Waiting For Spring

The fire licked the walls of the building around me. The flames were so hot on my skin it felt as if it had been burnt away. Every breath I took filled my lungs with smoke until there was no air left to breathe. Lungfuls of smoke were trapped inside and no matter how I coughed or spluttered trying to dispel the air, it remained inside. Ashes spun through the space as if a snow blizzard had consumed the building. I felt paralysed from fear or from the fire and no matter how desperately I tried to move myself, I couldn’t escape.

Sparks filled my vision, scattering through the space like falling stars as a beam fell and shook the building so violently it was as if the earth itself was moving. The building moaned and the fire flared dangerously close to my already heated skin. My body now curled itself into a tight ball any thoughts of escaping evaporating as quickly as the fire stole the air from my lungs. The heat flowed against me in waves threatening to consume me, to swallow me whole until nothing of me remained. I wanted it to take me, to save me from the moment I would finally have no air to swallow. I wanted the flames to engulf me swiftly. I was tired of suffering.

Suddenly, the wall beside me began to crumble. Wood and sparks raining on the ground around me, threatening to catch alight but nevertheless remaining untouched. As the sparks settled, a silhouette moved through the dust and flames. It was a familiar figure. The one I saw every night in my dreams. Yet, this time, it felt wrong. He was later, slower, less familiar. With the flames at his back, Simon moved for me, a strange smile curling his lips. He wasn’t the same as all the other nights the dream had tormented my unconscious. He was older. He was no longer the ten-year-old Simon who had saved me all those years ago. He was my Simon, the Simon I had just seen in the woods. He was the Simon filled with secrets I had been too naive to ask. He stood before me with an expression that sent cold chills down my spine despite the heat of the fire around us.

I made to call out to him like I did every night but my words froze on my lips. Instead, he spoke, his voice dark and cold.

’This has always been your fate, Arlarose,’ he smirked. Frost filled my insides and it was as if the fire had dimmed. Its own power dulled by his words. Then he spoke again sending my head spinning. ‘Princess.’

In my desperation, I tried to make my way to him. I needed him. I had always needed him. He had saved me all those years ago. Why was he doing this now?

Just as I was close enough to reach for him, a wall of flames erupted between us. A maniacal grin filled his face as I continued to struggle against the relentless heat. His words running on repeat in my mind as finally whatever force had been keeping the waves of heat at bay receded. My skin burned the smell of flesh filling my senses as my screams filled the space the fire didn’t occupy. All the while he stood behind the flames watching.

‘Arlarose!’ My eyes flew open as two strong hands pinned me against the bed. My skin was alight with the fire that met me every time I closed my eyes. My screams echoing around the room as I tried to fight the arms from my shoulders.

Simon’s laughter rung out loudly in my ears. Almost, drowning out the screams or terror escaping me.

My nightgown was damp against my burning body and the sheets hadn’t fared any better. They were twisted tightly around my legs restricting my attempts to free myself.

‘F-fire,’ I gasped, my voice hoarse from my terror. My body had become sluggish, my breaths short and hard.

‘There’s no fire Arlarose. You’re safe now.’ A voice soothed before two firm arms lifted me from the mess that had become my bedclothes. I was rested gently against a thumping chest. Their own heart trying to keep pace with mine as I struggled to get closer. Their arms were wrapped tightly around my now trembling body as if they were afraid I might float away if they were to loosen their hold.

My trembling hands twisted tightly onto the shirt on the man’s chest. Still feeling trapped inside the burning barn, my lungs seemed to protest and scramble for clean air.

A hand ran gently along the length of my back as if willing my body to calm. Slowly, my breathing became smoother as my lungs tried to dispel the phantom smoke that had been constricting my lungs.

Someone whispered gentle words against my ears whilst gently rocking me only aiding my body as it began to unravel the terror. I kept my eyes open wide, afraid the dream would flash across my vision if I closed them again.

I don’t know how long we sat like that. It could have been hours or mere minutes. I clung to his every word and pulled myself closer as a chill started to fill my body. I wanted to absorb all his warmth and revel in his strength, his kindness.

