Wizard for Hire

To try and explain what I was feeling in that moment is a disservice to feelings, with my limited vocabulary. But I will try my best; when I first started working in London, I didn’t know the area, nor the public transport well. And unknowingly, got off the Underground late at night, at the wrong stop. Walking around a council estate trying to find a taxi, I suddenly realised I was being watched by a gang with hoods up on their tracksuits. They saw me in my suit and executive leather bag and must have thought: easy pickings. There was this moment, when I saw them, and they saw me, when neither did anything. In that moment of standoff, the world seemed to stop. Like when an antelope spots a lion stalking it—it freezes up.

Right then, with those wayward, violent children watching me, I felt like an antelope. Fortunately, I ran track and field for my school, so when they did give chase, I sprinted terrified out of the estate, until I found a taxi.

But there was no such way out of this situation, facing a man of magic who stood in the only exit to safety.

This man whom we knew as the Creep, stood gallantly atop a rock, long grey mac flapping in the wind. A gambler cowboy hat, pulled down at the front, covered most of his face. The Creep spoke in a voice softer than I expected, a gentle serenity to it, with an accent that I would attribute to someone of class and nobility. “I would appreciate it if you could give me back my dog.”

Felix replied cautiously, voice echoing off the rock. “Your dog?”

The Creep gathered from this that were not ordinary members of the public, that we knew what this dog was. I could not make out a change on the Creeps face through the darkness, but the silence spoke volumes.

Felix’s right arm went stiff by his side, before, with the action of a gunslinger, he jerked his whole arm, into his hand shot his wand.

“Maybe I shall rephrase my request… give me the dog or I will end both of you.”

His politeness had vanished faster my confidence. Now the Creep extended his arm, displaying a thin piece of light coloured wood, held tightly. This was a warning.

Felix took a tentative step forward and whispered. “Step back Norton, keep the dog safe.”

Sure, keep the dog safe, don’t worry about me. Christ.

“Just give him the dog,” I whispered back. “We will die, we can prove our innocence another way.” I begged as the two wizards steps closer to one another.

Holding tight to Harry’s lead, I pulled him back as he continued to bark incessantly, taking partial shelter behind a nook in the cave wall.

“How would you like to die?” called the Creep. “A hole through the heart, or drown in this cave?”

Felix suddenly screamed: “Fuck you!” Before launching himself forwards, wand outstretched.

Whizz. Fizz. BANG!

There is was, the sound of the Catherine wheel firework—the end of Felix’s wand exploded like a shotgun, with a flash, a gust of pink wind so powerful, the Creep toppled backwards with an almighty splash.

But he rose in an instant, like a Marvel Avenger or something, with a really pissed off expression. His hat had fallen off and now I saw his facial features. He was handsome, like a middle-aged model for a fitness magazine, but there was something tortured about him. They say the eyes are the window the soul, if that’s true, all I saw was a fractured, traumatised soul.

But more than that, I was sure as anything that I recognised him. His wet hair fell over his chiselled, dishevelled face, which as I could just make out had a long pink scar running from his left ear down to his neck. It looked recent.

“I hate wizards!” he cried. A ball of black fire, fizzing with static energy, collected in between the Creep’s outstretched hands, where he seemed to shape it, as if it were clay. Without warning, this black ball shot at Felix so fast as to become invisible.

Seeming to have anticipated this, Felix had already made his next move—although I did not see anything. As the ball of black fire was a foot from Felix’s face, and as if by some invisible sword, it was cleaved asunder, like a bar of butter hitting a red hot knife.

“Have you never fought a wizard before Creep?” Felix called with malice. “Come, what say we fight like men.”

Felix raised his wand in front of him like a sword and bowed his head to it. At once, it lit with colour. A bright green substance now covered it, I would almost describe it like a Star Wars lightsaber, but this substance looked like hot wax in a lava lamp, and sounded like it was made of a high concentration of electricity.

Or was it… pure magic?

The Creep did the same, his wand turning red in the same way as Felix’s.

