Warring Logics (Book 1 of The Institute of Fantasiological Studies)

Something wet drips down my neck and I open my eyes having not realized I closed them again.

I look at the witnesses watching us closely. They say nothing, do nothing. I can’t see Lisa from where I’m sitting, but the two men in front of me are just staring at us.

It continues to feel like Max is… just there. I can feel him sucking on my neck, but little else. Every few seconds there is a slight twinge of pain, but this is nothing like I expected it to be. I thought it would be, well, like when von Graf bit me. With von Graf it was so much more… everything. Pain, emotions… pleasure.

Where is that now?

I feel a soft puff of air that feels almost like a sniffle. But I can’t turn my head to look at Max so I look to the witnesses who are looking at each other, the furniture, anywhere else.

Oh no.

Another puff of air, only this time I hear a sound. It’s quiet and sad like he couldn’t help but let it out.

Another drop of liquid tickles my neck. I’m no longer sure it’s blood.

I desperately look from person to person. Is this really happening?

I trusted him.

I unfurl my fingers from clutching my dress. I can already feel the weakness in my fingers. My head feels like it’s floating and I know I’m feeling the effects of minor blood loss. Soon maybe it will be major…

I close my eyes again before I force them back open. My eyelids are heavy, but I shouldn’t sleep now. I must resist this. I must try.

I attempt to lean away from Max. It’s more like falling slowly sideways, but it’s all I can do in my drowsy state. But I forget that I am cocooned with Max’s thighs on both sides and one of his arms wrapped across my chest.

I blink slowly. I try to keep my eyes from rolling back as I desperately try to gain the attention of the witnesses. I try to say something, but it comes out as soft mumbles.

The witnesses continue to look anywhere but at me.

The sucking at my neck continues.

How long does it take to die?

I blink again. I’m now leaning fully on Max as he continues to drain the life out of me. I’m going to become a vampire in the worst possible way, betrayed by the man I trusted, obligated to obey my creator who betrayed me. I did it all for the promise of true love, I’ll never have that now. I’ll be alone. And immortal. Living forever alone, there is nothing worse.

As my eyes drift closed for the final time I send out a quick prayer that this isn’t painful, but I think it’s in vain.

******

Horrible. Achy. Heavy. My mouth is gummy and dry. My eyelids feel thick. My head is pounding. I don’t think I can move from the lumpy cushions where I lie.

I think I’m still on the couch in the wooden sitting room.

I try to move a finger and I manage only a twitch.

“She’s awake,” someone says.

“Shhh, she might still be asleep” I know that voice. I open my heavy eyes to blinding golden light.

“Shit” I try to say but my mouth feels like it’s been filled with cotton balls. If this is what it feels like to be a vampire, I really can’t recommend it. I manage to raise my hand to shield my eyes from the light.

Ugh, I can make out the blurry face of Max in front of me, kneeling next to the couch, and someone standing behind him. Everything hurts. I blink a few times before I can see Max’s red-rimmed eyes and distraught look.

“Max?” I squeeze out, my voice is hoarse. I try to forward to sit up.

“Alexis” Max grabs my free hand, and I give up the idea of sitting up, “I’m so sorry. I really thought… I thought…”

A glass is shoved between us.

“Drink” it’s Lisa. I feel a hand on my back helping me sit up and Max lets go of my hand and backs off. Lisa helps me grab the glass with my weak hand and tips it up to my lips.

It’s not water but Gatorade or something similar. It feels wonderful in my dry mouth.

Max begins again, “Alexis, I didn’t mean-“

Lisa curses something at him in German. I almost smirk that I understand that much now. But I push away the cup from my lips. I need to talk to Max, I have to know what happened.

“Max” I manage to say.

“Alexis” he kneels on the floor next to the couch, “I really thought you were my beloved, I’m so sorry.”

I feel my eyes water. It’s my stupid fault. I should’ve just waited; maybe it would’ve become clear with time. Or maybe I would’ve figured it out somehow. I should’ve read more on beloveds.

I can’t help it, but my head bows as a tear slips from my left eye.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart, you still have von Graf” Max rubs my arm and I look at him through my lashes to see a tear fall down his cheek as well before he brushes it away with his other hand.

“He won’t want me, not now” more tears fall. I look up into Max’s face properly, “Can I… do I have a place here?”

*****

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