As my body started to unwind, my mind started to work in overdrive.

‘You’re safe, my Rose,’ he murmured again and this time, I stilled at his words. What was he doing here? Why was he holding me this way?

Shame flooded my veins and in shock, I pulled back harshly from the man that held me. This didn’t match the man who had scolded me only yesterday. Or did my actions, my fears only confirm his beliefs that I was nothing but a child. A burden he was obligated to care for. A toy he needed to ensure wouldn’t break before he had used me properly.

Harshly, I pushed back from him but his arms didn’t loosen their tight hold. Panic again began to flutter wildly in my chest.

‘Let me go,’ I breathed, pushing uselessly at his chest. This wasn’t right. I wanted it to be wrong.

He simply hushed me in response, drawing me into his chest again where his scent quickly invaded my senses, melting my resolve.

‘You are safe here, my Rose,’ he whispered, running soothing fingers through my tangled hair. Then there was only silence.

He held me like no one had before and gave me the comfort I hadn’t known I’d been seeking. Tears fell freely from my eyes and I wasn’t sure when they had started or when they were going to end. I didn’t even bother trying to wipe them away.

‘What happened, Arlarose?’ He started, breaking the silence with a voice so gentle I was surprised to know it had come from him. ‘The guards informed me that Marla came to dress you but was unable to wake you. Then you started to thrash and scream as if the devil himself had laid his hands upon you. Your guards came to me demanding I be at your side because nothing they or Marla did could calm you.’ Concern laced his words and filled his eyes as I played with the thin cotton of his undershirt. I wanted to look anywhere but at the pity I knew would accompany the concern in his eyes.

When I continued to evade his gaze a strong finger curled beneath my chin and raised my eyes to his. Instantly, my suspicions were confirmed and a fresh wave of pain and anger ripped through my chest leaving stinging pain in its wake.

‘It was just a dream,’ I huffed, covering any of my emotions behind my anger. It was none of his business what I had suffered in my past.

‘Share this burden Arlarose. I may not have been there all those years before but I’m here now.’

‘Why do you care?’ I spat, pushing again at his chest. ‘What does it matter as long as I remain by your side?’ I glared up at him seeing a strange emotion flit across his face before again a solid mask of stone and ice filled his features. ‘You do not care for me any more than a master cares for his servants.’ His expression seemed to grow harder at my words. I wondered if anyone had seen behind the mask he shielded himself with.

He remained stoic, refusing to release me from his hold just as I refused to be the first to break his gaze.

‘It was just a dream,’ I repeated, his look seeming to only darken as I spoke. Feeling uncomfortable under his gaze my hand clenched tightly around my locket.

‘What is this?’ He asked, reaching up for my hand.

‘My locket?’ I frowned, trying to pull it out of his hold.

‘Arlarose, let me see,’ he asked gently.

‘I found it,’ I answered uncertainly as he unwound my fingers.

‘Where?’

‘I-I don’t know. I’ve had it ever since I can remember. I just assumed I found it.’ I shrugged, watching as he ran his fingers over the silver locket.

‘This is Paca Territorus’s royal crest,’ he mused, turning it over to the familiar engraving I often ran my fingers over. It had begun to wear. Over the years, it had started to grow fainter with how often I would turn to it for comfort, for hope. I hadn’t known who the crest belonged to and when I had asked Simon he had just dismissed it as a trinket. Nothing of any great importance to anyone.

I watched him closely trying to ignore the unsettling feeling that was building in my stomach. Why was that crest on the back of my locket?

‘Arlarose-’

‘My name is Rosie,’ I whispered, trying to ignore the defeated tone in my voice.

′Arlarose,′ he emphasised, resting a hand at the base of my neck. ‘This necklace was given to the princess of Paca Territorus on the day of her birth sixteen years ago by King Trenton and Queen Aisling.’ I felt sick. I felt as if all the blood in my body had drained away until all that remained was air. I felt as if I was floating.

