Way of the Wolf: Redemption

TRIGGER WARNING

This one is going to be really rough. Feel free to skip it if you struggle.

Bjarke burst through the door to our den so hard it almost came flying off the hinges. Wood groaned in protest but he didn't seem to care as he carried me inside. I clung onto his shoulders with all my strength even as he attempted to lay me down on our furs.

"Lie down, love. It's okay. Everything will be okay," he promised, his tone low and soothing.

Nodding numbly, I uncurled myself from him, hating that my nails had left crescent marks on his skin. As soon as I was settled he quickly peeled my dress from me and tossed it towards the firepit. It was ruined. All it was good for now was to burning. Signy quickly set about lighting the fire but I still had to look away when she tossed the dress in. My first ever dress.

"Are you with me?"

Bjarke's voice drew my gaze back to him but his face was blurry. I wasn't sure if it was because of the tears that filled my eyes or because I'd lost too much blood. I nodded again anyway, searching his gaze.

"This is my fault," I breathed out, shaking my head and turning away from my mate even as pain grasped me tight, a band of fire wrapping around my belly. "I slipped and now I'm losing him."

"You're not losing him," Signy argued, coming back to my side to clasp my hand in hers. "He's just coming a little early."

"But the blood. . ." I looked down at my legs that were smeared with red.

My breathing became ragged, but no matter how I inhaled, my lungs refused to accept any air. The world kept spinning and dancing, bright sparks flashing in my vision. I tried to argue as hands pushed on my shoulders to get me to lie down. I didn't want to get any more blood on the furs but my tongue wouldn't work and a crushing stole my ability to so much as think.

Bjarke moved away and my hand flew out to grab him but I only caught air. Dropping my hand to my belly, I rubbed over it, screaming out words of frustration. There was a hardness to my belly that I knew meant Signy was right. My labour had started early. The pup was coming now. But I was right too; it was too soon for him to come out. How would he survive?

Gritting my teeth together, I felt oddly disconnected during the next contraction. With my mother knelt between my thighs, something Katrin told me came to my thought. Modesty had gone out the window indeed. But what God would be so cruel as to make me go through this now?

"Drink this, my female," my mate urged, reappearing beside me.

His hand cupped the back of my head to tilt it up. Whatever liquid sloshed out of the mug was warm but bitter and I choked as it burnt down my throat. I tried to turn my head away but Bjarke forced me to keep drinking until it was finished.

"She might not be able to keep it down," Signy warned. One of her hands was on my thigh, the other pressing low on my belly.

"She will," he answered sternly, his voice almost unintelligible through the growls that sounded from his chest. "Madden said if this happened, she had to. It could save their lives."

They knew this might happen? And they never told me. They had all lied and promised my pup wouldn't die, yet they'd had a plan in place all along.

A contraction that felt like a hot poker being dragged through my insides and I screamed, something instinctual making me bear down. My hand found Bjarke's and squeezed, everything in my body shuddering before I felt the dark close in and my head fell back with exhaustion. I'd never known pain like this. Something dark was eating away at my heart and a small part of me wanted to die alongside my pup.

The hand around mine was still tight, keeping me anchored, and I tried to squeeze back but suddenly nothing would work. Rasping breaths filled the air, were they my own? I could hear panicked voices, a hand between my legs feeling for something. I tried to open my eyes when I could make out my name being repeated over and over again alongside sharp pinches to my shoulder. My eyes fluttered before finally focusing and I could see my mate's face, blurry but determined. He helped me sit up slightly and slid behind me so my back was propped up against his chest.

There was still no sign of Madden but I could make out my mother still kneeling in front of me, her arms covered in red. Green eyes seemed too bright as she gave me an encouraging smile like nothing was wrong.

"Your pup's coming, Freydis. You need to stay here with is, you need to push him out," she ordered, her words firm, digging into my wolf.

It didn't matter how much I was willed to obey though, I could barely keep my eyes open. A choked sob spluttered up and I shook my head, turning it away so I couldn't see what was happening. I couldn't give birth to my pup if he was gone. I didn't want to.

