Awake At Dawn (Wildflower Series Book 2)

“FRIEND, REALLY?”

Shit.

I’d meant the question to be teasing and light, a break in the car’s silence as Gemma and I drove home. But it came out with an edge.

Gemma swiveled in her seat. The heat of her gaze bored into the side of my head. But she didn’t say anything, and not knowing what was going on in her brain, especially when I couldn’t fully see her with my eyes on the road, drove me wild.

“Not even roommate or pretend boyfriend?” I added, trying to sound lighthearted. “You’re just going to give me the boring label of friend?”

Gemma cleared her throat. “It was the least complicated option.”

“She knew, Em.”

She knew that Gemma and I shouldn’t ever be described as friends. It didn’t fit us. Not because we were more than friends, though. We were just something other than friends. It wasn’t a word that worked for us, and maybe it was my fault, my face that had given it away, but Dr. Amos saw it. She saw how much I hated when the word “friend” slipped through Gemma’s lips, and she’d honed in on it.

“She knew what?” Gemma questioned. “We’re friends, Noah.”

My grip twisted around my steering wheel as I drove into the parking garage at our building.

Even as she said the words, they didn’t sound right. Because Gemma couldn’t say them any more convincingly now than she could in the exam room.

Friends.

God, I wanted to show her how thoroughly wrong she was to use that word about us. But it wasn’t like I knew the right word to use. I didn’t expect to ever use those other words—boyfriend or dad. But I knew friend wasn’t it. Even if that was all I ever would be to her.

It was all I could be.

But it still hurt to hear her say it.

“What?” Gemma repeated because I still hadn’t managed to explain myself.

Mostly because I didn’t think it needed explaining.

But fine. She wanted an explanation? Sure, I’d give her one. Even if I shouldn’t because it wouldn’t make a difference. Fuck, I was sick of holding my tongue around her, though.

“I wasn’t thinking of you like a friend when I came home in the middle of the night to hear you fucking moaning.”

Gemma sucked in audibly before recovering. “I’m sure you would react the same to hearing any girl like that.”

No way.

Because it wasn’t just the sounds that made me hard.

It was how they conjured up an image of the woman making them. It was how they formed this picture in my head of Gemma with her lips parted and head tipped back, moaning as she took me like a good fucking girl.

But if Gemma wanted to pretend that wasn’t true, I’d let her. It was better if I didn’t convince her. Because honestly, what good would it do? It certainly wouldn’t do me any favors, not when I’d been trying to resist her.

“Yeah,” I said, putting the car into my park. “You’re probably right.”

I was just about to turn the car off when the display lit up, showing an incoming call from Nat. And I knew that wasn’t a good sign. I loved my sister, but she usually only called when she needed something.

I left the car running, answering the call with the touchscreen display.

“Hey, Nat,” I said, raising my voice slightly to be heard through the car.

“Noah,” she whined.

Yep, my suspicions were definitely correct.

“What’s wrong, Natalie?”

“Don’t Natalie me,” she groaned. “It’s not my fault. You know it’s not.”

I sighed and softened my tone. “I know it’s not. What’s up?”

“I got scheduled for surgery next week. On September twenty-fifth. Thursday. And I just don’t think I can get out of it.”

Realization washed over me, and then my stomach soured. “You can’t come to Minnesota for the game.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and I knew she meant it. I knew she regretted the sacrifices she had to make for her job. “Chloe’s going to be so disappointed, too. She’s been talking about it constantly. It’s been so long since she’s been to one of your games, and she keeps stealing my phone to text Sully about how she’s going to finally beat him at Candyland when we’re at Mom’s.”

The feeling in my stomach worsened to include a crack in my chest.

My brothers never got to see Chloe. My parents never did, either. When Natalie had still been married to that asshat husband of hers, he’d always come up with excuses to keep my family from coming to visit them. But it was just a narcissistic tactic to separate Nat from everyone who could have pointed out what she was missing about her husband. Meanwhile, Natalie hardly made it back home to visit. Part of that was work. Part of that had been the asshat husband, too.

I sighed. “If I could bring Lo on the team plane, you know I would.”

Gemma squirmed in her seat, drawing my attention. It would make sense if this was a little awkward for her, and I expected to find her wearing an uncomfortable expression, but she was pointing a finger at her chest, eyes wide.

I’ll take Chloe, she mouthed, leaving me momentarily stunned.

But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The more it sounded perfect.

Chloe would still see my family, and I wouldn’t have to leave Gemma behind for once.

“Hey, what if Gemma took Chloe to Minnesota?” I asked Natalie before I could really stop and think about what I was doing. “It would just be the two nights, right?”

“Oh, I couldn’t ask that of her,” Natalie rushed to reply. But I didn’t miss the slight hopefulness in her voice. “She’s already helped us—me—out so much. I couldn’t ask her to do that, too. That’s…that’s a lot.”

“I’d be happy to do it,” Gemma jumped in cheerily, talking loud enough for Natalie to hear that this time.

