Way of the Wolf: Redemption

By the time the hunters returned, I could name every item in Sol's box and what it was for. He was going to have me attempt to make ink by myself, with his supervision. Only a small part of me was annoyed with how much I'd enjoyed myself. I liked learning something knew.

The Beta looked surprised when he found me sitting with Sol pouring over the contents. My smile fell a little at how relieved I felt to see him. Why was I happy to see the male that had kept me captive?

"Has she behaved?" he asked Sol, studying me.

"She has, very well. I'm going to teach her to tattoo. Maybe one day she'll be adding another to your skin," Sol replied. He turned the box back to him and began to pack everything away, sliding it back under the table. "Alpha Jakkon wants to speak to you about an incident that happened while you were gone."

My head lowered as I remembered how much some of the pack wanted me gone. It shouldn't have bothered me, I didn't want to be here either, but for some reason it hurt. Rejection was something I should have been good at facing.

"I thought you said she behaved," Bjarke said warily, fixing me with a stern look.

I dared to glare up at him for his assumption, my voice coming out a growl, "Would you believe me if I said I was innocent of any wrong doing?"

He stared at me for a while longer before nodding slowly, bowing his head in apology. I folded my arms, irritation making my skin prickle. I wanted to shift into fur and rage at whatever was closest until I felt better. This male had ruined my good mood.

"What happened then?" He inquired, turning to face Sol.

The old male sat back and jerked his head towards the pack. "Hagan and a few other thought without you to protect her, they might run her off."

The Beta stiffened, his eyes flashing from their usual warm brown to that odd, almost red colour. His fury tumbled off him in waves that beat against me and riled up my wolf.

"I need those herbs," I grumbled, sure I was seconds away from losing control.

"No you don't. I'm going to speak to Jakkon. Stay here until I come back for you." He turned on his heel and marched off, leaving me trembling at the table.

Of course he'd know I was lying and simply looking for the escape the herbs would give me. It was as if he could read my thoughts, he knew how I was feeling before I did. I watched the way he walked with his head held high towards his Alpha and the wolves that awaited his judgement cowered away.

"What will he do to those wolves?" I whispered, sensing his fury even from where I sat.

Sol looked over too, tipping his head as if trying to hear what was being said. "They dared to try and harm you. He'll show them how he defends what's his."

"I'm not his," I rebuffed sharply.

"A slip of the tongue," he excused with a wave of his hand. "He's been charged with your care is all I mean and they've challenged him by trying to get to you."

I shook my head and turned my attention back to the Beta. Was that how they all saw me? As belonging to him? A gift, or curse rather, given to their Beta.

The Alpha was speaking to him now and though I could only see his back, I knew he was growing ever more angry. Muscles were tensed and when Alpha Jakkon finished speaking, he shifted into his fur.

Turning away, I felt queasy with the smell of violence in the air. I didn't want to see or hear the lesson being taught. The bench creaked as Sol stood, staff in one hand, the other held out for me.

"Have you seen inside the hall?" he asked with a gentle smile.

I shook my head and took his hand, eager to get away. The sounds of snarling started and I couldn't resist a quick glance. I looked long enough to understand why Bjarke was Beta, warrior, and hunter, before Sol helped me up the few steps to the doors of the hall. Those wolves wouldn't forget how Bjarke defended what was his, and a small part of me felt grateful for that. Nobody had fought for me the way he was now, not when he wasn't using my body in return for his protection.

I stepped painfully up the last step of the hall and I was glad that Sol was stronger than he looked to help me. They were open now, sunlight streaming in through windows but it still didn't quite light up the whole room. It was bigger than I thought and with the back end hidden in shadow, it looked like it stretched on deep into the mountain.

Long benches and tables stretched the span of the room. There was a massive firepit but I could tell it hadn't been lit since we'd arrived. It was still more beautiful than the horrid structures humans built. There didn't seem to be an inch of wall that didn't have something carved into it, old shields and spears hanging from the rafters, but that wasn't what the old male wanted to show me.

The back of the hall was steeped in darkness that my eyes couldn't pierce and I hesitated at its edge. A cold draft blew with the faintest sound of a wolf's howl. I stumbled back, almost crumpling when I jarred my leg. Pain exploded through me and I sucked in a sharp breath.

