Where I Belong

Because I'm starving". Nodding my head yes I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up not realising how close it brought us. No matter the shit that happened between us the tension between us never seemed to fade. The slight tingles I got in the pit of my stomach or the way my breath hitched with the way he looked at me. I couldn't brake through our stare and by the looks of it neither could he. "We shouldn't" he groaned at the same time "We can't" slipped past my lips. "But why..-" "Do we want to" I finished for him. "Its better we don't" I whispered finally looking away from him. "Better for who?" He challenged grabbing my face softly so I would look at him. "Its better for the both of us" I said turning and making my way inside. Sleeping with him would only make things worse. No matter how much I said I didn't want him my heart betrayed me every time.

"You have no food he-.."

"You said you loved me" Cutting me off he closed the door behind him. This was the very conversation I wanted to avoid. I told him I loved him not meaning to say it out loud. He got me so wound up it slipped past my lips. "You give me the impression you can't stand to be in the same room as me. Did you mean it?". I had no words, I didn't know what to say. For the first time ever I didn't have a come back didnt have an answer. So I did what I normally do these days I ran. Feeling the pressure of his hands on my hips he spun me around and locked his lips onto my neck. " You can't run from me Ava because I'll always be the one chasing you. In case you've forgot darlin' I know you, know you better than you think I do. I know what you like, I know when your sad, I know how to make you laugh. I know when you sink those little teeth into your bottom lip your either nervous, thinking or turned on" He whispered bringing his hand up to free my lip "I know how to make your little body quiver, I know how to put you over the edge. How those sexy legs shake just as your about to-.."

"Stop it" I said my voice barely a whisper "Please just stop it".

"Its the truth sweets and you know it". Was it the truth? Did my body only feel like this when I was around him? Was it because he was the only person I had been with sexually? "What if its not? What if all of what you just said is because you're the only person I've slept with". Catching the look of surprise and maybe confusion on his face his eyebrows dropped like they always did when he was thinking. "How come I can't rhyme of anything about you? I don't really know you Blaze and you won't let me".

"Thought you were seeing someone?". Rolling my eyes I shook my head "What does that have to do with anything I've just said? You seem to know all of these things about me yet I didn't even know your real name". And this is the part where we would usually argue but not today. I didn't want a fight with him I just wanted answers. To have a normal conversation before I walked out. "You said you've only slept with me. Surely pretty boys dying to tap your fine ass". Pushing him of I put some distance between us "And that right there is why we fight. Why do you have to say stuff like that? Not everything revolves around sex. Can't a guy actually be interested in me for me instead of wanting to tap my fine ass as you so nicely put it".

"I'm just being straight with you darlin'. If he ain't trying then he must be gay".

"And is that what you've been doing all this time, trying? Working your way in so you could get into my panties? In case you've forgot you succeed" I huffed folding my arms over my chest. "I care about you Ava. You might not think it but I do. If it was just your pussy I wanted I'd have had it plenty of times by now and of course last night since you practically begged me-.."

"I didn't beg you for anything" I snapped clenching my teeth together "I got drunk I was horny and you were there. I would have done the same if it were anyone else".

"Bullshit Ava, you and me both know you wouldn't have acted the way you did with me last night with anyone else. That's why you like to be around me babe you get to be yourself".

"I'm not doing this" Turning my back on him I headed for the bedroom not realising he was right behind me. "Truth hurts darlin' but that's exactly what it is the truth. You want me Ava just as much as I want you, nobody will ever make you feel the way I do and you know it. Give in to that temptation darlin' stop fighting it and just let it happen".

"I told you I wasn't doing this". How he had managed to back me into a corner I will never know. I wanted to hate myself because he was right. My body was on high alert, I wanted to feel I wanted to forget. "Take me home now".

Backing away from me a laugh fell from his lips "We'll see how much longer you can resist me. You think I don't know you want nothing more than for me to haul your ass onto that bed and fuck you until you're screaming my name. How your squeezing your thighs together because the ache between them is becoming to much. How those little cheeks are rosey because your flushed" Wetting his lips he stood right in front of me "I'm a patient man baby I ain't got a problem with waiting".

"What you really mean is you'll fuck anything with a pulse until my guard slips and you'll swoop right in?. Can't keep your dick in your pants for 5 seconds. I won't sleep with you Blaze, never again. My guard slipped in the past but it won't again. I say things without thinking but I've never been more clearer than when I told you I didn't want you. You're no good for me and I deserve to be happy, I want to be happy". I had no idea why I was crying "Let me be happy" I croaked "I'm sorry darlin' please don't cry Ava. I hate when you cry sweets" Lifting his hand he cupped my face tilting my head up "Does this guy make you happy?" He whispered wiping away my tears. Nate made me happy but being with him made me feel guilty. Every time I looked at him I couldn't help but think of Blaze. Being with Nate wouldn't help anything it would cause more hassle than I wanted. "There is no other guy" I whispered knowing once I left here today I had to call things of with Nate.

