A Thousand Heartbeats

“He did what?” Rhett asked, aghast. “What happens now?”

I shrugged. “We go. It’s all in motion already. But what happens if they attempt to invade? I’m telling you, if Lennox thinks it’s possible to successfully launch an invasion, then that’s what he’ll do. He’ll forgo any sort of meeting and come straight for this palace.”

I sighed, rubbing my temples. I’d had a low-grade headache from the moment Father announced his plans.

Rhett reached out and held my hand. “What can we do? How can I help?”

I watched the way his eyes filled with concern. Instinct told me it wasn’t because of worry for himself.

He was worried about me.

“I have two requests. First, I need you to take the most important of our history books and pack them. If Lennox bypasses the meeting and comes here, you have to run and take the truth with you. This is our kingdom. And if we have to reclaim it at some point, you’ll have the evidence.”

He nodded. I could tell he already had a running list of the most essential books prepared. “That’s easy. What else?”

“I want to practice with my sword. If something goes wrong with this meeting and that envoy expects to find a damsel in distress, I want them to regret it. I can see it in your eyes that you care about me too much to let me be left defenseless. Can you help me?”

He stood there, smiling. “Annika, I don’t just care about you. I love you. I’ve never made a point of hiding it.”

I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. Was he always going to leave me feeling torn? If I didn’t have ties to Nickolas, if I wasn’t honor and duty bound to him, would I happily let Rhett chase after me? I couldn’t say. And, for my sake, it was probably better I didn’t devote too much thought to it.

“I know you do.”

“And I know you’re not at ease with it. So easy to read,” he said with a laugh. “But I’m happy to love you from afar. Here in this dusty old library. There are worse things.”

I stared into his eyes, admiring him at the very least. “Can I ask you something that might be crossing a line?”

“As far as I’m concerned, there are no lines between you and me. You can ask me anything you want, always.”

I felt my pulse grow erratic, a feeling similar to when I’d been marched into the main hall in Vosino Castle. I shook it away.

“How did you know? You say you love me. How did you know what love even looked like?”

He took a long, slow breath, coming closer. “You’ve read every fairy tale in this library, Annika. Don’t you know? Love doesn’t look like anything,” he told me in a whisper. “Love has a sound. It sounds like a thousand heartbeats happening at the same time. It sounds like the rush of a waterfall or the still of the world at daybreak. You can hear it at night, lulling you to sleep, and, in the middle of your darkest days, it breaks through like a laugh.

“The thing is, some of us have been taught to listen for it, so when it comes, it’s all too easy to hear over the noise. For others, there are too many other sounds drowning it out. For them, it takes longer. But when it finally breaks through, it’s a symphony.”

He tipped my chin, so my eyes met his. “Just listen, Annika. Listen. It will come.”

He gave me the lightest of kisses on my cheek, perhaps trying to make this sound burst into the moment.

It didn’t.

But I believed him.

“I think it will be easier to hear once we get past an impending war,” I teased to break off the tension of the moment.

He laughed. “You’re probably right. As such, yes. I will practice with you. If you bested this Lennox, then you should be able to hold your own against whoever else comes this way. But let’s not risk it.” He thought for a moment. “If there are preparations being made, people will be in and out of the stables; we’ll need to meet somewhere else.”

“What about my favorite spot in the gardens? With the stone? The greenery is high, so no one will see, and it’s far enough away that no one should be drawn to the sound.”

He considered this. “Yes. That should work.” He turned his head to take in the darkening sky. “After dinner?”

“I’ll be waiting.” As I left the library, something struck me: it was possible Nickolas had not been informed of my father’s plans. Despite all my misgivings about him, it seemed cruel to keep him in the dark on this matter. I headed for his room.

“Your Royal Highness,” Nickolas greeted me once I’d been announced, “to what do I owe the honor of your company?”

“Has Escalus come to see you?”

He shook his head.

“Then please let me in. There is something I think you should know.”

Where Rhett had responded to the news with outrage, Nickolas merely displayed a cool air of concern.

“I do not approve of you going along. It clouds my course of action.”

“In what way?” I asked.

He sighed. “As a subject, my instinct is to insist to His Majesty that I sail with you all. If things don’t go smoothly, I want to defend him. But as a fiancé . . .” He looked up at me. “Lennox got ahold of you once. And, seeing as the last time was completely my fault, I feel compelled to prevent any possibility of it now. I’d want to stay at your side.”

I watched as his eyes went back and forth across the floor, as if he were adding details to two separate columns in his head, trying to see if one outweighed the other.

“Can I make a vote?” I risked.

He looked up at me instantly. “Of course.”

“Protect Escalus. My father will have swarms of guards at his side, and you might have realized I’m pretty handy with a sword if pressed.”

I paused, not wanting to carry on.

I swallowed, admitting the hardest truth. “We all know where I rank here.” He stared at me. “It’s much more important that Escalus comes back safe and sound. If the kingdom loses me, everything can carry on, but if something happens to my brother? It will be disastrous.” I took a deep breath. “You will be put to much better use protecting Escalus. He’s far more valuable.”

He looked down and answered in a voice so low, I almost didn’t hear it. “Not to all of us.”

I realized that, for him, this admission was tantamount to carving our names in marble or writing an opera in my honor.

“Nickolas?”

He couldn’t quite meet my eyes yet. “I don’t have a talent for flowery words. If I did, I’d have employed it long before now. But, for some of us . . . for me . . . it will be far more shattering to lose you than anyone else.

“Annika, all my life I’ve been told that protocol and propriety are imperative to being a member of your family. My tutors and caregivers raised me to be a person that no one in the kingdom could doubt was worthy of you; they failed to raise me to be a person you would find worthy as well.

“Maybe it’s too late to get back on course. The woods . . . I don’t blame you for hating me. I thought our country was being attacked, and my instinct was to get the news to the palace. I should have gotten you to the palace. I feel so irrevocably stupid over it now. I’ll never be able to apologize for that moment enough.”

He rubbed his palms together nervously, and after years of thinking I knew who Nickolas was, I was stunned to learn that perhaps I knew nothing about him at all. I wondered if now, after this, I might hear something that sounded like love.

Not yet.

Still, this honesty was precious to me.

“It’s not too late, Nickolas.”

He looked up at me, his eyes showing he didn’t quite believe me. “I would so like to start again, Annika. Without expectation. To know you, and have you know me.”

I nodded. “I’d like that, too. But I can’t begin to think of it until this has passed. If you care for me as you say, please stay beside my father and brother when we go to the Island. Protect them as best you can. Be a rational voice in their ears.”

Nickolas nodded. “Your wish is my command.”