He watched me as if expecting something but I didn’t know what I should say. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying. I’d been denying it from the day I had been dragged into his world but it seemed everything I had tried to convince myself over the past two weeks was about to unravel.

‘I guarantee you, Arlarose. When I open this locket their miniatures will be inside,’ he continued and all I could do was watch. I was frozen on his lap as he opened the well-used hinges of my locket. The familiar portraits revealed as he gazed at them with a strange look.

‘Trenton and Aisling?’ I breathed, finally giving names to the two people who I had been imagining were my parents for years. I had made so many stories, spent countless afternoons among the treetops imagining the life I could have had. Little did I know the truth behind the portraits. Little did I know, they were truly my parents after all and if they were my parents...

‘Do you remember anything about them?’ the king asked softly and I started before looking from my parents to him and then back again.

’I never even knew their names. I would spend hours imagining our lives together but in my heart, I never truly believed they could be mine.’ I admitted, running my finger over my mother’s face. My mother. She was mine. She loved me once. She had held me in her arms. She had tucked me in at night and held me in her embrace when I was scared.

‘They loved you fiercely,’ he answered, shutting the locket and returning it to my hand. He enclosed my fingers around it again and held it there for a beat longer than necessary but I didn’t mind. I found myself craving his warmth as I remembered what Troy had told me only yesterday about my new found father.

‘Your father was a proud man and fierce in his rule but the people loved him nonetheless. He brought your kingdom into an era of prosperity after the dry years. He was close to crossing The Great Oceanic Divide. He dreamed of trading with the peoples across the sea but war consumed him before he was able to make the crossing. His remaining years were used to fight the war that still rages between our two nations.’

Finally, he released my hand only to wrap his arm around my lower back and pull me against his chest again. My head rested neatly beneath his chin as his warm voice soothed any of the remaining panic from my dream.

‘What was my mother like?’ I asked quietly, shutting my eyes and picturing the woman from my locket. In my mind, she was ethereal. Her golden hair golden in the warm sunlight and sparkling emerald eyes filled with a love I had always dreamed of receiving. She smiled warmly at me, her arms wide, welcoming me into her embrace.

‘She seldom left the palace. Your father kept her well guarded because he knew, as did his enemies, that she was his greatest weakness.’ I felt the king tense beneath me and his arms flex around me. If I wasn’t mistaken I heard a tinge of kinship in the king’s tone almost as if he could understand the reasons behind my father’s actions.

‘He locked her up?’ I frowned, feeling my heart beat heavily in my chest.

‘He loved her passionately. He didn’t want to lose the reason his heart beat. He needed her more than anything else in this world.’ His words seemed to go deeper than my parents and I wondered if he would use the same reason to keep me locked up inside his castle.

‘Did my mother love him?’

‘Not at first,’ he chuckled shifting me to make himself more comfortable. ‘Your father loved your mother at first sight but she took some more convincing. Your mother was the daughter of a sheep farmer in the hills just outside Hyden, the main city in Paca. Your father was an arrogant prince and that day he was walking through the streets of Hyden, lording over his subjects. He got into a tussle with one of the local boys. He was toying with the boy. He was a prince with years of training to become a warrior whereas the boy he challenged was nothing more than a poor man’s son.’ I was failing to see the upside of my father and this, combined with what Troy had told me the day before was making me wish I never found out who my father was in the first place. My imaginings were better than the stories I was being told about the man who was charged with loving me unconditionally.

‘Your mother stepped between the two boys, demanding the prince stop before the young boy was seriously injured. Your father was so taken aback by her beauty and her bravery that he dropped his fists and was reduced to a babbling mess. She was a fearsome woman who challenged him in place of the boy. She was the only person who would stand up to your father, regardless of his title and his arrogance. She saw right through it and fell in love with the man beneath it. It was a love that instilled the people with hope for their future king who many feared would bring their country to ruin.’ I couldn’t believe this man was my father nor could I believe that the woman from that story who had stood up to her prince would ever allow the same man to lock her up so easily.

