Wild at Heart

The car ride to the clinic was quiet, but I wasn’t worried. Nick’s hand was in mine as we drove with the windows down. The wind blowing made it difficult to differentiate the difference between Nick’s scent and the scent from the woods as we drove by. I knew going to see Doc wasn’t going to ease my mind about the miscarriage. She’s told me before there’s no way to know what happened, so I don’t know why we’re going. Maybe some kind of false hope that with Nick by my side she’ll give me answers she didn’t have before?

As Nick whipped into the parking lot, I pushed the button to close the windows, letting the glass break my stare into the parking lot. Nick was too quick for me, by the time I even took my seatbelt off, he was opening my door and holding his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me from the seat with ease.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

“As ready as I can be.” He let out a soft chuckle and pulled me to the doors of the clinic. He nodded to wolves as he walked by like a celebrity. I tried not to notice, but when every wolf in the pack knows you, it’s hard to stay invisible.

“Alpha.” I smiled at the familiar voice of Dr. Morris. “Luna.” She shook Nick’s hand while she looked down at me in her tall heels. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, I may have missed a few appointments.”

“More than a few, Emma, but I understand how busy you are.” Nick put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me slightly closer to him. “Shall we?” Dr. Morris ushered us straight to an exam room I’d never been in before, which I didn’t think was possible with how much time I spent here in the months after my “death”.

“Is this new?” I asked.

“We’ve been trying to expand our practice with Dr. Stephanie.” I felt my wolf inside me growl and I have no idea where it came from. “Go ahead and take a seat, Emma.” Dr. Morris didn’t seem to notice my distaste for her new associate. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to see how your scar is healed.”

“It looks exactly like it did last time.” I responded. “That’s not why I’m here.” Nick gave my hand a small squeeze to pull my attitude back in.

“I know.” Dr. Morris put her clipboard on the counter and lowered her glasses. “Your situation is very unique, Emma. And while I have the amazing opportunity to speak with the creator of the serum that saved your life with the East pack staying with us, you’re still very unique. They’ve used the herbs on wolves in their pack to heal wolfsbane wounds, but none as severe as yours. And you’re the only wolf whose life has been resurrected from such a severe case of wolfsbane poisoning.”

“What’s your point?” Nick’s fingers squeezed mine again.

“My point, Emma, is that no matter what you come into this clinic for, that is the first place I’m going to start. Your scar and your blood.”

“Emma,” Nick’s voice instantly calmed me down. “We can go if you’re not up for this, but this is what you wanted.”

“Yeah, I know.” I took a deep breath out and let my body relax. “I’m sorry, I just don’t like—” I don’t even know what makes me so uncomfortable about this situation, I’ve been here more times than I can count. I sighed again and took my shirt off, handing it to Nick. Dr. Morris instantly put her glasses back on and went to the wall where her box of gloves were being held. She snapped them on and went to work on examining my scar. There was a soft knock at the door and Dr. Morris didn’t even hesitate to invite them in. Dr. Stephanie snaked her way into the room with the blood kit and I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t you have nurses who do that?” I asked.

“We do.” She answered. “But I am quite fascinated by your case and would like to assist, if it’s alright with you.” No. It’s not alright with me, but Nick was already trying to tame the wild in me towards Dr. Morris, so putting up a fight about Dr. Stephanie was just added stress on him, and this appointment was going to be stressful enough.

“I guess you can take blood.” I agreed. She nodded and went to work on the opposite arm Nick was holding.

Dr. Stephanie couldn’t get out of the exam room fast enough. The entire time she was in the room, my skin was crawling. There wasn’t a single thing this doctor has done to make me distrust her, but my wolf was not a fan of the woman. I relaxed a little more when Dr. Morris was also done with her exam and took a seat on the chair beside me and picked up her clipboard. Like déjà vu, she was engulfed in her notes on that stupid clipboard while I sat there and waited for her to finally speak.

“You look great.” She finally said. “I won’t know more until I get the bloodwork back, but you really do look good.”

“So, what does that mean?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know.” She responded. “I wish I could tell you what happened and why it happened, but I just can’t.” I looked up at Nick and he turned to me to make eye contact. I don’t know why I had this feeling that him being here would make Dr. Morris have answers for me, but his presence in the room made me feel better about her lack of knowledge with my special case.

“Then what do we do?” He asked.

“If you were to become pregnant again,” she turned to me this time. “You need to be monitored very closely.” She turned back to Nick as if he would become my babysitter. “I would be able to monitor the growth and if the new pregnancy would fail, we would have documentation that would give us answers on whether the pregnancy failure was due to your past condition or if it was simply due to our werewolf nature. We would make sure that you weren’t overexerting yourself physically so that wouldn’t even be a factor. It’s not an answer as to what happened to the previous fetus, but it’s a start.” I would never know what happened to my baby, and I needed to start being okay with that. It’s a wound time would have to heal just like the loss of my friends. “Whether you want more children is completely up to you two, but if there is anything else I can do for you two, don’t hesitate to ask.” She stood and Nick shook her hand.

“Of course, thank you, Doc.” Nick turned to me when the door closed again, leaving the two of us alone. “Are you okay?” He asked me. I finally looked up at him and thought about his question. Was I okay?

“I wanted more, but I can’t hold it against her if there isn’t an answer to my questions.” Nick nodded, but he didn’t say anything. Neither of us spoke for a long time and I wondered if someone was going to come in and kick us out for taking up the exam room.

“What do you want to do, little wolf?” His question pulled me from space.

“About what?” I asked, but I didn’t have to. I knew he was questioning my desire to have children with him.

“Do you want to try again?”

“We didn’t try the first time.” I pointed out.

“I know, it just kind of happened, but we never really talked about it.”

“I don’t know what I want to be honest with you.” I found his golden eyes and they looked pained. I slid my hands under his and zig-zagged my fingers through his own. “I never thought about having a mate a day in my life before you blew my mind in the Mating Ritual.” He smiled at me and some of the pain in his eyes disappeared. “When you don’t think about having a mate then children aren’t in that thought either.”

“I understand.”

“I went through the hardest years of my life without a mother, it makes it difficult to think about what would happen if we had children. We’re not exactly living risk-free lives.”

“You don’t have to explain that to me, Emma, I watched you die.” I took a deep breath and thought about a child sitting next to Nick in that hospital for all those months I was slowly dying in front of him.

“But even knowing that, you still want children?”

“I do.” There was no hesitation in his answer, and it made me question why there was hesitation in me.

“I don’t know that I could do this again, Nick.” If I were to become pregnant again and my body couldn’t handle the pregnancy and it ended in miscarriage again, would I be strong enough to go through that a second time? “I’ll need you.”

“What are you saying, little wolf?”

“I want to do this, but it’s going to be the hardest thing we’ve done, and I will need you with me.”

“I’ll never leave you, Emma.”