Strong fingers gripped my jaw and forced my head back, hot breath fanning over my ear. My mate growled against my back. "I won't lose both of you. You don't get to leave me here alone. We do this together."

And there it was. Without words he'd told me all I needed to know. This wasn't right. This was all wrong, and without Madden here, who knew what the outcome would be. Fingers slid from my jaw to take my hand as if he knew I was fighting off the pain of another contraction. My body hunched forward and the groan didn't sound like it came from me as my skin beaded with sweat.

"You need to push, my mate. He needs to come out so he can take his first breath," Bjarke encouraged, keeping his body close to mine.

I shook my head no even as I obeyed, my teeth grinding together until a burning, tearing pain shot through me. Another flush of blood drenched everything beneath me. I felt it, hot and wet against my skin but still Bjarke wouldn't let me fall back.

I wasn't allowed to give up now.

"Again. His head is almost out. You're doing well, keep going." My mother's eyes bored into mine and I sucked in a shuddering breath. Even if it was only for my mate whose strength was flowing through the bond, I would make myself do this last thing.

I prayed to Freyja to give me the strength to keeping going for my mother and my mate, and to Hel to keep my pup's soul safe, even though the gods had never listened before. I sobbed my way through the next contraction, a ringing in my ears deafening me. My throat was raw from screaming, my skin clammy, everything hurt.

There was barley a chance for me to take a breath before I had to push again and I fought to stay conscious with every fibre of my being. I cried out, cursing and screaming, begging for help. My mate was still whispering by my hear but I couldn't make out what he was saying. The vibration of him speaking against my back was all the comfort I needed right now anyway.

Madden rushed in then, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Where the fuck have you been?" my mate roared and I had the feeling he'd have attacked if his body wasn't the only thing keeping me up.

"I came as quickly as I could, Beta. I'm here now. You will keep control."

Unlike with Dirk, Bjarke didn't posture. There was no time and he knew it. Instead he bowed his head and let the healer get to work. Madden tore open his bag and came towards me, offering a smile, not blinking or giving the blood a second glance. I was sure he'd seen it all before, perhaps even worse. Maybe that smile meant there was hope. . .or at least that was what he wanted me to think.

He let Signy keep control while he quickly ground herbs that he dropped into water. While he did so, he spoke to me. Instructing us all on what we needed to do.

Another push. Another. They kept demanding more of my body than I could handle. The healer made me drink something else, most of which I coughed back up. Signy moved to let Madden take over and his expression gave absolutely nothing away. There was a steel behind his eyes that immediately caught my attention and a little clarity returned.

"We're going to stop for just a second," he told me as Bjarke rubbed my side.

I nodded gratefully and copies the healer as he breathed with me. In through my nose, filling up my chest, then slowly out through my mouth. But then he asked me to push again and all I could do was cry. They couldn't make me. And I couldn't find any more strength. Nobody argued with me though. They all knew instincts would take over with the next contraction and I'd push whether I wanted to or not.

And they were right. My body took over, using up the last of my energy to give birth to my son.

I felt my grip on reality slip as soon as he was out. I felt my body go numb as I went limp against my mate. And I watched Madden pick up the still and quiet pup. He was tiny, eyes closed, one little hand curled in a fist.

Whatever my mate was whispering fell on deaf ears. I tried to lift my hand, reaching out to brush my fingers over my son's blood covered cheek but he was whisked quickly out of my reach. Madden gave the pup to Signy, whispering something by her ear that had her quickly nodding and wrapping the pup up in a blanket.

I whimpered, struggling to push myself up but an arm around me kept me still. The protective instincts of a mother-wolf pushed me on. I just wanted to hold him. Just once before I had to say goodbye. What right did any of them have to keep me from him?

"I'm sorry," I whispered, watching the Signy rub vigorously at the pups back while Madden still worked between my legs.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," my Beta promised. But I could hear the tension in his voice, I heard the crack that told me he was barely holding it together.

Energy drained, grief clawing at my control, I was prepared to say my own goodbyes but just like my pup, I never got the chance. Tears spilled freely down my cheeks and I didn't fight the darkness when it came for me this time.