Your Fault (Culpable Book 2)

I couldn’t get those words Nicholas’s mother had uttered out of my head.

Her threat frightened me, but I didn’t want to keep going down a road that I wasn’t certain I could travel on my own. I felt guilty for tearing up the letter. I had no right to do it, it wasn’t mine, but I didn’t want that woman hurting Nick again. What had Nick said that morning when the painters were there? That he wanted to protect me? Well, that’s what I was doing for him, too.

Nicholas was my medicine, my distraction, my safe space. I turned around to face him, thankful the tub was big enough to do so, when he asked, “Where do you want to do it, in the bath or in bed?” He had a dark look in his eyes. I could tell he needed me, especially after delving into his past. I needed him, too, because if I kept hammering away at that issue, I’d uncover truths better left buried…at least for now.

I sat in his lap, and our mouths joined soothingly. We needed each other just then. The day had been intense for both of us, even if in completely different ways.

With his hands on my back, he bent over me and venerated my mouth. My hands climbed his shoulders and touched his rugged cheeks, damp from the water. His fragrance overwhelmed me and warmed me from inside.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said. His mouth left my lips and followed my jawline, nibbling until he reached my neck. My hands felt his chest, his abs, and he pulled me into his torso, skin to skin, without an inch between us. “You’re so warm, so soft,” he kept repeating as his tongue tasted my naked wet skin.

I let out a gasp as I felt his hands move up and down my back, and he tipped me backward, resting his mouth on my left breast, tasting me, while I hungered for his caresses. I sat up and pressed into his hips. He sought my mouth with his, and our tongues toyed with each other as if in a dance…

“Look at me,” he said, and when I opened my eyes, I saw his were fixed on my face. They were the same blue I was used to, but something was different, something hard to express in words. “I love you, and I’ll love you for the rest of my life,” he declared, and I felt my heart stop, then race again. He lifted me slowly with his arm around my waist and lowered me on top of him, with a gentleness almost as moving as his words. When he penetrated me, I opened my mouth to let out a cry, but his lips silenced me with a deep kiss.

“Can you feel it? Can you feel the connection? We’re made for each other, babe,” he whispered in my ear as he moved gently, in a slow rhythm that drove me crazy. His words continued in my head as he pleasured me the way only he knew how. And only he ever would.

I love you, and I’ll love you for the rest of my life.

“Promise me,” I said as a horrible fear gripped me, body and soul, a fear of losing him, a fear of not having what I was experiencing just then for the rest of my life.

His eyes were shadowed with desire, and they looked at me, confused.

“Promise me you’ll love me always, promise me,” I almost begged him.

Without answering, he got out of the tub, carrying me, his hands firmly gripping my thighs. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the hollow of his neck, biting my lower lip to keep from screaming as I felt him so deep inside me while he carried me to the bedroom. Both of us were dripping wet. He laid me down on the bed without pulling away.

“What’s the point in promising?” he asked as our breathing synced up. I was about to explode, and he knew it; his hands fed every part of my body that needed his touch. “You’ve got me under your spell… I’m more yours than I am my own. I’ll do whatever you ask, whatever you want. I promise, babe.”

And with his words and his body glued to mine, I stopped feeling so cold.

The next few days were amazing: sharing all those moments with his sister, moments we could never have experienced at a distance, with the few hours he was normally permitted to see her. For Nick’s birthday, we went to Disneyland, and even if it was a place for kids and we spent the day just chasing Maddie around, I loved seeing Mickey and his gang sing Nick “Happy Birthday.” A year before, around that time, we had just started going out, and if anyone had told me then I’d be seeing him with a pair of mouse ears on, eating a cake shaped like a Disney princess, I’d have told them they were out of their mind.

The time passed quickly, and soon it was time to take her back to the airport. The stewardess who said she’d look after her until she made it to Vegas was waiting for us next to security. After those days together, the goodbye was harder than we had imagined.

“You okay?” I asked Nick as we went back out to the car. He was holding my hand, squeezing it so tightly, it was almost painful.

“I will be,” he said.

I didn’t want to press him because I knew Nick didn’t like to talk much, especially when it was about his feelings. His sister was his weak point, and knowing she was leaving to stay with parents who barely even had time for her didn’t help matters. It wasn’t until he’d been driving for ten minutes that he spoke to me again.

“Should I drop you off at home?”

An alarm started going off inside me. Jenna had called me the day before, while Nick was giving Maddie a bath, to tell me she had found out the races would be on Monday. I didn’t want to believe her then, but if it was true, then Nick wouldn’t want me around. I almost said no, that I’d stay at his place, but I couldn’t do that to my mother; she was mad enough as it was. Plus, I needed to finish packing my bags. School would start in five days. I needed to talk to Mom, even if what I really wanted to do was tell her after I’d already moved in with Nick and there was no turning back. It was risky, but it would be easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.

“Yeah, home’s good,” I said, looking out the window, trying to decide what to do about the races. When we got to the house and he parked in the driveway, I assumed he would get out, at least to say hi to his dad, but he didn’t even cut the engine. Still stranger, he asked, “Should we have dinner tomorrow?”

Surprised, I said, “What?”

He smiled, but his eyes looked preoccupied.

“You and me…we can go somewhere nice… What do you think?” He reached out and stroked my hair as he proposed it. I hadn’t seen that coming. Maybe Jenna was wrong about the races.

