Where I Belong

I was drunk no scratch that I was fucked. Laying on my back I had my legs resting on blazes lap. With my head turned to the side I watched as a girl climbed her way to the top of the pole before wrapping one of her legs around it and spinning to the bottom. "I could totally do that. I would be an awesome stripper". God knows what time it was but the club was empty and there was only the girl on the pole and the other members of staff left.

"You think?" He chuckled rubbing his fingers up and down my legs. "Takes a lot of hard work, think you'd be cut out for the job?".

Sitting up I raised my eyebrows at him " Are you saying I couldn't do it?" I asked removing my legs from his lap and placing my feet on the ground. "You watch and learn" I smirked before sauntering of to where the girl was. "Ava" He called placing his hands on my waist to steady me as I watched mesmerised by what the girl could do. "Maybe doing it when you're sober would be a better idea". Hm he was probably right but I wanted to do it now. "No I want to do it now".

"You want a shot?" The girl smiled as she walked over to us. Grinning from ear to ear I nodded my head. "Blaze doesnt think I'd be a good stripper" I pouted the alcohol well and truly settled in.

"With that body" She whistled "Girl you'd make a fine stripper" Holding her hand out for me to take she pulled me onto the stage. Wobbling slightly I giggled like a little girl. "Its all yours" She grinned taking a stance next to Blaze.

I could do this!! "Music" I yelled snapping my fingers as Usher ft Juicy J came blaring through the speakers. You got this Ava!! Grabbing a hold of the pole I stumbled round it laughing as I did. I don't got this!! Hearing the music dim down I tried to walk my way over to them but tripped over my own feet landing with a thud.

"Told you going up there when your sober is a better idea" He chuckled as he picked me up his hands not leaving my sides.

"You come see me when your sober I'll teach you and don't listen to him you'd make a fine stripper" She winked before heading of in the direction of the bar. "I'm Ava" I yelled as she stopped in her tracks and turned to face me. "I know who you are" She winked "I'm Cookie but you can call me Leila".

"I would have totally nailed that if I wasn't so damn drunk. This is your fault" I laughed throwing myself back into the booth.

"I didn't force you to drink it sweetheart" He smirked nursing what looked like a scotch. Sticking my tongue out at him I placed my legs back over his lap and got comfortable. "I'm investing in one of those poles" I grinned as he chuckled. "Seriously I am I will get the hang of shaking my ass on a pole. Leila will help me". Sitting up I smiled at him "I'd need a stripper name though. I don't think Ava would cut it" I laughed pulling my legs of him and turning so I could rest my head on his lap instead.

"You're a doctor Ava. Why you thinking about stripper names and poles?" He asked.

"Its just a little fun Blaze stop trying to ruin my buzz" I huffed turning my head to the side and grabbing the bottle of tequila. Holding it up I squinted my eyes and shook the bottle, empty. "I'm going for a drink" Smirking at me he gave me a nod of the head. Rolling my eyes I sauntered over to the bar but did a detour looking for the bathroom and ended up in the changing room. Smirking to myself I grabbed the tight belly top that had 'Private Eyes' the name of the club plastered over the chest area. Pulling of my jacket and top I pulled it over my head and down the top half of my body. Feeling my smirk turn into a full on grinn I grabbed the tiny booty shorts that caught my eye.

I could totally be a stripper.

Puffing my hair up I smiled to myself in the full length mirror. Now all I needed was shoes. Glancing around I pursed my lips when I saw a pair of black stilettos sitting on a chair that had 'Candy' written on the back of it. Checking the size I shrugged my shoulders when I noticed they were a size smaller. Giving myself a once over I left the changing room with a sway in my hips. I would show him. Suddenly determination came over me, I felt different. I didn't feel like little Ava that did everything right. I felt naughty and.... I liked it. Giggling to myself I continued on my way back to the main part of the club stopping by the bar to pick up a bottle. I wasn't feeling as drunk as I was but the buzz was still there if it wasn't I wouldn't have the balls to be dressed the way I was. Picking up the remote that lay across the bar I moved so I could see Blaze but he couldn't see me. Pressing power Usher came blaring through the speakers again. Hm perfect song for a strip club. Glancing at Blaze I noticed he'd sat up, glancing around a frown made its way onto his face. Trying not to giggle at his expression I came out from behind the pillar and slowly made my way towards him making sure I added that extra sway to my hips. Watching his mouth fall open I turned the music down a little so I could here myself talk.

"Never underestimate a Mendez" I grinned stopping and placing my hands on my hips. Watching his adams apple bob up and down his eyes scanned over every inch of my body. "Well what do you think?" I asked doing a little twirl "Think I could pull it off?". Watching him swallow he cleared his throat. "Why are you doing this?" He groaned making the smile fall of my face. "God damn Ava you have no idea what you're doing to me right now. You say you don't want me and then you prance your little ass around in my club like that?".

