A Thousand Heartbeats

It was too dark to go far, but I couldn’t stay inside those castle walls. Not right now. Over the hush of waves rolling in, I could hear the few musicians among us doing their best to play an old Dahrainian folk song. My mother had hummed it over my head when she put me to bed as a child. If there were lyrics, they were long lost. But shouldn’t I rejoice in this, the stubborn march forward with the little history we knew? All I could think was that we were being deceived, and this plan of Kawan’s was going to do more to hurt us than help.

And my mother . . .

I stayed by the arena, where the light of the torches near the doorways and from the windows still gave me room to see where I was standing. And I looked in at the sodden ground, wishing I had someone to spar with, anything to give release to the feeling in my chest.

“It’s too late,” someone said, a teasing tone in his voice. I turned to see Inigo walking my way with a handful of people behind him.

“You’re reading my mind,” I told him, looking to see just who he was with. Blythe was there, of course, but also Andre, Sherwin, Griffin, and Rami. “What’s going on?”

Inigo shrugged. “I saw you leave, and Blythe said it looked like you came outside. If you weren’t watching the prisoners, I figured there had to be a good reason.”

I rolled my eyes. “You might not have noticed, but they aren’t exactly prisoners anymore. They’re esteemed guests, marching us into trouble.”

“You sure about that?” Griffin asked.

I looked to Blythe, who sighed. “If what they’re saying is true, there’s a chance Dahrain would be without its royals. We could march in and take the castle. We could reclaim our kingdom without much of a fight, if any at all. But, instead of invading an unarmed throne—which would be both remarkable for us and humiliating for them—Kawan wants to use this meeting as an opportunity to kill their king. It might be straightforward. . . . It might not.”

“You’ve got a bad feeling about it, don’t you?” Inigo asked me.

“Yes. Based on what, I cannot say, but I don’t think, after everything that’s happened, they truly want to meet with us without some sort of repercussions.” I stared at the ground, feeling a little embarrassed to be acting on a feeling. Feelings got you nowhere but into trouble.

“Then what’s the plan?” Inigo asked.

My head perked up.

“You have to have something in mind,” Sherwin said. “Do you need all of us, or just a few?”

“Even as a distraction?” Rami offered. “I didn’t get my shot last time.” She winked at Blythe, who giggled.

I blinked a few times, taking them in. “You . . . you want to know my plan?”

“Of course,” Blythe replied quickly. “You do have one, right?”

I swallowed. I did. I almost always did.

“I think we should go and take the castle. When we march out, it wouldn’t be too hard to get ‘lost’ in those woods. With all of us out there, a handful won’t be missed,” I said, feeling sure. “If I’m wrong and Kawan is able to kill their king, then we have a two-fold win: he’s dead, and we have their kingdom in our hands in one fell swoop.”

Inigo’s eyes were on me. “And are we mentioning this to Kawan?”

I glanced around, noticing the winces on a few faces.

“I don’t think so. He’d stop us if he knew, but he can’t if he doesn’t.”

“Good,” Inigo said. “We’ll have to move fast. . . . We’ll presumably be on foot.”

“And we’ll probably need to carry more supplies, for good measure,” Andre added.

I nodded, not having thought that far ahead. The conversation broke down into speculation. How quickly we could move, how accurate the numbers that their princess had given us truly were. With very little to go on, they were completely on board.

I took a moment, allowing my eyes to rest on each of their faces as they spoke. Why should this action, this willingness to follow, surprise me? When I’d offered them an easier Commission than the one I intended, they’d rejected it. When I’d abandoned our plan to take Annika, they’d followed my orders. When even that plan fell apart completely, they stood beside me in front of Kawan.

I had friends.

Blythe turned her head, flashing me a bright smile of the sort she seemed to reserve just for me. I wished then that I could do what Inigo had said and embrace something. It would almost be an act of rebellion now, wouldn’t it? Kawan made me feel like death was waiting around every corner, like caring about anything was a liability. Thriving would be a sweet kind of revenge.

And still, I couldn’t will myself to do it.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t rebel.

“Anyone here interested in learning to read?” I asked.

Griffin’s arm shot up first. I noted the straw bracelet hanging proudly from his wrist.

“You know how?” Rami asked, her tone tinged with joy.

I nodded. “My father taught me. I can teach you all if you want.”

“Step aside. Right-Hand Man coming through,” Inigo said, putting an arm out and coming to stand beside me.

I couldn’t help the chuckle. I took one of the blunt arrows that had been left in a pile beside the arena and wrote out the letters of his name in the dirt.

I-N-I-G-O.

He tipped his head to the side. “It looks . . . strong.”

“It’s a sturdy name,” I observed. “A dependable name for a dependable person.”

I didn’t look up, but I heard Inigo clear his throat hard.

“Don’t! I already warned you once.”

He walked away, chuckling.

“My turn!” Blythe insisted, coming over quickly.

I wrote the letters of her name out slowly, knowing Blythe would want the opportunity to take them in.

“I like that one in the middle,” she said, pointing.

“That’s a y,” I told her.

“It’s all so pretty.”

“Your name is pretty. My handwriting is not.”

“But it is. Wait, write your name, too. I want to see it,” she insisted, shoving my arm.

I laughed. “Hold on, hold on.”

I started scrawling out the word just beneath hers. She smiled at it.

“I always thought your name sounded serious. It looks serious, too. What letter is that at the end?”

“It’s called an x.”

“I like that one the best,” she commented in a whisper.

Her shoulder was brushing up against mine. And there it was again, the wish that I could simply embrace her. She turned her head, and I realized our faces were very close. I felt some long-dormant instinct wake up in me. I could kiss her if I wanted. I could lower my lips a few inches, and I felt sure she would welcome it. It would be so easy that refraining from it almost felt wrong.

But I held back all the same.

I cleared my throat, looking around at the small group we’d formed. Taking in their smiles, their easy conversation, their determination for more, another emotion I hadn’t been all that familiar with floated to the surface: pride.

Their laughter lit the night.

“I’ve never been a part of anything like this,” Rami whispered.

I smirked. “Welcome to the rebellion.”