’Your father visited the marketplace every day after that, in search of your mother. He was rewarded a month later when she returned again with her father to sell their flock. He followed her around town like a lovesick puppy and hung from her every word. No matter that most of them were to insult him and demand that he let her be.

‘Eventually, your grandfather, King Mason, called your mother to the castle on the mountainside above the city. He was eager to the meet the girl who had reduced his warrior son to nothing more than a bag boy. ’

‘Did my grandfather approve?’ I knew even from my own experience on the streets that status governed all marriage arrangements. I had seen countless girls on the steps of the churches in the city, marrying men twice their age because of family pride and money. Girls were trained to be good wives and that was their only role. No matter what other talents they might possess. Despite my own living conditions, it was those girls that I pitied. At least in the lower rungs of society, they married for love or at the very least comfortable companionship.

’Your father was terrified that he wouldn’t. So, when he demanded that your father bring her before him, he instead, drew his sword. It is said that you grandfather laughed at his son’s antics and immediately ordered that the two were married. He wanted to avoid unsuspecting fools going anywhere near your mother and invoking war from the hotheaded prince.

‘They were married within the week and your mother was always the voice of reason to a king who was always ready to draw his sword first and ask questions later. She is believed to have been the architect behind travelling across the sea to trade with the peoples there. She never stopped standing up to your father, even though at times your father refused to listen. She was very much like a certain princess I know.’ I could hear the smirk in his voice as his arms squeezed me lightly.

‘I’m like my mother?’ I asked eagerly, twisting in his hold to get a better look at his smirking face.

‘You look exactly like her. It’s as if I am staring at a young Aisling.’ He said, running a hand through my blonde curls again. ‘Your loss was a hardship that broke her spirit.’ He continued bitterly. ’She had dreamt of having a daughter for many years. She loved her sons but you were her light.

‘When you went missing she shut herself off from the rest of the world. When she passed on your father followed soon after. Many say he died of a broken heart. Too broken to carry on after the loss of his love. The kingdom was then placed on your brother’s shoulders at the tender age of seventeen and by then the war had been raging for several years and he had no choice but to carry on.’ He was absently stroking my hair now, his eyes glazed as he lost himself in his own thoughts. What he was thinking of, I couldn’t tell.

‘Did he ever love me?’ I asked, snapping him from his thoughts as doubt ran like ice through my veins. ‘My father, did he love me at all?’

‘I don’t know, Arlarose,’ he sighed, his hand stilling in my hair. ‘Your disappearance was the greatest mystery of our time. No one knows what happened,’ he answered angrily but I could tell there was something hiding beneath his words. There was another truth he wasn’t telling me. Watching him, I wondered how far I could push. He had already revealed so much of my past when usually he was so tight lipped. How much more could I learn?

‘Can I see my friends?’ I asked, rushing on before he could say anything to deny it. ‘I know you have them locked up in the cells. I want to see them. I want them released.’

‘No,’ He answered simply, keeping his anger lurking just beneath the surface.

‘But-’

‘No, princess.’ He answered firmly. His hands moved to rest against my waist, gripping me tightly through my thin nightgown. ‘You have lessons. You don’t have time to converse with criminals.’

‘They aren’t criminals,’ I shouted, trying to push his hands from me.

‘They are thieves and con-artists. They are not fit for the company of a princess.’

‘They are my friends. I was one of them. I’ve stolen more than any of them. They are the only place I belong. Let me see them.’ I demanded again, hoping I didn’t sound as desperate and pleading as I felt.

‘They will be released when they have paid sufficiently for their crimes,’ he shrugged nonchalantly.

‘When is that?’

‘For most, the week. Others...I might never release them for the crimes they have committed,’ he finished darkly, his hands becoming painfully tight on my waist.

‘What?’

‘How much do you know about your friend, Simon?’ He ground out through clenched teeth.

‘Why? What have you done to him?’

‘Nothing,’ he frowned, sitting up straighter as he maintained my glare. ‘Although, he should be pulled apart piece by piece for the treachery he has committed against me.’