“Will you pick me up?”

He looked toward the house. “I don’t think I can, I’ve got work all day… It would be best if we just meet there. I’ll text you the details.”

There wasn’t a trace of hesitation on his face. Maybe he was being sincere? Jenna could be wrong about all that. I smiled. I hated doubting Nick. He wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t go to the races, not without telling me, especially after all that had happened.

“Cool, I’ll see you there, then,” I said, resting a hand on the door.

“Hey!” he said before I got out. “Thanks for being with me these days. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

I touched his cheek, leaned in, and kissed him. As his face pushed into mine, I prayed he wasn’t lying to me.

Jenna came by the next afternoon. I’d never seen her so depressed. She and Lion were going through hard times, and it didn’t help at all that she was absolutely convinced they’d be racing that night. When I told her Nick would be waiting for me at Cristal, a fancy restaurant downtown, she looked at me with disbelief.

“I know what I’m talking about, Noah. And there’s a hundred percent chance that our fucking boyfriends are going to get in trouble tonight.”

I sighed and tried to find a pretty dress to wear. I was tired of trying to convince Jenna that Nicholas wouldn’t lie to me, least of all make me go to a restaurant if he was planning to bail on me.

“How are you and Lion doing? Is he still mad at you?” I asked, more to change the subject than for any other reason.

Sitting on the sofa by my dressing table, Jenna went pale, making the blood red of her nail polish stand out more.

“If by mad you mean our relationship now consists of screaming at each other and then fucking like crazy afterward, then yeah, I guess he’s still mad at me.”

“Well, that’s putting it delicately!” I replied, somewhat surprised by how blunt she was. Jenna wasn’t the naive little rich girl people thought. But even if she tried to make light of things, I could tell she was a wreck and much more nervous about that night than she let on. If her theory was correct, Lion would take part in any race he could get into, regardless of the law, regardless of the fact the people who showed up for those events had almost killed us the last time we’d been there, as long as he could make some cash. And we both knew that if Lion kept going down that road, it was likely he would end up in jail, just as his brother had.

“By the way, I saw Luca the other day,” she said, getting up from the couch and flipping through my hangers. I looked at her reflection in the mirror.

“What’s he like?” I asked warily.

“To be honest, he seemed really nice, but sort of…I don’t know, like I got goose bumps when I met him.” She stopped to look at a plain white shirt. Her mind was clearly elsewhere and had been for more than a month. “He’s handsome, not like Lion, but you can tell their parents must have been good-looking… He’s got the same green eyes, but they’re mysterious. He seems like he’s got secrets, and I guess Lion doesn’t want me to know them because when I went over there the other day, he did everything but kick me out.”

Her voice quivered as she said this. I hated seeing her sad. The old Jenna was nothing like the one I had in front of me now. Where was that eternal smile, that glimmer in her eyes, the nonsense she loved to spout at all hours of the day? I wanted to give that idiot Lion a piece of my mind.

“Why don’t you come to dinner with me and Nick tonight?” I proposed. I knew Nick would be fine with it. Jenna was his friend, and he’d probably help me get her in a better mood.

Jenna shook her head, exasperated. “You honestly still think he’s taking you to dinner?”

I took a deep breath. “Nicholas wouldn’t lie to me, Jenna, and he wouldn’t leave me hanging.”

She paused, reflecting on my words. “Fine…but I’m only doing it so you’re not by yourself when the idiot doesn’t show up the way he told you he would. That way we can go find them together.”

I shook my head, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit of uncertainty as I heard her.

A few hours later, we were freshly showered and dressed for the night. Jenna had dragged her feet, and I’d had to convince her to find a nice outfit and throw on some makeup. We weren’t going to McDonald’s, after all. Finally she put on a pair of leather shorts and a white blouse with flats. I chose a snug black dress and a pair of white platform heels. I let my hair down and put on lipstick, too.

Jenna rolled her eyes at me, but she didn’t say anything. Just then, I got a message from Nick.

The reservation’s under my name. Grab a couple of drinks and wait for me inside.

I showed the message to Jenna, but she ignored me as we left my room.

It took us nearly an hour to get to the restaurant. There was a reservation for three under Nick’s name, just as he had promised. The place was pleasant, with little French-style tables and soft romantic lighting. It was funny, being there with Jenna, with all those candles around, but it was also hard to imagine being there with Nick. That place was too cheesy for him. Jenna started cracking jokes while the couples around us stared at us, clearly irritated.

“Noah, take my hand, maybe they’ll think it’s our anniversary and they’ll rain confetti on us from those lamps overhead,” she said with a ridiculous flirty expression. I laughed, and we drank a glass of white wine—at these fancy places, they never asked for an ID—as we waited for Nick to appear.

Forty minutes in, the jokes weren’t funny anymore, and I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The sound of my phone vibrating pulled me out of a trance, and I scowled as I read the message that had come through:

Hey Freckles, sorry, I can’t come tonight. We’re up to our ears in work, and if I don’t finish the reports I’ve been asked for, I can kiss my internship goodbye. Please don’t get mad, I’ll make it up to you… you and Jenna have dinner and enjoy yourselves.

I could feel a fire burning inside me, something I’d been trying to suppress the entire time we’d been waiting. I couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid to think this strategy would work.

I looked up at Jenna, who seemed to feel sorry for me, despite everything.

“Where the hell are those damn races?”