“Oh!” Natalie stumbled slightly over her surprise as she realized Gemma had been listening. “Oh, Gemma. That’s so nice of you to offer. But I don’t know. Are you—are you sure you’d want to do that? Noah, what about Winnie?”

Shit. Right. Winnie. The entire reason I’d asked Gemma to move in with me.

That question stumped Gemma momentarily, her lips thinning as she thought. And then she perked up. “You know your neighbor Matt?”

I nodded, not sure where she was going with this. I knew Matt, but I didn’t realize she knew Matt.

Why the fuck did she know Matt?

“He’s stopped me a few times while I’m out with Winnie,” she explained. “And he’s mentioned that he’d be happy to watch her if I ever needed help or anything.”

“He did, huh?” I raised a brow. I was sure Matt wanted to help Gemma with something, but it had nothing to do with my dog. But Gemma nodded enthusiastically as if she’d solved the problem. “I don’t want to let some asshole neighbor watch my dog. Couldn’t we just ask Julian? He offered.”

“He’s not an asshole,” Gemma quickly argued. Too quick. “Involving Julian sounds…complicated.”

What she meant was, involving Julian might mean he’d find out the truth. And considering how much Julian would hate the truth, it could ruin everything.

I bit my tongue, knowing I shouldn’t argue this. Not if it meant Gemma might get to come to my game in Minneapolis.

“We’ll make it work,” I said, switching my focus to Natalie. “Why don’t you think about it, and we can touch base tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” The relief in Nat’s voice was palpable. She might not like being away from her daughter, but she hated disappointing her more. And she wouldn’t only be disappointing Lo. She’d be disappointing my parents. Not to mention Sully, Theo, and Blake. “That sounds good. Talk then.”

As soon as Natalie ended the call, I turned back to Gemma.

“You don’t need to do this, you know.”

“It would be fun going to your game instead of watching it on TV.” She shrugged, but I didn’t miss the slight tension in her smile. “And I figured with you being out of town and Natalie in surgery, Chloe would probably be hanging out with me anyway. But…” Her face screwed up as she thought hard about something, her mouth catching on air before she decided to continue. “I’ll need to look into costs. I should have thought about that first.”

“Costs?”

“You know…hotel, airfare.”

I lifted a brow. “You won’t have to pay for either. You think you’re going to fly all the way to Minnesota with Chloe and I’ll make you stay in a hotel? No way, Em.” I chuckled, enjoying the way her expression widened, larger than life. “You’ll stay with me.”

“And where are you staying?”

“At my mom’s house. At least the night before the game, anyway.” When she looked surprised, I explained, “When I first joined the NFL, they had strict rules about everyone staying in the same hotels when we traveled. But I soon realized those rules are only strict for rookies. Anyway, my mom whined about it when I’d visit and have to stay downtown the whole time with the team. I tried to explain to her it was, you know, my job, but somehow, she always decided to overlook that part.”

“Are you sure your mom will be okay with that?” Gemma asked after a moment of stunned silence. “With me staying with you, too?”

Oh, my mom was going to eat it up, getting to cater to a new person. As if her five children weren’t enough, she always adored fawning over my brothers’ girlfriends over the years.

Not that Gemma was my girlfriend.

I’d need to make sure Mom knew that.

“She’ll love it,” I assured Gemma before opening the car door.

And as I got out of my Audi, I had a much bigger spring in my step than when I woke this morning.

A few days later, Gemma was back to ignoring me at the rink, striding off the ice with a quickness that gave her away. She paused only for a few seconds to put on her skate guards and then took off.

“Em!” I called after her, checking that Chloe was pulling off her skates before turning to follow Gemma down the small hallway leading away from the ice. “That kid almost knocked you right over. How often does shit like that happen?”

Gemma didn’t stop walking until we were in an office area, where she opened a locker on the back wall.

“Well, beginner skaters are…beginners, so it does happen from time to time,” she said dryly.

“Can’t you teach a non-beginner class, then?” I argued.

She might be playing this off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I’d seen the way she almost lost her balance when that little blonde girl with pigtails barreled across the ice, and Gemma barely skated out of the way in time.

What if next time she didn’t catch it in time? How long would it take for her balance to be affected by her pregnancy? When would she know? What if she figured it out too late?

“I’m perfectly safe on the ice. We’ve talked about this,” she said with mock sternness, like she was a teacher scolding me for having to go over a rule I’d already learned. “And I’m in a hurry. Janie and Gianna are in town because they went shopping for bridesmaids’ dresses, and we’re all going out tonight with Juniper. Of course, it’s on the one night of the week that I have evening classes, but whatever. It is what it is, but I have to get going.”

Gemma’s words all tumbled out of her with a rush of air, and it took me a second to remember that Janie and Gianna were two of Gemma’s sisters. And then I frowned, stepping back to watch as she sat in an office chair and began removing her skates.

“Where are you guys going?” I asked.

Gemma looked up at me while still bent over her feet. If she wasn’t wearing a tight spandex jacket that zipped all the way up to her chin, I would have had a clear shot of her cleavage.

I couldn’t decide if I was disappointed or thankful.

