Way of the Wolf: Redemption

I was running through the same forest that always appeared in my dreams. Something was chasing me. Something big and dark that smelt of death and rot. It had fear coiling around my body and panic kept me running. As always, the shape eventually catches up. A pup was no match for whatever the creature was.

A young male voice called a name I should have recognised, fear coating its tone. I kept running, beginning to feel icy breath on the back of my neck. There was a flash of a face that was maybe once known to me but the darkness kept coming. Arms around my waist, sharp pain slicing down my throat. Suddenly the ground disappeared from beneath my feet and I was falling.

A splash, my body sunk deep beneath rushing water. I flailed, opening my mouth to take a breath but all the filled my lungs was more water. My chest burned, panic forcing me to take another gulp of ice that felt like fire in my veins. I was going to die and I screamed.

My eyes flew open, fear clinging to me when I felt how raw my throat was. A face was looking down at me and I struggled, fighting against the hands that had mine pinned by my head. A sharp inhale brought familiar scents to me and as panic receded, the Beta's face came into focus. I stopped thrashing to go limp, panting hard, trying to convince myself there was air to breathe.

Slowly the weight came off me and the Beta sat up. My eyes zeroed in on the scratches that crisscrossed his chest and I choked at the reality of what I'd done. Yet he didn't look angry, if anything he looked terrified. I pulled my legs to my chest, sitting up too while trying to make myself as small as possible.

"You had a dream like that the first night. Was it the same one?" His tone was gentle as he settled beside me again.

I turned my head away from him, resting my chin on my knee. "Yes."

"I can't help if you don't talk to me, Freydis," he said, brushing hair away from my face.

Closing my eyes, a little tension melted away at his touch. I decided to lie back down too, tucking one of the furs beneath my chin. Shifting so we were face to face, he waited calmly for me to gather my thoughts. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Something told me if he knew what memories took over my sleep, it would change things between us even though I had no reason to believe such a thing.

"It's just a dream. It doesn't mean anything," I mumbled.

He gave a sad smile at my lie but he nodded anyway. I watched as he settled down to sleep again, waiting until his breathing evened out. There was no urge to bury myself in the dark, I was entranced by the male in front of me. I reached out hesitantly to trace my fingers over the tattoos that crept up his shoulder. His skin twitched beneath my touch, a small murmur slipping from his lips.

I knew every inch of him by sight now. Every rune, symbol, animal and swirl, like a map of his life in his skin only I couldn't understand it all. That urge to see how the tattoos were done rose again. I was pack now and they wanted me to contribute. But what could I contribute? I couldn't hunt, not until Madden deemed me fit enough, I couldn't sew, or use a loom, I was messy at skinning animals. Each wolf seemed to have something they were particularly good at. What did I have?

Sol had offered me a place with him. Could I get over my wariness of him to do something I felt I'd enjoy? The thought of one day adding a tattoo to the sleeping Beta had my wolf puffing up inside. I wanted to be able to do that for him, but that want also terrified me.

I rolled over, giving my back to the male who was changing who I thought I was. I'd kissed him. I'd kissed him and wanted so much more. A smile crept to my face when I replayed the moment he'd pledged himself to me in front of the pack. I hadn't really understood it at first, I wasn't sure what I was doing when I'd accepted him, but when he'd stuck by my side throughout the stress of meeting so many unknown wolves, I began to understand.

Voices from outside drew my attention from my thoughts. Carefully, so as not to wake Bjarke, I climbed out of the furs. Anything was better than being stuck here being tortured by my own thoughts.

The crunch of footsteps moved past the hut, the voices fading away as they headed in the direction of the heart of the camp. I'd slept longer than I thought if wolves were beginning to get up. Slipping on my dress, I opened the door slowly, cringing as it creaked. The Beta stirred but didn't wake.

The sky was only just beginning to lighten and the sun was still hidden behind the mountains standing guard. I frowned, certain that it was far too early for anyone to be moving around.

I followed the path and the voices until I could see who it was, surprised by my own brazenness. Alpha Jakkon was talking with Sol quietly by the main fire. They stopped when they heard my approach, both turning to look at me.