"I'll take you home" He said placing a kiss on top of my forehead.

This couldn't be right.

"So what do you say?" The real estate agent asked leaning against the kitchen counter a sly grin on his face. This is what my morning had consisted of. Searching for a house, sadly the only ones half decent were still in this town. It was a beautiful house more than what I hoped for but something was off.

"You're not going to get another apartment at this price Miss Mendez".

"That's just the thing. Why is it only $650 a month? Is it going to fall apart as soon as I sign the lease?" I wanted this house, I knew as soon as I walked through the front door I had to have it but $650 was cheap far to cheap for a 2 bedroom apartment, build in ensuites in both bedrooms, a toilet upstairs and downstairs, a front and back garden, a fairly sized living room with an open space kitchen. No I smelled a rat. "Its the price the owners asking for. Its a great house Miss Mendez it would be a shame if you passed up on it".

"Who's the owner?" I asked "And why is he asking for so little? Like you said its a great house. A house worth a lot more than $650 a month".

"I can't disclose that information but I can tell you you won't be disappointed if you take it. The house has not long been refurbished everything you see is brand new. The neighborhood is quite and its only walking distance from the shopping mall. Would you like sometime to think?". It all sounded perfect to perfect. Something wasn't right and the price threw me off. Don't get me wrong I wanted to sign on the dotted line and move in immediately but my gut feeling stopped me. "Did my dad put you up to this?" I asked knowing if it wasn't my dad then it had to be Blaze. Let's just say my dad wasn't happy with my decision to move out. It was too dangerous for me to be living alone, he liked me close so he could keep an eye on me. He didn't get that I needed my own space, didn't realise I was un happy living at the clubhouse. Then of course he tried to force me into taking his house, told me it would be safer because I'd always have someone with me. I didn't want one of his merry men coming by everyday to check in on me. I wanted my own space, somewhere I could come home to at night and not have to worry about people having sex it my bed, somewhere I could walk around naked if I wanted to. Somewhere where I could finally call home.

"Sorry Miss Mendez I have no idea what you're talking about". Looking at the confusion in his eyes I tried to see if it was genuine or if he was putting it on. My dad knew a lot of people and it wouldn't surprise me if he somehow managed to make this happen. Find me a nice little place at a genuine price and the best one I've came across happens to be a few block away from the clubhouse. If this wasn't my dad then it sure as hell had to be Blaze. "What about Blaze then?" I thought I saw a flicker of dread in his eyes but it was gone before I could make sure. I knew something like this was going to happen. I didn't get why they couldn't just let me find my own place to live, why they always had to interfere. I could take care of myself I have been doing it for a long time.

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"Again I have no idea what you're talking about. Listen I'm sorry to hurry this along but I do have other clients waiting. Do you want the house or not?".

"I'll take it. Where do I sign and who should I write the deposit out to?" I still had my suspicions that either my dad or Blaze had something to do with it but I wasn't going to let this house slip through my fingers and I couldn't lie it was a great price. Watching him take the contract from his inside pocket he placed it on the counter handing me a pen. "Please sign on the dotted line and print your name below it". Doing just that I handed him back his pen "Pleasure doing business with you Miss Mendez. The lease runs for 6 months at a time. The only time you'll see me is when we are renewing it, of course that's if your still here. Anyway I must go, welcome to your new home". Smiling at me he about turned when I remembered I hadn't given him my deposit.

"What about the deposit?" I called after him as he made his way to his car.

"No need Ava its already been taken care of" Winking at me he got in his car and drove of leaving me with my mouth hanging open. I knew I smelled a rat. He had a good poker face I'll give him that.

Slamming my car door shut behind me I stormed into the clubhouse. Always had to interfere in my business, didn't he know I could take care of myself no matter where I lived. I wasn't the child he forgot about all those years ago. Nostrils flaring I glanced around the place noticing it was only the women that were hanging around.

"Ava darling" my mom smiled coming towards me.

"Where is he?" I snapped catching the attention of the other girls and what a surprise Kelsey was here. "Is he in there?" I asked making my way towards his office. "Ava now's not a good-Ava" My mom yelled coming after me. "How fucking dare you?" I snapped barging the door open only to have 15 pairs of eyes on me. I was too angry to care what he was doing or if it was a bad time. "You had no right" I hissed.

"What the fuck are you moaning about now?" My dad growled thumping his fist of the table "In case you haven't noticed we're fucking busy here". I didn't give a damn if they were busy or they had club business to take care of I was pissed. "Does it look like I give a shit that you're busy. You had no right to interfere in my business and I know you had something to do with it too" I snapped turning my attention to Blaze. "Stay out of my business or so god help me I'll-.." "What the fuck are you talking about" My dad roared pushing himself to his feet making me take a step back. I didn't trust him after the last time and I didn't want another broken jaw. Watching the hurt appear in his eyes at my actions he ran a hand over his face. "Blaze fucking deal with her" He sighed before falling back into his chair.