He was right. What the hell was I doing?

Do you know what I was having fun. Screw him and everyone else. I wasn't doing it to get a rise from him. I was doing it because you want him to fuck your brains out on top of that bar over there. Opening the bottle of Tequila I glanced at him before holding the bottle to my lips. "Think that's enough" He called just as the alcohol touched my lips. Bringing the bottle back down I sat it on a near by table. "What was it you said? Oh yeah if this is the last time we get to hang then we're getting fucked. Guess what I'm not fucked yet".

"Ava.." Standing he started to walk towards me slowly.

"Hm fucked such an interesting word with so many different meanings" As he started getting closer I started backing away "So many different meanings" I whispered as my back hit against the edge of the bar. Biting my lip my eyes fell over his body.

"Stop this" He all but growled placing both arms on either side of the bar, my body now trapped. Looking at him through my eyelashes I let my tongue run over my bottom lip "Stop what?" I asked my voice barely a whisper.

"I'm not doing this" He whispered dropping his arms and turning his back on me. Feeling the stab of rejection I pushed myself of the bar so I could grab the tequila from the table. "You don't play fair darlin' you can't just want me because your drunk and needing a good screw. I'm sure pretty boy can take care of that". Laughing I took a long swig from the bottle "So predictable Blaze, you thought you'd bring me here tonight, get me drunk and I'd tell you all my secrets?". Walking over to where the pole sat I grabbed a hold of it and pulled myself up " You wanna screw me Blaze?" I giggled hanging onto the pole "I could dance my ass on your pole".

"Sorry darlin' I didn't bring you here for a fuck"

"Oh really?" I asked my eyes falling to the bulge in his jeans "Could have fooled me". Gripping the pole tigher I let myself fall back before pulling myself back up again. "I think its time I get you home" He said holding out his hand for me to take. Hitting his hand away I turned around and got myself down. "I don't have a home". Feeling my buzz begin to fade I made my way toward the booth. How did I go from being on top of the world to feeling like shit? Taking a seat beside me he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him my head landing on his chest. "What am I going to do with you" He whispered kissing the top of my head. "Let me take you home sweets". Pulling my head of his chest I stood up putting some distance between us. "Or you could be a real man and fuck me on top of the bar?" I grinned sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.

"Stop it" He roared standing up and pulling on both my arms "I'm not going to fuck you heck I'm not even going to touch you. So stop running your dirty mouth. I'm taking you home Ava, god what is up with you?". I was shocked. I had never seen him act like this before. "Okay" I whispered "I need to get my stuff". Walking back to the changing rooms I stopped so I could look at him. Watching him throw a punch at the wall and curse a few times I disappeared inside.

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My buzz was completely gone. I was now sat in the passenger side of his pick up truck not being able to look at the him. The car was filled with tension and it was making me feel uncomfortable. I had never felt uncomfortable in front of Blaze but after the stunt I pulled I was so embarrassed. A few hours ago I was telling him I didn't want him, for him to stay a away from me and then as soon as I get a drop of alcohol I'm asking him to fuck me. What the hell is wrong with me? My head was so screwed up I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Take me to a hotel" I whispered loud enough for him to hear me. He didn't say anything and I was greatful. The rest of the car ride was silent it wasn't until we pulled up outside his house that I broke it. "What are we doing here?" I asked.

At this moment I wanted nothing more than to be alone. The way I acted tonight made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. How could I face him now? One minute I want him the next I don't. And then there was Nate. Sweet and caring Nate. I know the right thing to do was stick to my guns and stay as far away from Blaze as possible but for some strange reason I couldn't seem to do that. No matter how many times he hurt me or how we always seem to fight and argue I just couldn't stop it. Whether it be because he was the first guy I actually spent time with or should I say gave the time of day to or maybe it was because he took my virginity. I honestly didn't know what to do anymore.

"You can stay here for tonight" He said getting out the car leaving no room for any arguments. Following him inside I took a seat on the edge of his couch. I hadn't been back here since the day I stitched him up... because I got him shot. "You take my bed I'll sleep on the couch" He muttered making his way into his room. I have never felt so low than I did right now. How I acted back in the strip club was not me, I didn't do stuff like that. And the drinking. I never used to drink apart from an odd glass of wine with my mom on a Friday night. I was changing and not for the better. I didn't like this person I was turning into. Was it because of the club? Closing my eyes I sat back on the couch. Tomorrow was a new day, tomorrow was the day I put my life back on track. Pulling my legs up I tucked them under my bum and lay my head on the armrest.

