Awake At Dawn (Wildflower Series Book 2)

HOLDING BACK FROM unloading on my sisters and Juniper was the hardest thing I’d done in a long time. It wasn’t just the whole pregnancy thing anymore. Or the quitting my job thing or having to move out of my apartment.

No, I needed someone to scream to about how Noah London just held me in his arms like that. How he kept dropping massive hints about being stuck in the same current of attraction that I was and how he was struggling just as much to break free of it. I needed someone to scream to about how I would get on a flight in a few days to stay at his mom’s house.

What the hell was wrong with me? I hated flying.

But my big mouth just had to open right up and volunteer to take Chloe. The picture Natalie had described tore at my heart, and I couldn’t help it. Especially not when I’d been dreading Noah leaving for another trip.

“Earth to Gemma!”

Janie laughed as she shoulder-bumped me. Tonight was her night off from studying for the LSAT, and she was taking full advantage of it, throwing back drink after drink. Gianna and I kept pushing food in front of her, wanting to ensure she had something to soak up all that alcohol.

“I’m sorry,” I groaned, feeling like I was making a lot of apologies lately. “Practice tonight wiped me out.”

Plus, a very handsome spectator kept worming his way into my thoughts.

“I didn’t want you to get mad at me for saying it, but yeah, you look kinda tired,” Janie said, which I might be annoyed about if I didn’t know it came from a good place. “Is that why you’re not drinking tonight? Is everything going okay at the rink?”

“Everything’s going great at the rink,” I said honestly. “But yeah, trying to keep up with all the little ones has been exhausting.”

Hopefully, they wouldn’t notice that I glossed over the drinking question.

“Do you have any shows or competitions I can come to?” Janie asked, pausing before she took a drink of her vodka soda. “I want to come see all the cute little skaters!”

I smiled. “We have a program in a few weeks. It’s mostly just for parents to see the kiddos’ progress, but you’re welcome to come watch.”

“Yes!” Janie exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

I loved my younger sister’s enthusiasm, but I had no idea how she would fit my program into her schedule, considering her studying habits. Not to mention, she’d played Division I soccer as an undergrad and stayed on as an assistant coach after graduating last year.

Gianna grinned. “That would be so fun to go to.”

But again, I wasn’t sure when she’d find the time. Her second year as an English teacher had been off to a stressful start. She’d followed in my mom’s footsteps, which worried me sometimes. Teaching had left my mom at her wit’s end so many times over the years, but Gianna loved it so far.

So I just smiled back, watching as Gianna reached across the table and pushed the basket of fries toward Janie, moving her drink further away as she did. Her eyes slid to mine, more sober and scrutinizing. I felt Juniper watching me, too, and I knew I had to do a better job of acting…normal.

Except my life was nothing like it used to be. How I acted now was my new normal; they just weren’t used to seeing it.

For a second, I wondered if I should tell them. It felt wrong to spill the news without Josie and Genevieve, my other two sisters, but the urge to get the secret off my chest was so unbelievably strong. A second later, though, Gianna started chatting with Juniper about bachelorette party plans, and I swallowed my confessions.

Another time. When I was more prepared. When I had a plan that extended beyond the next two months.

It was better this way.

Everyone was in such a good mood tonight, and I’d hate to be the one to ruin it. This was Janie’s night to let loose and our season of celebrating Juni and Jules. It was a terrible time to reveal that I, their big sister they’d always looked up to, had fucked up and gotten pregnant. That I was broke and surviving on charity from our brother’s friend and would probably have to work three jobs to afford childcare at some point. That I had no idea where I would be living in a couple of months. What a great example I was for them.

God, I wished I could have a real drink.

But I couldn’t, so I forced myself to tune in to their conversation without liquid courage, and surprisingly, the next few hours flew by. We never did end up leaving the Bellflower. We had a perfect table in the corner where no one was bothering us, and why ruin a good thing?

“Do you want to stay with us tonight?” Juniper leaned in to ask.

I frowned, momentarily forgetting that she still thought I lived in the suburbs. But Juni mistook my frown for something else.

“I promise we won’t be couple-y,” she rushed to add. “I’ll make Julian behave.”