Deal with me?

Yeah because he wasn't man enough to speak to his own fucking daughter. To busy running a bunch of motorcycle thugs. Shaking my head at him I about turned and stormed out nearly knocking my mom over in the process. Walking back through the clubhouse I stormed towards my car needing a cigarette. Pulling open my door I reached inside my glove department and took one out only to realise I didn't have a lighter. "Fuck" I cursed thumping my hand of the steering wheel. It was a good thing I was moving out of here because I never seemed to be in a good mood anymore. Always swearing, always drinking. The quicker I got out the better.

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"Here" Handing me a lighter I lit my smoke before taking a seat. "If you've come out here to deal with me then you can forget about it" I said blowing out a gust of smoke. "He knows what he did and if it wasn't him then it was you. How many times do I need to say it before use listen".

"You flinched earlier" he said changing the subject, something he was getting good at. "What are you talking about?" I asked laying my head back and closing my eyes. I knew exactly what he was talking about and yeah I moved back, after the last time I wasn't taking any chances. "When your dad stood up. You flinched backwards, he wouldn't hurt you again Ava" He whispered stealing the cigarette from my lips.

"Yeah well I didn't think he would ever hurt me and guess what he did. I wasn't taking any chances I like my face better when its not covered in bruises".

"I like it better when you're just about to come" He whispered his breath fanning over the side of my face. After everything I said yesterday he still comes out with shit like that. "Yeah well I didn't ask for your opinion" I snapped keeping my eyes in front of me. "Y'know what I like even better?" He asked causing me to roll my eyes "I don't care" I sighed because I knew something filthy was going to come out of his mouth. Grabbing a hold of my chin he turned my head so I was facing him. "What are you doing?" I gasped. Did he forget yesterday? Leaning forward so he was only inches away he stroked his thumb over my bottom lip "I like it better when there's a shit eating grin on it, when you're happy and smiling like you don't have a care in the world" Feeling his breath fan over my lips I swallowed hard. Why did he always affect me? "Yeah well that won't happen as long as I'm here" I snapped jerking away from him. Hearing those words leave my mouth made me feel bad. I should be happy here, my moms here. She was all I ever needed but now I knew something was missing. I needed to fill the void heck I didn't even know what the void was.

"You were happy the other night darlin'. Don't think I've ever seen you laugh as much" Turning to look at him I shrugged "I had a bottle of tequila in my hand. That pretty much explains everything". "Gotta stop hating on everyone sweets. Holding all that anger and hate inside you ain't good. You need to realise the people that surround you love you and are only looking out for you, making sure you're safe. You shouldn't be caring so much about everything. The girl that walked through those doors a year ago didn't give a shit about anything especially anything here". I knew he was right and I hate myself for agreeing with him. I never used to hate or be angry at anything. I was always happy and carefree. Why did it suddenly bother me, nothing used to bother me because I didn't care. So why did I care so much now. "You're right I shouldn't care. Now if you'll excuse me" I said motioning for him to move so I could close my door. Rolling down my window I popped my sunglasses on and started my engine "I'm going to drown myself in wine. Bye Blaze". Revving my engine I sped out of there.

I wasn't really going to get drunk. I was going to go to the grocery store and then I was going to go home. Pulling up outside the store I frowned, I still hadn't spoke with Nate. I couldn't build up the courage to phone and tell him I couldn't see him anymore, truth was I didn't want to stop seeing him. Why should I sacrifice something that might be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Locking my door I walked through the entrance grabbing a trolley as I did. Making my way round the grocery store I was in a world of my own until someone bumped into the front of my trolley. "Sorry I- Nate?" I gasped little butterflies fluttering in my stomach "How are you?" I blurted out.

"I haven't heard from you. Did I do something wrong?" He asked making me feel even worse. How could he do something wrong? He was perfect. "No you didn't" I whispered unable to look at him. Man I didn't like this feeling at all. "I'm sorry Nate there's just been a lot going on" And there was its not as though I was lying.

"Your face is healing nicely. You back at work yet?" He smiled leaning his arm on the trolley. "Not yet, what about you? I didn't expect you still to be here" I teased. In all honesty I thought he would have left by now, went back to running his company. "Well you see, I met this sweet, caring, beautiful girl and I can't stop thinking about her. Works not a good idea because I can't seem to concentrate". Feeling my cheeks heat up I bit my bottom lip. "Hm I see. Well what are you going do about it? I mean if you can't stop thinking about her" I said playing along. Nate was a great guy, always asked how I was doing, always made sure I was okay. So why should I stop seeing him? "Well that's entirely up to her" He replied

"Does she know?" I smiled "Might be a good idea to tell her you can't stop thinking about her. She may be having the same problem, she might just not have the courage to tell you".