back and took a deep breath while wiping the stray tears away.

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” She said as she looked away in shame.

I cupped her face into my hands to bring her attention back to me. “You have no reason to apologize to me. I always want to hear what is bothering you. No matter how small or how big it seems to you. You can always tell me anything.”

“I love you.” She said, with a kiss on my wrist.

“I love you.” I whispered against her forehead as I returned the kiss she gave.

I then turned my attention back to the tray of food and picked up the fork that held a bite size piece of steak.

“Now, I have a gut feeling that you haven’t had much to eat today either. How about we share this?” I asked her, as I lifted the fork to her lips She nodded her head before taking the fork into her mouth, closing her eyes as she chewed on it.

We kept going back and forth until the food was gone and we snuggled up against each other, both lost in our own worlds.

“What do you think they meant by ‘great destiny or great destruction’” She asked me, eyes filled with curiosity as she broke the silence that surrounded us.

I thought for a few seconds before shaking my head.

“I have no idea. But I have a gut feeling we are on the verge of finding out.”