A laugh burst through my lips because we both knew that would never happen. Julian would be all over her the moment she stepped back into their apartment.

“It’s okay, Junes. I’m good to drive home.”

Or get a ride from my hot NFL roommate.

“You could stay at our hotel, too,” Gianna offered, which caused Juniper to roll her eyes a little because she had also tried to get my sisters to stay with her. Like me, they didn’t want to watch our brother salivate over his fiancée for longer than necessary. We were all hoping that maybe in a year or two, they’d stop acting so grossly in love all the time.

“Maybe next time,” I said, sliding off my seat to hug each of them. I’d texted Noah a bit ago, and he’d be around the corner any minute. “My own bed is calling me tonight.”

My own bed in Noah London’s apartment.

I bit down on that little secret while I said goodbye to my sisters and Juniper, and guilt roiled in my stomach. I would tell them everything. Just not tonight.

Noah was exactly where he said he would be when I walked outside, and I quickly slid into his car.

“Are you okay?” Noah asked as soon as I’d buckled my seat belt.

Was I that easy to read, or was he just that good at it? Either way, it was a little unnerving.

I glanced over at him. He wore a Knights hoodie and sweats, making me feel even guiltier because he’d probably been in bed when I texted him.

“All the secrets are just weighing on me,” I confessed. “But I’m fine.”

Noah nodded silently. He didn’t move to put the car in drive. Instead, he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel briefly before speaking.

“It’s not too late to go and talk to them. I don’t mind waiting.”

He made it sound so easy.

“I should, but…” I sighed.

Noah waited for me to finish my sentence, but when I didn’t, he asked softly, “What are you worried about?”

“I guess that I’m just…” I leaned my head back, squeezing my eyes shut. “I feel like a failure, Noah. Julian and I are the oldest siblings. We’ve always…I don’t know, taken care of the others. And look at Julian. Successful lawyer, engaged to someone my whole family loves, always taking care of everyone. And me? I feel like I can barely take care of myself lately. Meanwhile, the rest of my siblings are…” I broke off with a groan because I didn’t want it to sound like I wasn’t happy for my brother and sisters, who were all doing so well.

When the car grew quiet and Noah didn’t respond immediately, I opened my eyes.

He was watching me thoughtfully.

“I know how it feels to compare yourself to your siblings,” he finally said. “But you impress me every day. And I don’t think Julian would ever think you’re a failure, Gemma. I’m sure your sisters wouldn’t, either, but I don’t know them as well.”

I met his gaze across the darkened car, feeling my heart rate spike. There was just something about the way he was looking at me. There always was, but right now…something heavy, something intense, something I never imagined seeing in Noah London’s eyes lingered there.

He was so much more than anyone ever gave him credit for.

“Not tonight,” I eventually whispered. “I don’t want to tell them tonight.”

I would tell them, but not tonight.

“Not tonight,” he allowed and put the car into drive. “Let’s get you home.”

Home. What a weird thing—that my home was now with this man I hardly knew a month ago. And soon, I wouldn’t just be staying in his apartment, but I’d be staying in his hometown.

“What should I pack for Minnesota?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.

Noah thought about it while we waited at a stoplight. He looked over at me, his eyes dragging up and down my body in a way that had me crossing my legs as soon as he moved his gaze back to the road. A dull ache had sprouted between them, all thanks to Noah’s molten-hot attention.

“Not that dress,” he finally said, a bit of gravel in his voice.

My jaw dropped. That had been the last thing I’d expected him to say. “You told me earlier I looked great. You don’t like this dress?”

The light turned green, and Noah stepped on the gas with more force than necessary. We zipped down the road, but I didn’t feel the fear I’d expected. Only an exhilaration of sorts that made my pulse race and my body ache.

And Noah’s response only added to it.

“I like that dress way too fucking much to survive you wearing it around my family.”

My heart thumped wildly against my chest as I smiled shamelessly to myself, looking out the window so Noah couldn’t see my reaction. The lights of the city at night whizzed by, and I rolled down the window to let the early fall wind whip through my hair. Traffic zipped by around us. The roar of a motorcycle revving up was louder than the car engines. I closed my eyes, taking it all in.

