Warring Logics (Book 1 of The Institute of Fantasiological Studies)

Being a vampire is nothing like I thought it would be. I thought I would feel powerful and confident- ready to take on the world with my new strength and immortality. Instead, I feel sluggish and tired, with a huge side of regret.

I can’t look at Max or anyone. I look down at my hands wringing in my lap. If I can’t stay here, what will happen if I don’t have a coven?

“No, I’m sorry Alexis, but you can’t stay here,” Max says firmly, straightening his back. Panic courses through me and I dig my nails into my palms “I’ve done enough already, I can’t risk von Graf starting a war over you.”

I huff in mocking laughter. Starting a war over me? Right.

I decide something at that moment. Whatever has happened, happened. If Max wants me gone, so be it.

I stand abruptly, causing Max and Lisa to immediately jump up next to me. My head swims and I have to blink a few times to remove the floating black dots from my eyes. Shit.

Max frowns, reaching out his hand to steady me, “Alexis?”

Lisa chimes in, “Maybe you should sit down a-“

“I have to go” I’ll be damned if I stay here any longer.

“That’s not what I meant, Alexis, stay here for at least another hour and recover, and then Lisa will take you home” The faint redness across Max’s face hints at his crying. Maybe he did feel regret for turning me?

I look out the window. It’s pitch black and there is no way of knowing what time of the night it is.

“Is that how long it takes?” I demand pointing my finger at him. I’m so confused, I feel so normal- well I mean I feel terrible, but I don’t feel as different as I thought I would.

“How long what takes?” Max questions.

“The- the… you know, never mind” everything comes out confused, and I push past Lisa and begin to walk to the front door, “I have to go.”

I rush out of the room and grab my coat, not even bothering to throw it on before my hand is on the front door handle. I can hear Max telling Lisa to make sure I get home, but I just want to be alone.

I open the door and begin to run. In my mind I’m already halfway through the bottle of wine sitting in my fridge and watching terrible YouTube videos that are so stupid they numb the mind. That’s what I need; crave really, numbness from everything that happened.

Numbness from the fact that I lost my hope for true love in one stupid mistake.

I run along the sidewalk, well as fast as my little heels will allow me, the biting cold of the winter air stinging my limbs but I can’t be bothered to put my coat on.

A tear slips down my face and then another.

I hear someone call out in German. I turn my head towards the voice when my world spins.

“I’ve got you,” a voice says but I’m too dizzy to focus on who has picked me up. I close my eyes just willing everything to stop spinning.

Being a vampire sucks.

I don’t struggle, the English cluing me in that it was probably someone I know. I probably should’ve though, the man could’ve been a stalker or something.

The man walks with me in his arms and I throw my arms around his neck to try to ground my swimming head.

I finally peek one eye open, I need to see what is happening. I have to blink several times to believe my eyes. Hans of all people- er, um… vampires is carrying me bridal style. I twist my head forward. He is carrying me to a black car idling on the side of the street.

Von Graf is standing there, next to the car door like he just decided to pop out to check the weather. I grab onto Hans a little tighter. I don’t want to face von Graf, I don’t want to hear his words of accusation, and more importantly, I don’t want to hear his words of rejection.

I was hoping the rejection would be implied rather than explicit. I want to go home, pile covers over my head, and cry.

“Can you set me down?” my voice is barely above a whisper.

“Are you okay to stand?” Hans asks as he lowers me.

I nod, but as my feet touch the ground, I feel woozy. Nonetheless, I take a slow step forward, away from Hans and towards von Graf.

I feel von Graf’s judging eyes on me. I must look so pathetic, tears down my face, clothes wrinkled. While he looks… immaculate. His pressed pants hug his thighs while his tailored jack highlights his wide shoulders and trim frame. His face is harder to make out in the darkness of the night. But I can see his strong jaw clenched in hatred.

“Get in, Alexis,” he says in quiet fury before he moves away from the door of the car to let me in.

I look past the door into the darkness of the car. It’s a black hole of nothing that represents the future of our relationship.

I don’t argue. I’m too woozy, too tired, too heart sore.

So I go forward towards the inevitable doom that is my life. I nearly fall onto the car seat, sliding over to the far side- as far away as I can from von Graf as he glides in next to me. I set my coat and purse between us as a buffer.

As the car pulls away from the curb, I lean my head against the window of the car. My sense of misery overwhelming everything else.

I can feel von Graf’s eyes on me again.

*****

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