I stared into the dark, straining to hear that sound again as I straightened up.

Sol chuckled and took my hand again, helping me steady myself. "You have nothing fear of the dead singing, pup."

"The dead?" I repeated, voice choked and terrified.

He gave me a sly smile but gave no explanation for his words. A shiver went up my spine and I numbly allowed him to lead me over to the wall. He pressed my hand against the wood and stepped back.

"Keeps your hand on the wall and walk forward," he instructed.

Confusion filled me but a slight twitch of the staff he held and I took my first step. Fear curled around me but I was too old to be afraid of the dark, at least that's what I told myself. I used the wall to take a bit of my weight and made my slowly forward. The next step had me gasping at how cold the floor was and my brow creased in concentration. I slid my hand forward a little, feeling the bumps of wood, and then it changed. The wall was smooth here, and cold like stone. Sweeping my foot in front of me confirmed my suspicion.

"It's a cave," I said, looking back to see Sol now holding a flaming torch. There was magic in the air again and suddenly I felt a little less safe.

He held the only source of light out for me to take. "You should look around. Much of our ancient history has been recorded in here."

The howling started up again, a blast of cold air making the fire flicker and cast long shadows across the ground. There had to be a tunnel somewhere too, that was the sound. It wasn't the howl of dead wolves, but the howl of the wind cutting through massages in the massive cave.

"I don't want to." Taking a step back, I was blocked by him. Every instinct screamed at me to turn and flee, to not take one more step into the dark where anything could be waiting for me.

"Why?" he asked, still holding the torch out for me as if he knew I'd take it.

I didn't know how to explain why I didn't want to. It was just a feeling I got that whatever was in there would reveal something I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Why else would he lead me here? He and Signy were both calculating and careful with every action and word so I knew this held some unknown significance.

Looking between the door and the torch, my fingers twitched to take the torch from him. Grown wolves weren't afraid of the dark, I reminded myself.

The heat from the flame scorched my cheek so I raised it higher as I turned back to the cave. At first I still couldn't really see anything and that had me hesitating again. A firm hand on my back forced me to take another step. Both feet were now on cold stone, grit and pebbled digging into the soles of my feet. There was a shadow not too far away that didn't flicker like the others did, maybe it wasn't a shadow at all but a thing.

"I'm right here. Keep going," Sol urged.

In all honesty, the feel of him standing behind me was putting me in edge. I hated having someone at my back, especially a male. Limping forward, my eyes strained to make out what the shape was but I'd have to leave the safety of the wall. Sweeping in front of me with my foot to make sure there was nothing in my way, I kept going, taking a deep breath as I pushed away from the safety and comfort of the wall.

The closer I got, the more certain I was that this thing was a creature. It was vaguely person shaped, coming up to my shoulders at least. The flames flickered again and this time the breeze was like a brush of cold fingers over my cheek. My whimper bounced off the walls and fear made me scramble on my way quicker. My toe bumped against something cold and when I moved the torch, it lit up a grey face. I screamed, my grip slipping but I managed to keep myself from dropping my only source of light.

With shaky hands, I forced myself to peel open my eyes.

It was a face; at least, it was the carving of one. A statue of a pup set on stone alongside only a few others. I dared to take a closer look at the females face. This was a young pup of only a handful of years. It was hard to tell an exact age. For a split second, I had the strange sensation I was looking in a mirror. The pup's eyes were undetailed, a stony grey like the rest of her that made her look sad. Sad and lonely.

I traced her features with a finger, amazed by how smooth and perfectly made this was. Despite knowing what this place held was merely more stone, the uneasy feeling in my soul only got worse. So many unseeing eyes stared straight ahead, pups, adults, all lined up against the opposite wall like immortal sentries guarding the cave.

"Who are these wolves?" I breathed, my breath clouding in front of me.

"Lost souls. Wolves that disappeared and were never found again. We carve their likeness so that when the Goddess of death finds them, she knows who they are and we remember them," Sol explained gravely, his voice distant as if he too was one of the voices I could hear on the breeze. "You stand before Freydis-"

An unhappy rumble cut him off and I whipped around to see a shadow blocking the door of the hall. Blood tainted the air and an angry Beta wolf stormed toward us.