"You're still an early riser," the Alpha noted with a chuckle.

"I heard you talking," I murmured, hovering awkwardly.

He smiled a little easier at me now, motioning for me to take the spot beside him. Sol watched me as I hesitated, and his presence only made me want to prove myself more, so I took a seat and kept my head down.

"I have the feeling it wasn't our talking that woke you up. You look shaken." The Alpha reached out for me but I flinched away from his touch. He dropped his hand and bowed his head, respecting my boundaries.

As I looked into blue eyes, I found I did want to talk to him. I wanted to spill everything, to tell him about my nightmares and fears. This male had terrified me at first but there was something softer about him now. I could tell he wanted to offer comfort too. He reached out for me again, this time to pat my lap and that small action had my chest warming. He'd lost his daughter and his mate had given me her name, I wondered how he felt about that.

"My son returns soon with his mate. They'll be surprised to see how far you've come I'm sure," Alpha Jakkon said. "Sol is going to collect some berries so that he can finish Orin's tattoos, why don't you go with him."

My gaze flicked over to the older male with watchful green eyes. In a moment of bravery, I straightened my shoulders and nodded. Sol swung his staff out and hoisted himself to his feet, giving me a wink. "There's nothing better for a restless mind than spending some time working in nature."

Clenching my jaw a little, I feared I wouldn't last long alone with Sol. His endless riddles and knowing looks set me on edge. At least this time, I'd make sure not let him convince me to step into any caves. Before we could go, I spun back to the Alpha.

"Will you let Bjarke know where I've gone when he wakes?"

He narrowed his eyes, studying me closely before nodding his head. Was the Alpha upset with Bjarke?

"I'll let my Beta know," he agreed, standing too.

As I turned, the Alpha made an odd strangled sound and grabbed my arm tight. His eyes were locked onto exposed skin where my dress had fallen from my shoulder. The fire lit up that side of my body and I began to panic when he wouldn't let me go, his grip tightening until it was almost painful. Rough fingers brushed over my shoulder and I twisted my neck to see what he was looking at.

"This scar, how did you get it?" he demanded, wide eyes moving back to my face. "When did you get it."

I struggled in his grip, shaking my head. "I don't know! I can't remember."

Sol placed his hand on top of the Alpha's, perhaps to remind him he was holding me. The male stumbled back and as he did, Signy appeared behind him, pulling her mate into her arms.

Sol guided me back, whispering for me to come with him now. I gasped when the Alpha Female lifted her hand and her mate made no move to defend himself. The crack of her hand against his cheek sounded like the strike of lightening and I could smell the fury that came from her.

My mouth was hanging open as Sol dragged me further away. I touched the scar on my shoulder, unsure of its significance. It wasn't the only scar I had. There were so many, I genuinely couldn't count them nor remember how I got each one. The Alpha listened with his eyes downcast, submitting to his furious female who whispered harshly by his ear.

Confusion filled me as I watched them both but Sol was doing his best to keep me away from them. A woven basket was thrust into my hands, taking me by surprise. When I looked questioningly at it, he shoved me in the direction of the forest. I began to protest but a swift whack of the staff against my calf and I obeyed. I gave him a flash of my fangs and kept enough space between us that he couldn't do that again.

"They don't need you eavesdropping, pup. Come along now and we might get back in time for breakfast," he ordered.

I huffed but relented. He had a point, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to know what the Alpha pair were fighting about. I'd never seen a female raise her hand to a male like that, and I'd definitely never seen a dominant male submit to his mate. Though I was sure, if there had been more than just Sol and I watching, they wouldn't have acted like that. Jakkon would have punished his mate if she'd disrespected him for all to see. He was still The Alpha.

My thoughts twisted and turned until I lost track of where I was. Sol chuckled and pointed out the berries I needed to pick, gaining my attention. "Keep the different kinds separate. They aren't all for us."

I crouched down and started filling the basket, noting that there were partitions. Sol stood and watched which got on my nerves. I should have known he only wanted a slave rather than a helper. He was happy to let me do all the work.

"Who else are they for?" I asked, standing slowly to stretch out my leg. It ached something awful today.