"You hungry?" Blaze asked emerging from his room in only a towel. Diverting my gave to the floor I shook my head no. Food was the last thing on my mind right now. I wanted to be alone so I could sort my head out. "You've hardly said more than two words since we left the club. What's wrong with you?" Lifting his smokes from the T. V stand he lit one up.

"Why did you bring me here Blaze?"

"Because I wanted too".

Yeah because that's an answer right enough. "I know you didn't want to go to the clubhouse and I wasn't taking you to a hotel so I brought you here. Its safer here".

"Okay" I whispered

"How's your face?"

"Fine" I shrugged placing my feet on the ground before standing up. "Are you sure its okay for me to have your bed? I could sleep on the couch it doesn't bother me". For some reason I still couldn't look at him. "Still looks swollen. You sure it's healing properly?" He asked

"Don't know, I'll find out in a couple of weeks. I'm really tired so I'm going to go to bed".

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"Some of the club members thought you deserved it. Saying speaking to Franko like that was disrespectful". Maybe I did deserve it I guess running my mouth didn't sit well with him. "Probably did deserve it" I shrugged. "What?" He spat making my head snap up as I caught his movement. Taking a hold of my hand he dragged me to the bathroom in his bedroom only stopping when we were in front of the mirror. "What are you doing?" I sighed finding it hard to look at my reflection. Yes the bruising was fading but it was still horrible to look at.

"Don't ever let me here you say that again" He growled running his fingers gently over my cheek. "Franko was out of line for ever laying a finger on you. No one said anything I lied but why would you say you deserved it? If I had said that to you yesterday you would have ripped my balls off. Where's that Ava went to?".

"Doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore" "Sweets-.."

"I'm sorry for how I acted tonight. It was uncalled for and rest assure it won't happen again. Can I go to bed now?" I didn't want to talk anymore I just wanted to crawl into bed and forget everything for a while. He didn't say anything else he just moved to the side so I could get by.

As the sun began to rise I swung my legs over the bed and got up. I hadn't been to sleep yet, my mind wouldn't let me. I still felt ashamed for how I acted last night. I practically put it on a plate for him and he refused point blank to touch me I didn't get it. I had no idea what had came over me, I wanted away from it all. Moving here had changed me, I was happy back home in Cali. Well happy until... getting rid of those thoughts I grabbed the jumper that was hanging on the door of the bathroom and pulled it over my head. Quietly opening his bedroom door I tip toed through the living room and into the kitchen trying not to wake him. Grabbing a mug from the draining bored I put water in the kettle and waited for it to boil. Emptying two scoops of coffee into the mug I searched through the fridge for milk only to come up empty handed. Hearing the click of the kettle I poured some water into my mug, giving Blaze another glance before I stepped outside. Sitting down on his front step I held my cup in two hands quietly watching the world go by. The area Blaze lived in was quiet and it kind of surprised me. I was expecting more of a rougher neighborhood. Hearing the giggle I couldn't help but smile when I noticed the little girl across the street chasing her little brother around the garden. What it would be like to be a child again. Having no worries, no problems.

"You're up early" Came his rough voice. Jumping slightly I shrugged my shoulders keeping my attention on the little girl. "Damn Ava did you get any sleep at all?" He asked as he stood in front of me blocking my view. "Hate to say this darlin' but you look like shit".

"Haven't slept yet-Hey make your own" I sighed as he took my coffee from me. "You need to sleep sweets and this" he said raising the cup "Won't help you" lifting the cup to his lips he made a face before forcing it down his throat "Fuck that's rank. Seriously Ava you need to sleep" Coming to sit beside me he poured my coffee onto the grass before throwing his arm around my shoulders. Leaning forward I placed my head on my knees the feel of him playing with my hair had my eyes fluttering closed. "I shouldn't have came back here" I whispered "I don't like this person I'm turning into which is why I'm going to look for an apartment today maybe a couple of towns over".

"Or you could have my house. Its not like I live in it".

"Thanks but no thanks. I need to get my own space away from it all and that's what I plan on doing. I need some me time, away from everyone. Sort my head out and get my life back on track. Heck I remember when my only worry was getting my degree, now look at me" I laughed

"There's nothing wrong with a little change sweets. Sometimes change is a good thing" Letting his arm fall he perched his elbows onto his knees "About last night-.."

"Please don't" I cringed cutting him off. I didn't want to talk about last night.. ever. "I was just going to say your stripper name should be sweets". I couldn't help the small laugh that fell from my lips. Turning my head so I could look at him I noticed the smirk on his face "I can't believe I tried to dance on a pole" I groaned covering my face with my hand. Hearing him laugh I couldn't stop my own from erupting "Why did you let me get up there?".

"If I recall I tried to stop you but just for the record you'd make a fine ass stripper" Standing he stretched his arms above his head a yawn escaping his mouth "You hungry?