"What are you doing, Sol?" His voice was low and dangerous but Sol only smiled and Bjarke visibly bristled. "You and Signy are playing a dangerous game, old wolf. Come. . ."

When he trailed off, I knew it was because he had nothing to call me by. No name to use to summon me. I was more than happy to drop the torch and quickly hobble my way to the Beta's side. This place terrified me, a place of the lost and gone. The Beta gave Sol a disapproving look and ignored my protests as he lifted me into his arms.

"What game are they playing?" I mumbled, wriggling in his arms as he carried me out. "Why are you all keeping secrets from me? Why did he want to show me that?"

"We aren't keeping secrets from you," he disagreed, but he couldn't look at me and said nothing in answer to the rest of my questions.

I redoubled my efforts to get out of his arms, snarling when he only tightened his grip and stopped walking to glare down at me. His eyes flashed with his wolf, a silent order for me to submit but I wouldn't.

"You told me to trust you. All of you. How can I do that when you all speak in riddles with pointed looks and strange questions for me that only answer things for you and confuse me more!" I thumped at his chest, whole body trembling. "I want to leave. I don't want to be here. I don't like the way the pack looks at me and talks about me."

The Beta let me go when I managed to rake my claws over his chest and I hit the ground on my side. The air was knocked from my lungs, head spinning, and I tried to shove myself up but there was no strength left in me. Instead I curled up on the ground, fighting back tears and the shuddering of my body. I felt his presence as he crouched next to me but when he rubbed his fingers through my hair, I turned with snapping fangs. Blood spilled against my lips as I hit my mark yet again and the next shudder of skin was my wolf trying to break free.

Instincts and fear won out.

I screamed as bones began to shift. Fire encompassed me, my body too weak to fully change forms and another round of cries and whimpers slipped from my lips when bones snapped back into place of my skin once more. The Beta made that rumbling sound, his hands stroking over my body as if brushing my fur away. I went limp next to him, panting hard as my wolf settled at his touch.

I'd made a spectacle of myself for the pack to see again. Despite having sliced into his chest and hand, the Beta still only wanted to help me. When I'd calmed down, breathing normally once more, he lifted me up and this time headed in the direction of his den.

It was warm inside, warmer still when he laid me on the blankets and tucked the furs all around me. Enveloped in darkness, I finally released the tension that held my body rigid. Stroking my fingers over the pelts beneath me, I took greedy inhales of the mixed scents of the Beta and me.

"I'll bring your food here. We'll try getting you to eat with the pack again tomorrow," the male murmured gently, patting my rump. "You overexerted yourself today. Sleep."

"I want the herbs," I called out, peeking above the edge of my burrow so I could see his back.

He looked over and shook his head. "But you don't need them. Sleep."

A pathetic whine and show of tears didn't persuade him otherwise and I threw myself away from him, hiding myself once more. He only chuckled at me, amused by my antics. When I heard him leave, I closed my eyes to whisper into the dark something I'd been praying for as long as I could remember. "Please don't let me wake up again."

But I did wake again, to the smell of food and the sound of a crackling fire. I stared numbly at the dark, not all swayed to leave the burrow to eat even though my stomach was screaming. It wouldn't take long for a she-wolf as far gone as I was to die of starvation.

"Those wolves won't bother you again, you won't have to face anymore teeth. I brought you food, there's even some cheese. Come sit with me."

How did he know I was awake? While I wasn't sure I knew what cheese was, for some reason I was tempted to look but all I could manage was to roll over. Shuffling and steps, then the furs were slowly removed until I was hit with fresh air. The male that had taken me in looked weary, even as he smiled and pushed sweat damp hair away from my forehead.

I looked past him to the fire where there was so much food, half the pack must have been going hungry tonight. And he'd claimed it all for me. A deep inhale and I could smell meat and bread, there was vegetables too, and a basket of apples that I knew were his favourite.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered, trying to tug the furs from his grip.

He sighed heavily, his features tensing. "You're starving. I won't allow you to waste away."

