Your Fault (Culpable Book 2)

Noah had her phone turned off for the whole afternoon. It was starting to worry me… I tried not to let my nerves get the better of me. Regardless of the situation, that never helped. My sister was with me, Anne had brought her as promised, and I was happy she’d be with me for the next four days. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin that time for me, and as for Noah… I tried to tell myself she’d just let her battery run out.

“Nick!” Maddie shouted in that unique voice of hers. We’d gone to Santa Monica, to the pier. I’d always told Maddie about that place, about the beach, the attractions, how the kids could climb into the Ferris wheel and see the ocean from way up in the air… But my little sister, unlike most normal children, had taken off for the aquarium and had her face pressed against the glass looking at the mollusks and sea creatures on display. I walked over to her.

“Mad, be careful, one of those monsters might break the glass and get you!” I warned her before grabbing her around the waist and heading toward the exit. Night was falling, and I wasn’t sure what time she usually had dinner or went to bed.

“You cold, midget?” I asked her, then took off my jacket, bent over, and draped it over her shoulders.

A smile appeared on her puffy little lips. “Are you happy I came?” she asked, and her innocent eyes told me the answer mattered more than it should.

I smiled and zipped her up. She looked like a ghost in that garment that was nearly dragging on the ground, but it was better than her getting sick.

“Are you happy to be here?” I asked, trying to roll up the hem.

“Of course I am!” she shouted. “You’re my favorite brother. Didn’t I ever tell you that?”

I laughed. Like she had any other ones to compare me with…!

“No, you never told me that, but you’re my favorite sister, too, so it works out perfectly, no?”

She smiled, and it touched my heart.

“You wanna go on the Ferris wheel?” I asked, and she replied with an enthusiastic, earsplitting “yes!”

The pier was packed with people and their families, and the breaking waves made you want to never leave. The evening was precious. Just as I was about to take out my phone to call Noah again, I heard her. As I looked into the crowd, I saw her smiling from ear to ear. I was sure I was doing the same.

“Hey, Maddie!” Noah called, dazzling as always, capturing the attention of my sister, who ran off toward her.

“Noah!” she shouted, and I laughed watching them. My joy grew even further as I watched Noah bend down, pick her up, and hug her gently.

Maddie had taken to Noah easier than I had thought. Of course, Noah was a joy to be around, but Mad wasn’t easy, I had to admit. I adored her because she was my sister, but she could be curt and a brat: she didn’t get along with everyone, she didn’t like people invading her personal space unless she really trusted them, and if I were honest, she was a little spoiled, like every six-year-old girl whose parents bought her everything. She was my princess of darkness, I liked to say. But Noah adored her and she adored Noah, so there was nothing to worry about.

When I reached them, Noah gave me a strange look, as though she were relieved to see me or something like that. I smiled and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing Maddie between us.

“Noah, let’s all three get on the Ferris wheel!” Maddie kicked her legs back and forth so we’d set her down and took off running toward the rides. Watching her, I wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulders and kissed her head as we followed.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Of course! Your sister’s gorgeous,” she said, changing the subject.

“Without her two front teeth?” I asked. “It’s taken all the self-control I can muster not to make fun of her, Freckles.”

Noah laughed but said nothing more. She was acting strange, but I decided to let it go for now. We met Maddie at the head of the line and paid for three tickets. She was talking nonstop, recounting all that she and I had done and how she had taken an airplane to get here and how happy she was to be staying with me. Noah followed her, amused, occasionally turning toward me with a grin.

It was chilly, without a cloud in the sky, and the sunset was gorgeous from where we sat. Noah leaned into me, staring out into the ocean and the last glimmers of light. I draped an arm around her and pulled her in closer. She met my eyes and smiled as only she could.

Maddie fell asleep in the car. That was normal: she’d gotten up early and had had a busy day. As I drove along the interstate, with Noah driving her own car beside me, I couldn’t help but think of my conversation with Lion that morning.

He’d called to tell me the races were next Monday. After Noah’s kidnapping, I’d kept my distance from the gang and the streets. I didn’t want any of that to affect my life, especially now that it could endanger my girlfriend and my family. But Lion was Lion, and he lived in that world, and unfortunately, I couldn’t take him out of it, not unless he was willing to change. It’s not that he liked it, but it was quick and easy money, and that’s why he had asked me to go with him and race on his team as we’d always done. I’d offered to lend him money, but Lion was too proud to accept it. I’d agreed to drive with him because I knew he needed the cash and because, apart from last year, there’d never been any problems. I’d always loved cars, and racing at night, in the middle of the desert, with all that adrenaline, that speed, the feel of victory…I loved it.

Noah would kill me if she found out. Jenna had already been dropping hints, and though I thought I had convinced her that I wasn’t mixed up in Lion’s doings, I’d have to do more to get her off my back. Lion swore to me Jenna didn’t know when the races were, and anyway, it would be one and done: we’d go there, race, win, and return home. No problems.

The one thing I could do to clear up any of Noah’s suspicions was hang out with her on the same Monday as the races. We’d have dinner on the other end of town, as far as possible from the track, and then… I’d stand her up. I’d come up with some excuse why I couldn’t help it, and that way I’d know, at least, that she was as far from me as possible, somewhere safe. She’d be furious, but I’d make it up to her when I was back.

Satisfied with my plan, I parked the car, got out, and went to open Noah’s door once she was parked, too.

“Everything okay, Freckles?” I asked, caressing her cheek and pushing her hair out of her face. She’d been quiet all evening, and now that my sister was asleep, I could pay more attention to her. I noticed she was dressed up.

