Written In Black

Everything was dark now, all that was left of my senses now was my hearing, besides that I was paralyzed. But my hearing was stronger then ever, I heard the drops of water coming from outside, probably raining, barely though, I heard my own heartbeat inside me, which I didn’t know how considering I didn’t have one after the change. Then all at once my hearing completely shut down, but not before I heard the faint call of Peter’s voice yelling my name…..

“Come on…please baby, open your eyes…” Peter’s voice called me.

I tried to see but I couldn’t open my eyes.

“What if it didn’t work?”

“It will.”

Scarlet.

With all my will I opened my eyes, bright light shone, and made me shut them again.

“Baby…please look at me.” Peters hands held my cheeks. I could feel them they were so warm against my skin.

I wanted to feel his hands with mine, slowly I pulled my hand up, I could feel his shaking, then I gently rested my palm on his.

I could hear him let out a cry, and he placed my palm on his cheek.

“Peter.”

“Oh my god, ” He let out a loud breath of relief, “I thought...”

I saw Peter’s face, it was pale and tired, he’d looked worn out.

“What happened?” My head pounded, and my stomach ached.

I sat up slowly, then fell back down, Peter caught me.

“Where’s Cay?” I asked.

“Taken care of…he will never put his hands on you again.” his voice was filled fury and hate, “Everything’s alright.” he added as he tried to touch me, I moved away.

“What about earlier, you, Sean, Scarlett, tried to attack me.”

“It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you Jay, it wasn’t us, more enemies trying to get to you, most likely shapeshifters made to look like your loved ones, you have to trust me Jay, I would never hurt you, neither would Scarlett or Sean.”

Peter shook his head, “It’s going to be alright now.”

“Then why do I feel like something is wrong?”

Peter sighed and turned to Scarlet, “Give us a minute.” Scarlett nodded and left.

Peter turned to me, “I promised you the truth.”

I sat up painfully, “I’m ready to hear it.” I said, relaxing my hands on my lap.

Peter let out a long breath and spoke, “Who Cay was after was you because you had something important he wanted, something he didn’t get.”

“What? What do I have?”

“It’s more like what is already yours.”

I gave Peter a confused look, and he spoke, “He wanted your grace.”

“My what?” The word seemed biblical to me, now that I heard it, it sounded more insane every time I said it in my mind.

“Every angel has their own.” Peter kept his gaze on me, waiting to see my reaction.

“Wait…then that would mean,” I couldn’t get the words to come out of my mouth.

Peter spoke for me, “You were an angel.”

The room spun, I felt like I wanted to throw up, “Do you want me to repeat it?”

I shook my head, “I’d rather not hear it.”

“You wanted the truth…and I’m sorry you had to hear it.”

I’d come to my senses and spoke, “How is this possible.” I spoke quietly to myself.

“This is going to be a long story.”

“It’s a good thing we’ve got time.” Saying that brought my back to my mom.

“She must be worried. Peter I need to see my mom.” I stood up about to leave, but Peter grabbed my arm.

“I told her we went out, she’s fine.” Peter came and sat at the foot of the bed.

He held my hands in his, “I need to tell you Jay, everything.” His eyes were filled with sadness and regret.

“Heaven didn’t cast out every angel.” Peter finally spoke, but quietly.

“What are you talking about Peter?”

“You were never cast out--at least not at first”

“What?”

“You followed me after I was.”

“Why would I…” Then I realized why I’d followed.

“I loved you.”

Peter nodded, “And I you.”

“You said you’d made a choice..that that choice was why you fell.”

Peter nodded, “It was more of our choice combined…we were in love, I guess it wasn’t allowed upstairs, so they kicked me out, I fell.”

“Why wasn’t I kicked out with you?”

“They felt the best punishment was for us to be apart, but when I fell you followed so they cast you as well.”

“And what about my grace?”

Peter shifted closer, “Do you remember the dream you had, how the demons said they wanted it?”

I nodded, “It’s my grace isn’t it?”

Peter nodded, “When an angel abandons heaven not cast out, but abandons, it is very easy to take their grace, many were after yours, you were in danger.”

Peter continued, “As much as I had asked you not to, you did it anyway.”

I grabbed his arm, “I was there?”

“Yes, and you had given me your grace.”

I took a step back. For some reason this whole plunged in my stomach, “Why?”

He spoke, “I tried so hard to talk you out of it, but you thought it was the best way to keep the demons from getting what they wanted.”

“You said I came back…” I spoke more quietly, “How did I die?”

“Jay please--”

“Just--” I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he wouldn’t argue again, “Tell me.”