"Wulf makes drinks, some of the berries are for him," he explained, his lips twitching when I couldn't help but laugh at the name. Wulf's parents had a sense of humour.

"Some are for Madden too," he continued, watching me. "Try not to touch those leaves."

Jaw clenched, I released the leaf I was holding out of the way to reach the berries and narrowed my eyes at the old male who was having too much fun. He came over and motioned for me to lift my hand up. My fingers were already beginning to sting and burn by the time Sol uncorked his wineskin bag to pour water over my hand.

"You could have warned me before I touched it," I grumbled, rubbing my fingers together. The water helped.

"My eyes aren't what they used to be. Sometimes plants all looks the same to me," he replied but there was a smug note to what he said.

Picking the basket up again, we walked side by side for a bit. "I suppose you're still looking for an assistant then. . ."

Sol's eyebrow quirked up and he nodded. "I suppose I am."

"Would you be willing to give me a chance?" I inquired, stopping to pick more berries, this time being more careful of exactly what I was touching.

"Do you think you'd be able to put up with me?" he jested, swinging out with that damned staff.

I skipped out of the way and grinned. "You're not so bad, old wolf. I think I can handle you."

A rustle further off had the grin slipping from my face, all defensive instincts firing up. Sol placed a hand on my shoulder and urged me to start walking again.

"You've nothing to fear out here with me. Those wolves ran, and though I'm sure they'll come back, the patrols will alert us when they do. The worse thing you'll need to face today is that Beta of yours," Sol assured me.

I glanced at him with a frown. The Beta was hardly mine. But he was definitely as terrifying as the wolves. He was confusion wrapped in uncertainty. I did need to face him today but I had no idea how to go about it. Frowning, I shifted the basket on my arm.

"You know. . .I'm sure other females in the pack have had problems with males. They could probably help you." A gentle suggestion that piqued my interest. This male saw a lot.

Katrin and Aljana were the only females I really knew, except Alpha Female Signy but for some reason I didn't want to ask her about such things. Was I really going to take his advice?

A gentle tap of the staff got me moving again and I resigned to spending the rest of the morning needing to avoid the damned thing.

My hands were stained a dark blue from the berries I sat crushing in a deep bowl. Blowing a stray strand of hair from my face, I sat back to give myself a break. My shoulders and back were aching but I knew if I showed I was wearing myself out, somebody would get Bjarke and he'd make me rest. I didn't want to rest anymore. Maybe if the Beta thought I was doing better, he wouldn't hold himself back.

Ever since I'd sat to work, my thoughts always circled around to him and the kiss we'd shared. He felt he was taking advantage but wasn't it my choice to make? I wanted to have him because it was a choice I could make. He'd be the first male to have me with my permission.

I'd been all for asking my only friend in the pack for her advice but Wulf was sat with us too and I didn't want male ears to hear. He did look like he was paying more attention to the drink he was making than anything being said around him but I couldn't be sure.

Katrin passed me a mug of water and a cloth to wipe my hands with. "That's the hundredth time you've gotten that look on your face."

"What look?" I mumbled, washing my hands. They were still stained blue even after scrubbing at them.

Katrin gave me a knowing smile, putting the dress she was stitching down on the table to lean in close. I met her gaze and shifted, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. Still she said nothing, her smile turning to a smirk and I found myself blurting out what had happened without her needing to say a word.

"I kissed Bjarke," I rushed, keeping my voice low but not low enough because Wulf's yellow eyes lifted to mine.

"Did he kiss you back?" she asked, grin staying place.

I nodded, suddenly glad Bjarke was off training some of the younger wolves.

"And?" She slapped the table, gaining my attention again. Even Wulf seemed invested in whatever I was going to say.

"I thought we were going to do more. Then he pushed me away. He started going on about not wanting to hurt me or rush me, or have me regret anything," I explained, feeling the ache of rejection all over again. "I thought he wanted me. I was foolish to think so. What would he want with a female like me?"

Katrin rolled her eyes as Wulf chuckled and went back to working on his mead. Standing, she walked around the table to sit beside me and take my hands in hers.