“You would look so goddamn good on my bike,” Noah said. The pitch of his voice was lower, sinfully smooth, and I couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like to be straddling Noah’s motorcycle with my arms wrapped around his waist.

I’d seen that motorcycle so many times. Julian had worked on restoring it for over a year, and it sat in my parent’s garage in Whitebridge the entire time. Motorcycles had never appealed to me. They terrified me, actually. But that was before Noah told me I’d look good on one.

I turned my smile toward him. “Take me?”

First airplanes, now motorcycles. What was this guy doing to me?

“No way in hell.” He shook his head. “There’s a reason I haven’t already put you on my bike.”

His eyes flicked over and down at my stomach, and disappointment washed over me. I would have to wait at least six more months before Noah even considered taking me for a ride. And by then, I’d have moved out of his apartment, and he’d likely have forgotten about me.

That thought made me realize how badly I needed to take advantage of the here and now. Before we got to that point where none of this existed anymore. And while I didn’t know exactly what that looked like yet, I was sure of one thing.

I was absolutely going to pack this dress.

Noah’s flight to Minnesota left before ours did, but he insisted on making sure we got to the airport before he left town.

He also insisted on researching whether or not it was okay to fly at three months pregnant and then questioned whether or not he should bump us up to first class. Somehow, I managed to convince him that wasn’t necessary and also that it was safe to get on the plane according to Dr. Amos. Even though I felt anxious about it for my own reasons.

The result of Noah’s worrying meant Chloe and I were at the airport four hours before we needed to be. And while I never had any problems with Chloe in all the afternoons and evenings we’d hung out together, four hours was a long time to entertain an eight-year-old in an airport. Luckily, Chloe was pretty well distracted by beating me in card games.

Honestly, the challenge of keeping Chloe occupied helped me forget all my other worries. Most immediately: getting on a flying metal tube.

It wasn’t until we were boarding the plane that I remembered how much I hated being trapped while up in the sky. But I took a deep breath and reminded myself I’d gotten through a handful of flights before, and I’d do it again. It was too late to back out. At this point, everyone was counting on me to get Chloe to Minnesota.

Truthfully, while I didn’t regret volunteering to bring her, I hadn’t realized how much of a commotion it would cause.

According to Noah, his mom nearly cried when he’d told her that Natalie couldn’t come because of work, and then she nearly cried again out of gratitude when he told her I’d still bring Chloe. Meanwhile, Natalie had to sign a child travel consent form for me to be able to fly with her daughter. And not only that, but she’d had to get her ex to sign it, too.

That was how I knew this must be important to her—to all of them. All I knew about Nat’s ex was that she absolutely despised him. I was sure she only talked to him when she felt she had to. I mean, Silas wasn’t even my ex, and I sure as hell wouldn’t talk to him unless I felt it was absolutely necessary.

Along with the consent form, Natalie also sent me a whole bunch of other emergency information that I felt confident I wouldn’t need but was thankful to have, just in case.

I blew out a shaky breath as Chloe and I settled into our seats.

“Are you excited to see your grandparents?” I asked her, hoping that talking would hold my other worries at bay.

Chloe nodded excitedly. “And I’m going to beat Uncle Sully in Candyland.”

“That’s what your mom said,” I laughed.

Chloe’s bright eyes momentarily dimmed at the mention of Nat.

“We’ll send her pictures, ’kay?”

She looked up at me with a toothless grin, having lost one of her front teeth this week. “Deal.”

Chloe looked out the window as the plane began to roll on the tarmac, and I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the worst part. My fingers clutched the armrests as I waited for the plane to pick up speed. And when it did, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I kept them closed until I felt a small hand on my leg and realized Chloe was trying to comfort me.

I looked over to find her worried expression trained on me like a little mirror of Noah’s.

I flashed her a wobbly smile, which she returned.

“I think that was the worst part,” she said, leaning over to whisper as soon as we reached cruising altitude.

I nodded, breathing out in relief. “I think you’re right.”

And she was, in a way.

The ascent would be the worst part of the plane ride, sure.

But I had a feeling that the rest of this trip would be far from easy.