He sighed and spoke quietly, “Taking away an angel’s grace, makes them vulnerable to anything, even death.”

“How did I die?” I asked again.

Peter looked to me sadly and spoke, “You killed yourself.”

“Wait, wait.” I backed up slowly, not believing what I heard.

“I would never leave you Peter, I--what happened?”

Peter threw his hands in the air, “I wish I knew…once I found out you were dead, I couldn’t believe it, I literally could not…” he stopped short and spoke, “My body could not will itself to believe what had happened, so I had to see for myself.”

“On the battlefield, that we fought, there was an old hideaway underground, we went there all the time, and that’s where I found you.”

“What happened?”

“You were lying on the ground, with an empty bottle in your hand; whatever killed you, that was what you drank.”

“I don’t remember.” I shrugged.

“But what I’m trying to get at is why--”

All of the sudden the floor beneath me shattered into a million pieces, leaving me clutching onto the railing.

“Peter!” He grabs my hand, I look at him, and to my surprise his face is confused.

“Jay, what’s wrong?”

“The floor! It’s gone!” I looked back at the ground, it was complete horror. I felt if I fell now, I’d fall into oblivion forever.

I looked back to Peter, then a look of recognition shot up in his eyes, “Jay, this isn’t real, it’s just a memory.”

“What memory?!” I held onto the bed tighter, shifting my gaze away from the oblivion.

“The fall.”

“Make it stop!!” I couldn’t stop screaming.

Sean and Scarlett came in, “Peter what’s wrong with her?”

“She’s remembering.” Peter stood up slowly.

“Jay.” Sean sat next to me.

“I’m going to fall--I can’t, help me--not again--not again. God no!” Tears streamed down my face. I was too frightened to move. I was frightened because I finally remembered, I remembered the tragic regret I felt after I fell, I remember the guilt I felt for my disobedience, it all came back, every single part of it.

“Jay.”

I didn’t reply, I just stayed huddled next to the bed.

“I am probably going to regret this,” in an instant Sean turned me around and pushed his lips against mine. The softness of his lips sent chills throughout my body, and then suddenly all of my worry, and fear went away, the pit was gone.

Sean let go. I opened my eyes, Sean was back next to Scarlett, they both left. Peter made his way next to me and sighed.

“Peter-” Great, just great, not only did I enjoy the kiss, but Peter had witnessed it.

“It’s over,” he held up my chin and kissed me lightly on the forehead.

“Are you better now?”

I nodded, “I didn’t know Sean would--”

“Sean did what helped you. It wasn’t personal, so I am fine…are you?”

I nodded, “I remember Peter....everything.” I turned back to the door where Sean and Scarlett left.

“So this is what I’ve come to?” I whispered.

Peter chuckled, I punched him in the arm, “What?”

He shrugged, “Your memories are back, and that’s your big line?”

Now I shrugged, “Didn’t we swear we’d stay away from their kind?” I gave him a serious look.

“Don’t look at me like that. I despise them as much as you did, but I’ve grown to know our chance is better aligned, we cannot afford more enemies than we already have.”

“And now look at me, I’ve fallen Peter, big time.”

“You haven’t fallen Jay, you’ve just been....a-wall. There is a way you know.” Peter gave a look of assurance, yet hesitance.

I gave him a confused look, “A way for what?”

He smirked, “To get your grace back.”

I gave him a doubtful look, “I thought you had it.” I crossed my arms, giving Peter’s full evasive confidence.

Peter gave an uncomfortable look, then I realized, “We didn’t win, did we?”

He shook his head, “Unfortunately not, and to make matters worse, Cay had thought you still had your grace, he was given false information.”

“By who? I thought this was all because of Cay, are you telling me now that there’s someone else out there set out for me?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, we had just dealt with Cay, and now someone else once again was getting in the way of my life.

“Unfortunately,” he looked down, “And I happen to know him.”

I gave Peter a confused look, and then he spoke, “He’s your first love.”

I shook my head, “Before you, there’s been no one else.”

“You’ve been asleep a while Jay, it’s time you remember what really happened.”

“What really happened when, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Peter shook his head, an eerie look filled his expression, “Of course you don’t, after all he’s the one that started this whole mess.”

“Started this whole mess?”

Peter looked at me solemnly, “If it wasn’t for him, you would never have forgotten, and if it wasn’t for him, the fall never would have happened.”

Peter knelt down, grasping my hands tightly in his, “A violent death is always and inevitably a painful one; however, always remembered. And if that pain is the only feeling I can receive throughout my time, I will cherish it and hope it will last for all eternity; my love, the ever living ghost of what once was, a memory that will be forever enslaved in my mind.”