“We’re starting at the Bellflower Bar, but then I think we’re going to hit up some other bars.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, picturing the scene. And I had to admit, I didn’t really like it.

“Is Julian coming?”

She shook her head. “We convinced him that it was a girls’ night.”

I’d be surprised if Julian was truly convinced. His overprotective ass probably planned to secretly trail them all night in case they needed something. He would pull some shit like that.

Gemma finished kicking off her skates and stood.

“I need to change,” she said, looking at me expectantly. And when I couldn’t get myself to walk away from her just yet, she added, “Considering how you freaked out when you saw the outline of my boobs the other day, you might want to close your eyes or something.”

I scowled, and Gemma grinned.

She fucking liked getting a rise out of me way too much. Not many people were good at it, and it seemed like she knew that. She knew she could get under my skin, and she liked that knowledge way too much.

“I did not freak out,” I grumbled before facing the office door. It was for the best this way. I could stand watch. The last thing I wanted was someone walking in on her unexpectedly while she was changing.

“You smacked me with a towel,” she argued back.

My only answer was a grunt as I listened to the rustle of clothes as Gemma presumably undressed.

God, this was fucking torture. I fought the urge to think about the things I shouldn’t be. Like the outline of Gemma’s tits beneath that white, soaking wet pajama top. About how good they would look without any top. About how if I turned around now, I’d probably get to see for myself.

But I couldn’t do that, so I took to words instead of actions. Because I needed to do something.

“I don’t know if you realize this…” I muttered, just loud enough for her to hear me. “But you have really fucking nice tits, Em.”

Her breath hitched audibly, and my lips curved in satisfaction.

“You know, they’re only going to get bigger,” she said before something landed on my shoulder. I grabbed it, only to realize it was Gemma’s sports bra. Meaning, right now, she probably wasn’t wearing any bra. Or a top.

I groaned. “You’re gonna be the goddamn death of me, I swear.”

She laughed, but it was strained with tension, and she tried to cover it with a cough that morphed into a groan of frustration.

“What?”

A pause before she finally seemed to cave on some internal dilemma. “Can you help me zip my dress?”

Fuck, did she not just hear what I said?

Death of me. She was going to be the death of me.

I turned around to find Gemma’s bare back to me, the graceful curve of it on display. My steps seemed to echo in the office as I walked toward her, closing the distance between us. The dress zipper was stuck halfway up her back, and I tugged it up the rest of the way slowly, savoring her proximity.

And also subjecting myself to the torture of it.

“Thank you,” Gemma whispered, and I knew that was my cue to step away.

But just as before, I couldn’t get my legs to work.

Gemma turned, looking up at me. And God, I wish she hadn’t.

I didn’t have a lick of fashion sense, but the dress Gemma had on must have been designed simply to destroy me.

The bottom flared from her waist, flowing over her stomach to effectively cover the tiniest bump she’d started to show. I’d noticed it earlier when she was on the ice and immediately wanted to pull her off it. I wanted to wrap my arms around that little bump and protect it from the world, and holy hell, that feeling had terrified me.

The bump and the skirt covering it wasn’t what was destroying me now, though. No, what got me was how the flowery, blue fabric of her dress loosely ruched around her tits, accentuating their natural shape while drawing them together with a string in the middle, tied in a little bow.

She looked like the perfect summer package that I desperately wanted to unwrap.

Gemma noticed my stare and looked down at her dress with a frown. “Does it look okay? You can’t see my bump, can you?”

“No,” I said hoarsely. “You can’t see the bump. Looks great, Em.”

Fucking inadequate words. I hated biting my tongue around her all the time.

“Thanks.” She flashed a smile before spinning to grab something. I wasn’t sure what because I didn’t let her get more than one step away before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back toward me again. She stumbled, her back colliding into my chest.

“Be safe tonight. ’Kay?” I murmured. She nodded, her hair tickling my chin. Satisfied, I loosened my hold on her. “Do you need a ride there?”

“I’m going to walk.”

I grunted, annoyed. “No, you’re not.”

“It’s fine, Noah,” she said over her shoulder. “It’s not that far.”

Fuck that.

My hold on her tightened again. “I’ll drop you off. And then you can text me when you need a ride home,” I amended. “I can be discreet so your sisters and Juni don’t see me.”

She sighed but didn’t argue, which I figured was a good sign. I let her go, watching as she cleaned up the rest of her stuff and grabbed her purse. A minute later, we walked back to find Chloe waiting for us.

I hoped she hadn’t been waiting too long. And I hoped she didn’t notice how I kept drifting closer and closer to her coach as we walked, wanting Gemma within arm’s reach for some inexplicable reason.

But I didn’t have it in me to care what Lo was thinking right now. All I could think about was how fucking glad I was that Gemma planned to come with me to the game next week. Because dropping her off at the bar and watching her disappear from sight while wearing that dress?

Yeah, I wasn’t a big fan of that.

Leaving her to go on the road had been my least favorite part about this season so far.

Now, I couldn’t wait to bring her with me.