“I’m tired, that’s all,” she said, getting out without even looking at me.

“What did I do this time, Noah?” I asked, mentally analyzing everything I’d said and done since we’d met each other on the pier.

She grinned. That calmed me down slightly.

“Nothing, silly,” she said, and I relaxed further when she turned and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her in. Her kiss was soft; mine was hard: my tongue opened her lips and tasted her with delight. She didn’t hold back, but she seemed distracted.

I pulled back to look at her. “You’re hiding something, and I’m going to find out what it is,” I said, half joking.

I opened the back door and smiled like an idiot looking at that gorgeous little girl asleep next to her dreadful stuffed rabbit. I unbuttoned her seat belt and picked her up. Then I went around to the trunk, pulled out her tiny suitcase, and, with Noah at my side, took the elevator up to my apartment.

I didn’t want to wake Maddie up, so I took her straight to bed.

“Sleep tight, princess,” I said, kissing her cheek.

I closed the door behind me and saw Noah there waiting for me, leaning against the wall next to the bedroom. We needed to talk, and I wanted her to be first.

“You want to take a bath with me?” she proposed with a mischievous smile.

I smirked, took her hand, and led her to the bathroom, opening the tap and watching the tub fill up.

“You look good today…very elegant in that outfit,” I observed, pulling carefully on her hair tie. When it fell, her hair spread like silk over her shoulders. “What did you do this morning? Apart from ignoring me, I mean.”

She looked at the buttons on my shirt and with trembling fingers started to undo them one by one. I grabbed her hands, stopping her, a little anxious about whatever she was hiding.

“I hung out with my mom,” she said. “My battery went dead. That’s why I missed your calls.”

I nodded and let her continue. When she had taken off my shirt, she leaned forward, and I closed my eyes, feeling her lips on my skin.

Nothing compared to Noah’s caresses, the feeling was incredible; they made me feel so good…so at peace with myself. She was my drug, made just for me, able to drive me absolutely wild. I opened my eyes and cupped my hands over hers as they surrounded my neck in turn. I wanted to have her in the bath, relaxed. Maybe that way, I could figure out what the hell was going on.

I took off her top and that skirt that made her skin glimmer. Then I knelt and took off her sandals. Her body was incredible, athletic, not too thick or too thin. I could spend hours just admiring it.

She took off her bra and underwear and slipped into the water. I wanted to tell her it was hot, but she didn’t react; she just sank in up to her shoulders. I got in, too, and when she moved forward to make room for me behind her, I wrapped her in my arms. I clenched my teeth. It was burning!

“Jesus, Noah!” I complained in those few seconds till my body got used to it. “Are you not on fire right now?”

“No,” she responded distractedly, lifting some soap bubbles and observing them.

I pressed my cheek to her ear and enjoyed just being with her undisturbed and comfortable. But it upset me, not being able to guess what was going on in her head just then.

“Can I ask you a question?” she said, breaking the spell.

“Sure.”

“But you have to promise you’ll answer me truthfully.”

With my hand on her stomach, I began to trace little circles around her belly button. I was curious to know where she’d go with this, so I said yes, even if I wanted to toy with her for a moment beforehand. I let my fingers go a little lower than they should have, and I heard her breathing grow more halting. “Do you think your father loved your mother? Before they got divorced, I mean.”

I hadn’t expected that, and instead of clearing up my doubts, it left me even more disconcerted.

“I guess he loved her, yeah…but in almost all my memories, they’re either fighting or Dad’s away working… My mother wasn’t an easy woman, but he brought his own share of problems…” I remembered all those times he’d ditched us because he had to work or because he was just too tired. “When I was little, I started thinking fathers usually lived far away and only came home when they were tired or hungry. Of course, when I got older and could go to friends’ houses, I realized it wasn’t like that, that fathers could be around and it could be lots of fun. One of my classmates’ dads used to take him to school and pick him up every day, and they would go out for pancakes and play baseball in the neighborhood park… I was jealous of him. He made me realize fathers could spend time with their kids.”

I got lost for a moment in those memories, and it wasn’t until Noah turned that I realized I’d been transported to another time. I forced a smile and let her pull my head close and kiss me.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” she said.

I pulled back so I could look her in the eyes. “You can ask me anything you want, Noah. My life hasn’t been a fairy tale, but it’s been close to it, if I compare it to what some people have to go through. Not everyone’s made to be a parent, and some people really try and fail anyway.”

I wasn’t going to sit there and cry about how my parents hadn’t gotten along. My childhood hadn’t been perfect, but it would be ridiculous to piss and moan about it, especially in front of her. Noah felt bad for me, I could see it in her magnificent eyes, even though my life had been a walk in the park compared to hers. Maybe my father had been a selfish asshole when I was a kid, but at least he hadn’t tried to kill me. Sometimes my mind would mess with me, making me imagine Noah as a little girl, not much bigger than Maddie, hiding from her dad, forced to jump out a window… How could she even waste a second of her time pitying me?

“You think normal families exist?” she asked me. I knew what she meant: the kind of family you see in movies, with normal parents who go to work and their biggest worry is how to pay the mortgage at the end of the month.

Was that what she’d been thinking about all afternoon? Had she said something to her mother that morning? I was furious at the thought of Raffaella pestering her about how our relationship couldn’t be. I sat there thinking about it for a few seconds.

“That’s the kind of family you and I are going to be. What do you say? But no worries about the mortgage, obviously.”

Noah laughed, but I wanted to show her how serious I could be.

“Now it’s my turn to ask the questions,” I said. “Where do you want to do it, in the bath or in bed?”