‘What are you talking about?’ I asked quietly, flashing back to the two strangers I had heard him talking to in the woods.

‘Tell me, Arlarose, did he ever see that scar or that locket in all the years that you knew him?’

‘Of course, he was the one that pulled me from the fire,’ I frowned trying to see why it was so important.

‘Anyone who lives in our two nations knows the story of how you got that scar.’ He explained.

‘I didn’t,’ I shot back darkly.

‘Because he didn’t want you to know.’ He answered simply. I didn’t care about the emotions he could see on my face. It didn’t make any sense. Why would Simon hide this secret from me?

‘He’s been keeping secrets, Arlarose. He can’t be trusted and I’ll be damned if I let you anywhere near him ever again. I’m not even sure I will allow him to live for keeping you away from me for so long. If your brothers learn of this I guarantee you they will have no qualms taking my side despite all our differences.’

‘You can’t,’ I breathed. I needed to see him. I couldn’t let him die down there. He had been with me since the beginning. This couldn’t be true. How could I trust the words of a man I had only just met? A man who I already knew had ulterior motives for turning me against my friends, for keeping me isolated. Simon couldn’t have known who I was. It doesn’t make any sense.

‘This is not up for discussion. Especially, after the actions you have displayed since being here. I have spoken to your tutor,’ he said, changing the subject as the shock and discomfort consumed me, rendering me speechless. ‘She has informed me you have been acting out in your sessions.’ He scolded but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when my world seemed to be shifting beneath my feet or just disappearing completely.

He continued to discuss how I needed to listen and berated me for my dismal behaviour as my mind ran with all the things he had told me about Simon. Was it really possible that he had been hiding me away? He had kept me from my family, my brothers, my mother. Then there was my father and my own people. Was there anyone who didn’t have a stake in my life? Was there anyone who didn’t believe they had a right to tell me how to live it?

‘Princess,’ he reprimanded and I snapped out of my thoughts to meet the face of an angry king. ‘Have you listened to a word I have said?’ He demanded and all I could do was look at him blankly wondering if there was anything I could say that would convince him otherwise.

‘Yes,’ I answered uncertainly, biting my lip as I waited for his response.

‘You are introduced to court in a week. If you want to be known as the uneducated, unrefined, feral child, then ignore everything she tries to teach you. She is here to prepare you.’ Stung by his words, I pushed harshly off his chest stumbling when I was out of his hold and standing on my own feet again.

‘I’m not stupid,’ I hissed. Crossing my arms tightly over my chest and glaring at the cold wooden floors beneath my bare feet.

‘You let your friend fool you-’

‘He didn’t fool me,’ I interrupted fighting the urge to stamp my foot. Knowing it would only confirm his belief that I was nothing but a child.

‘My courtiers will eat you alive if you are not prepared,’ he continued calmly, only causing my frustration to grow.

‘Then why are you forcing me to go?’

‘You will be my queen and as such you will be expected to monitor and entertain the lords and ladies of not only my kingdom but those from other nations as well. You need to be well versed in not only Citra’s history but every other nation as well. You will need to organise balls and parties-’

‘I’m going to be nothing but a well-dressed doll,’ I spat. ‘On display as the trophy, you think I am. You’re just afraid I will embarrass you because I’m not one of those mindless ninnies I’m sure you fill your court with.’ My body was vibrating with anger. An anger that threatened to consume me. I could feel his eyes on me as I continued to glare at the floor and I hated that he wasn’t yelling. He just sat there letting the silence fill the room until it was louder than a roaring ocean crashing against jagged cliff faces.

He continued to say nothing, even when I heard him get to his feet and make his way over to where I stood. He was so close I felt his body heat radiate from him and brush gently against my exposed skin. I was just about to say something when I felt the gentle press of his lips against my forehead followed by words so soft I thought I had imagined them.

‘You are no one’s trophy.’

Then he walked swiftly from the room, leaving me open mouthed and dumbfounded where I stood. I stayed that way until my maids arrived and I couldn’t say how long that was.