“Green and red, how apt.” Felix chuckled. He looked almost maniacal with the wand light dazzling in his eyes.

It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen, unless at the movies, and quite breathtaking. The wizards charged at each other, wands outstretched before them like medieval jousters. As their wands collided, their was a flash of bright light which lit the cave like a flash of lightning.

They fought like swordsmen, but it was more than that. Harder. A swordsman can easily find a gap and injure his opponent, when one of these two wizards found a gap, their opponents wand would flash that way to block, almost as if it had a mind of its own.

Every-time the wands clashed, a flash of light lit up the cave. It seemed more than anything that their wands were an extension of oneself and ones willpower. The more willpower one had, the brighter ones wand seemed to illuminate, which I assumed contributed to more wand power.

In this case, Felix had more willpower, and began smashing his wand at the Creep in one barbarous motion. The Creep cowering back with gritted teeth, wand held aloft like a shied, as he backed into the wall.

Felix knew what he was doing, his wand suddenly ceased to be lit, he jumped back out the way of the Creeps swipe, and pointed his wand at the rock wall.

A large round stone face with a long beard, morphed into the wall behind the Creep as two stone arms, thicker than a greek gods, extended out of the wall and pulled the Creep into a tight hold. Slowly, pulling him into the rock face.

“Norton GO! Clifftop!” Felix cried.

Dragging Harry with me, we sprinted for the exit. Felix and the Creep seemed to be locked in a battle, Felix trying to make the stone arms take the Creep into the rock. And the Creep fighting back, it resulted in a stalemate, but this bought us time to escape.

Just as we got the cave entrance, a huge wave, I am talking ten feet tall, rose above us. “FELIX! WAVE!”

It was no ordinary wave. This was the Creeps doing. For all of a sudden, it hit us. It was like being punched by the sea. I felt myself turning summersaults, as my skin burned from the cold. But it wasn’t enough to stop us, I felt something lift me up, coughing and spluttering. A giant hand, made out of sand had risen Harry and I from the water, placing us several feet away on dry sandy land. But Felix was still inside the cave, now full of water, with the Creep. I watched it swell and bubble. He knew what he was doing, I reasoned, he had made the sand hand appear casting the dog and I to safety. Harry and I, ran up the stairs back to the clifftop.

The wait was agonising, the sea was still swelling inside the cave. They would surely have drowned by now? Harry was crying softly, I picked him up. “It’s okay, he will be back soo—” the last word got caught in my throat.

Something was rising up through the grass before us. Like a zombie escaping from a a grave, the Creep climbed from the earth and smiled.

“Never fought a wizard?” he said. “I eat them for breakfast.”

Ergh, if he thought that was some clever James Bond line, then he was mistaken—and then it struck me, this guy thought he was the good guy.

Harry was looking over the edge for who he thought was his owner. I must admit, the worst had crossed my mind, if Felix was dead, then my future was extremely short.

The Creep was soaking wet, muddy, and had burns all over him. But he still smiled. “Now give me the dog.”

If I just gave it to him, he would surely just kill me after. If I didn’t give it to him he would just take the dog and kill me. So I started to frantically think.

“You can’t… I… I… recognise you,” I said playing for time as I thought of a plan. If the wizard really was dead, there was no point me dying too. Heck, I ain’t no hero. “Where do I know you from?”

I don’t think he was in the fashion of dishing out personal information, for he remained tightlipped. His singed and blackened mac billowed in the wind—there was something about him that reminded me of Felix, was it the maddened look in his eye? I had seen it before, in those driven mad with ambition, eating them from the inside out.

A plan stuck me, without checking it over, for the Creep took a few steps towards me, I rolled with it.

Holding Harry slightly tighter, I said. “If you try and take him, I will make him teleport again and then you won’t know where he goes.”

The Creep’s smile dropped. “How will you do that exactly?”

“How do you think he teleported here,” I bluffed. “Trust me, I know. Anyway do you really want to take the chance?”