"You're not foolish. And why wouldn't he want a female like you? Bjarke likes a challenge, and a beautiful female, you give him both," she told me.

I snorted. A challenge I most definitely was, beautiful not so much. "There's something else holding him back too. I think it has to do with why the Alpha Female slapped the Alpha."

When Katrin didn't look too surprised, I knew immediately that she had at least a hunch about what was going on. Whatever she knew stopped her from being able to hold my gaze. She patted my hand, and plastered on a smile.

"Sometimes males need a little push. I certainly had to nudge Dirk a few times. Or you could take Aljana's approach." There was laughter in her voice and I tipped my head curiously but it was Wulf who spoke up.

"I was little more than a pup at the time. My older brother was sparring with Madden while I watched. Madden isn't much of a fighter and he wasn't fairing to well against my brother. Then in strutted Aljana. She pushed my brother away, helped Madden up and announced that she was tired of seeing him lose and if he accepted her offer to mate, he could focus on healing while she trained to be a warrior."

At first I was shocked at such a story and unable to believe a female would ever talk to a male like that. Then I pictured the couple in my head and found it sounded about right. I looked down as I smiled.

"I don't think Bjarke would take too well to that approach," I chuckled. It wasn't too hard to believe it had worked on a wolf like Madden. Besides, I wasn't looking to capture the Beta as a mate, I just wanted to do something meaningful with my freedom. I wanted to take something I wanted because I could.

"I would keep it as a backup plan," Wulf said. "Within the week, Madden had marked Aljana. Six years later and I think he's beginning to convince her that they should try for a pup."

I frowned at that. Six years together and they hadn't had a pup already? Six years was around twelve heats. How had they avoided a pup? My hand fell to my abdomen. I might never get that chance because years of starvation and beatings could have left me infertile. Madden had never said it but I'd seen it in his eyes.

"There is another thing you could try," Katrin added slyly, tapping her chin as she looked me over.

"What?"

"Seduction," she purred. "You share a bed, make him aware of that tonight. Maybe it's a little cold and you need to. . .cuddle in."

Her face was so serious as she discussed her plan for me to try. My giggles and shocked looks showed my naivety but when she was done whispering things I had no idea were done during sex, I felt a little wiser. I'd been a little offended when she'd asked if I knew what an orgasm was. Not all my couplings with Valdis had left me bruised. Sometimes, in his better moods, he'd shown me pleasure. But that was tainted by the times I'd found please even as I'd screamed for him to stop.

My shoulder slouched, stomach rolling and it took all my control not to lose my grip on reality. But Katrin promised me that wasn't how it was supposed to be. She promised if I ever did want to go that far with a male, no matter who it was in the pack, I wouldn't be treated that way.

"I don't know if I can do any of that," I mumbled, my cheeks in fire. And I didn't know now if I still wanted to.

"Maybe you won't have to. I see the way Bjarke watches you, and he wouldn't have kissed you at all if he didn't want to. He just wants you to be sure of yourself. Your whole life has changed, you need time to settle in," she comforted, squeezing my arm.

I nodded slowly, finding that a small part of me agreed with her. Maybe I did need time to find my way here, to feel at home. Though I couldn't believe any place could ever truly feel like home.

Wulf seemed happy our explicit conversation was over. The tips of his ears were still bright pink from listening to Katrin delve into details about all the things I didn't know.

"He's still a pup really," Katrin teased. "But he should learn these things too so he can really impress his first female."

She ruffled his hair as she walked back to her seat so she could finish mending her daughter's dress. I picked up the pestle once more to finish my own work just in case Sol would come by to scold me for taking so long.

"I've had females," Wulf argued, puffing himself up, but even I could see the lie in that and had to hide my smile. A smile that wavered when Bjarke appeared through the trees, ushering the pups he'd been training back to their parents.

I quickly busied myself mashing up the rest of the berries for Sol. Even with my concentration on the bowl in front of me, I could feel the Beta's approach. Fingers in my hair followed by a familiar rumble and I looked up at the male.

"Have you had a good day?" he asked, eyeing my dyed blue hands with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded, realising that for the first time in a very long time, I did have a good day.