When he grabbed my arm, I swiped sharp talons at him but he was ready for me this time. He pinned me to his bed, growling near my face and I reacted without thinking. Too many males had thought to pin me this way so they could take what they wanted of my body. This one had been stupid enough to leave his weakness within my reach. I brought my knee up, hitting him between his legs.

"For fucks sake, Freydis!" he snapped, agony contorting his face as he rolled onto his back next to me, cupping himself.

I froze, hands still by my head where he'd pinned them. Freydis. He'd called me Freydis.

Both of us panted, unmoving. At least we now had the chance to cool off. The Beta's anger slowly dissipated and I almost felt bad for how I'd treated him. Maybe the pack and been right when they'd called me feral but I couldn't help it. I had a bad reaction to being pinned down. He knew that now.

Sitting up, his weight left my legs and he muttered to himself before going back to sitting by the fire. I watched him out of the corner of my eye for a while, unused to and disliking the sad slope to his shoulders. Getting up, I crawled over to the fire and sat cross legged beside him but I couldn't quite voice an apology. He didn't acknowledge me and I knew I'd upset him more than I thought I'd be capable of.

Tentatively, I reached out for food, eyes on him in case he decided I was no longer deserving of the bounty he'd brought for me. When he didn't make a move to stop me, I filled my plate with the same foods that were on his. Like a pup, I copied him, desperate for his approval so I could have his forgiveness. Whatever he took next to eat, I took too.

"Why would you call me the name of a dead pup?" My voice came out husky and parched and the Beta immediately poured me a drink; always so in tune with my needs.

"It is the name Signy chose for you," he replied cryptically. "We can't keep referring to you as the feral female."

At first, I bared teeth in annoyance. Then I saw the slight curve to his lips and realised he was teasing me. It still didn't answer my question though. Sol had shown me the cave for a reason. The Alpha Female had wanted to speak to my captor alone for a reason. The Alpha was angry and falling out with his mate for a reason. And I knew, somehow, that reason was me.

"Has she given me that name because I'm a lost soul?" The words tasted bitter on my tongue and the Beta frowned.

"That's why Sol showed me the cave isn't it?" I continued. "Because I'm lost too."

"You're not lost anymore," he said quietly, and that was all he was willing to give.

I pondered on that for a while. It felt unlucky to be given the name of a dead she-wolf but at the same time, I couldn't help but smile. I had a name now. Something of my own, even if it was borrowed, that nobody could take away from me. It made me wonder once more if the female who bore me had bothered to give me a name. Valdis assured me that my mother couldn't have been a female of power, that she couldn't have loved me if she hadn't bothered coming to find me.

Thinking about where I came from was never a good idea. It made my heart ache. I pushed my food away.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," I mumbled before taking a small sip of water. Had I ever apologised for anything before? If I hadn't, did that make me a bad person?

The Beta held up his hand that he must bandaged up while I slept and chuckled. "I've had worse injuries from angry females."

That made me frown and I wasn't sure why. Shifting, I stretched out my leg. Pain was coming back full force but I wasn't ready to find sleep to escape it.

"Did you try the cheese?" He leaned over to pick up a plate and I was too embarrassed to admit I hadn't because I wasn't sure what it was.

I leaned in to sniff at the plate and was pleasantly surprised by its scent. He tore a small piece off for me and held it up to my lips. Still unsure, I flicked my tongue out to taste and the Beta chuckled again. "Just eat it."

My teeth grazed his fingers as I took it and I chewed slowly before grinning. It was one of the most delicious things I'd ever eaten before and I grinned up at him. He grinned too and offered another bit. My portions of food were still small, nothing compared to how much this male ate, and I think he forgot that. I didn't want to seem rude though and ate the next bit too.

We stayed up long into the night as he got me to try a bit of everything in offer. He told me about how the hunt went, that they were going to start tracking deer and boar, even reindeer further north, so they could return with yet another bounty for Winter. He made it all sound so beautiful and magical, especially when he began to describe the Yule celebrations that would take hold in the hall.

If I stayed, I could be a part of all that. I could know a winter where I didn't need to fear if I survived. Looking over at my protector, I smiled to myself. I decided I know longer wished any god to curse him.