He paused, then started to walk towards me. I was frozen. He had sensed my bluff, he must have. The Creep’s face lowered until we were nose to nose. In his politest voice he said: “Pass me the dog.”

Out of nowhere a voice sang in the style of the Ghostbusters: “I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO CREEP!”

The Creep spun round looking for the voice, just in time not to notice, a fist made out of sand, the size of a two humans, come smashing into the side of him. The sound was like a giant SLAP! And he went flying! Finally landing, skidding through the earth thirty feet away.

Felix standing atop another large sand fist, came over the top of the cliff edge, with his hands pressed together like he was Jesus Christ, taking small bows to an imaginary crowd. “I’m alive! I’m alive!” He called, jumping from the hand and observing the ground seemingly keeping a tight hold of the Creep.

“Shall we?” said Felix, guiding me to the car. I ran, putting Harry on the back seat, and starting the engine. Felix, rather nonchalantly, took one last look at the Creep, struggling against the bonds of earth that held to him like a dozen arms.

I put the car in gear and drove off. Harry jumped into the front seat, licking Felix all over. He didn’t even react, keeping his vision fixed behind us, at the Creep who had escaped his earthly bonds.

Even from quite a way, we heard the Creep screaming.

“What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?”

Felix didn’t looked bothered that he had just face to face with death, rather he looked happier than at any point since I had known him.

“We won, that’s what happened. And I like winning.”

As we started the long drive back, to which was 100% adrenaline fuelled, Felix grabbed his bag of magic from the boot (clambering over the seats to do so), and began doing magic. He explained a little, the first making us untraceable to the Creep via most magical and non-magical means, he explained it in a clever way that I could understand: “It’s like blocking him on Facebook. He can’t search for us, nothing will come up. The only downside is that also means, we can’t search for him.”

Felix was right, this would make a great book. A great fiction book, for no one would actually believe any of this to be real. Heck, I was having trouble believing it to be real; the more I thought about it, the more I thought I must be in a coma, dosed up on so much drugs it had given me a crazy trip where I follow around a wizard, who duels others wizard with their wands like lightsabers.

It was beyond crazy.

Later on, I began to wrack my brains for how and where I recognised the Creep, but the memory was not forthcoming.

We made one stop on the way home; a pet shop near our house. Felix purchased a food bowl, a bed, blanket, food and some treats. “He will be staying with us for a while.” He said.

When we got home, Felix insisted that we sneak in. What with breaking out of the house through Ms McCall’s room and most likely breaking half her furniture, we mostly likely had crossed the line. Felix yawned and said he would hypnotise her later. Fortunately, little sneaking was required, Ms McCall was out, most likely sourcing some new furniture.

Harry sniffed around Felix’s room, like a dog does in a new environment. Felix pushed his bookcase aside and crawled inside the space moving things around, before placing Harry’s new dog bed and blanket down, next to a full food bowl, some treats and poop tray in the other corner, with what looked like an automatic perfume spray (magically adjusted probably). He also sprayed the vile smelling familiarity, around the space, before placing Harry inside.

“Good boy,” he said. Harry looked happy, tail wagging madly as he settled in his new bed.

“I’ll turn that into a void later,” said Felix. “When I’ve got time, so no one can get to him or the ring, until I’ve worked out a plan.”

I chuckled, happy this was all over. “You can get his memories now and prove our innocence, at last.”

“Yeahhhhh,” Felix said in sheepish voice. “About that, I kind of lied about being able to extract memories from a dog. That’s kind of impossible.”

“You better be kidding me.”

Felix shrugged. “You wouldn’t have come if I told you the truth. I needed you and you stepped up big time. I owe you!”

He knew I was ridiculously tired, and that I had not the energy to raise a finger let alone punch the wizard in the face. I would deal with him tomorrow, right now I needed my bed, I left him with the dirtiest look I could muster. My door was already open, my few possessions having been searched by police lay skew-if about the room. Locking the door, I fell atop the bed and immediately to sleep, dreaming of revenge.

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