Unperfect

Mia

“Mia, I really need to get that photo of you today,” Verity told me. “You’re the one that said we have to have staff on the website with photos, but now the only person without a photo on there is you.”

Bugger. I was really hoping that nobody would notice that missing detail. What I should have done is just conveniently forgotten the fact that putting names to faces when you’re choosing a business to work with is invaluable. That having a staff list with photos is essential to any business website. But my bloody perfectionist streak would not let that fly.

“Sure.” I gave Verity an unconvincing smile and she studied me with her head cocked to the side and her arms crossed over her chest.

“You know you are as much a part of the team as anyone here, don’t you? You should be on that staff list. You deserve to be on there.”

“Of course,” I said with a sense of urgency now as I saw Max approach from his office. “I’ll get to it, I promise.”

“You don’t have to wait,” Verity said. “I’ve got the camera here. We can do it right now.”

“Oh … wow. I just think the lighting’s a bit off now. Lets do it tomorrow or … we can–”

“What’s the problem?” Max stood on the other side of my desk, his eyes flicking between Verity and me.

“Mia’s being shy about the website photo,” Verity told him, waving the camera in my direction. I wanted to shrink into the chair.

“You don’t want to have your photo taken?”

“Look, nobody is going to care who sorts out IT for you guys. The only ones they care about are the peeps who actually design the buildings. You don’t have the cleaning crew on the website.”

“Don’t put yourself down,” Max told me, his voice edged with annoyance. “You’re just as important to the running of this company as anyone else in this office. Well, anyone but Yaz. We’d probably survive fine without her.”

Yaz gave him a one-finger salute from across the floor. She’d been arranging aromatherapy diffusers all over the office for the last hour. It smelt like a spa on steroids in here.

“Come on,” Max said, gesturing for me to stand. “I’m not going to have some ghost working in the company. We need everyone front and centre. It looks better if we have more employees visible. Like we’re a sustainable company. The photo is non negotiable.”

“I will not have my photo on your website,” I told him through gritted teeth, my anger rising.

He was so bossy!

I wasn’t in the mood for this today. I still couldn’t seem to get a sodding bank account. The manager in Barclays simply told me there was nothing he could do – as if I wasn’t a person worth an account. Now all I had was £50 left over from my cash payment from last pay day. Mary, who sorted the finances, had already asked for my bank account details twice today for payroll. I needed that account and I needed to have enough money to stay somewhere secure. What I did not need to do was publish yet more evidence of my whereabouts on a public website.

Since Nate had visited last week I’d been in a state of permanent panic. I didn’t believe in coincidences – Adrian must have told Nate that he saw me in London. It was sheer luck that I’d managed to avoid him when he’d been in the office. I wasn’t leaving anything to luck anymore. Over the last few days I’d done some digging of my own. Nate was one of the potential investors for the eco village project, but when I’d casually brought it up his name with Verity she’d frowned and told me he was a horse’s arse. Apparently he had stipulated a lot of cost cutting demands for the project before he would invest, but his changes would compromise the carbon neutrality of the houses and she told me Max wasn’t keen to do that at all. So it looked as though the company wouldn’t be working with Nate after all, but I still wasn’t reassured enough to let them put my picture on the website.

“You bloody well will,” Max snapped. “And … and you’ll eat lunch too. It’s two o’clock and you haven’t left your desk all morning.”

My eyes went wide and I stood up from my chair to take a step away from him. He was too close. I hadn’t been this close to him since the copy room incident last week. It seemed as though he’d given up trying to extract information from me. Which is what I wanted. He was my boss. A much more appropriate employer-employee relationship was better for everyone.

At least that’s what I told myself.

But there may have been a teeny part of me that was hurt. It was the same part that still had hope that I could not only recover from what Nate did to me, but that I could be happy again. The same part that actually acknowledged the real reason Max unsettled me so much. The rest of me, being far more sensible and way too jaded by experience, knew that my attraction towards Max was ridiculous, could never lead anywhere, and was the last thing I needed.

So I was happy Max had been treating me like any other employee. At least most of me was – a good ninety-five percent … give or take. Therefore I did not need him to invade my personal space, show concern for my eating habits again and be an insufferably bossy bastard. Not if I wanted to continue squashing that little teeny tiny five percent.

“I will not have my photo taken!”

It was only after the office fell silent that I realised I’d raised my voice. I was as shocked as anyone to be honest. I didn’t think I’d raised my voice to another person in years. But my picture was not going on that website, and whether or not I ate lunch was my own damn business.

“Mia,” Verity’s calm voice cut through the tension. She had gone from regarding me with irritation to some concern. “Let’s discuss this in private, okay?”

I glanced at Max and noticed he was looking down at my hands with a frown on his face. I forced myself to relax my fingers from the tight fists they had bunched up into.

Heat crept up my face as I cleared my throat. “Right,” I said. “Good idea.” Without looking back at Max I followed Verity to her office, the rest of the staff watching every step I took. It didn’t surprise me that when I went to shut the door behind me Yaz barrelled in. But I was shocked when Max followed in her wake. Verity glanced at them both after Max shut the door. She rolled her eyes but didn’t ask them to leave.

“So, what’s going on?” Verity asked, leaning against her desk and staring straight at me.

Max

She looked like a cornered animal again and I felt my chest clench. Over the last two weeks Mia had largely lost that look. She didn’t flinch at sudden noises, her eyes weren’t full of shadows like before and she smiled. Not at me, never at me, but it happened. I watched her smiles and her growing confidence from a safe distance.

“Is this because you’re planning on leaving?” Verity asked, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. “Because if you’ve been in talks with a competitor, I’ve got to tell you that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. Especially after we gave you a chance when you first came to us without even a proper CV.”

“I-I-I wouldn’t go to a competitor,” Mia stammered, her face stricken that Verity would think so poorly of her. “Of course I wouldn’t. I–”

“Well, if you won’t go on the website,” Verify interrupted, “then you obviously don’t consider yourself a permanent member of staff. Which I think is a bit–”

“You think I would give up my job here?” Mia’s stammer had gone now and her fists were once again clenched at her side. “Do you have any idea how much this job has meant to me?” Verity’s eyes widened with shock at Mia’s rising tone and she went to take a step forward but Mia held up a hand to ward her off.

“Mia, I–”

“When I came here I looked like a … what was it, Max? A ‘scrawny emo teenage weirdo’. And despite that, you employed me. I will never forget that you gave me a chance. Not ever.” Her last words were shaky and a film of tears was shimmering over the blue of her eyes.

“Oh Mia, I–” Verity was cut off again. Twice in one conversation was unheard of for Verity.

“And I haven’t exactly been the model employee since then, have I?” Mia’s voice shook. “I spilt tea all over that model, I’ve refused to work on reception, I stole …” she broke off. Her eyes closed briefly and she swallowed before continuing in a hoarse voice, “I may have stolen some food from the kitchen. I’ve lied and …” She broke off as a small sob worked its way out of her mouth before she tamped it back down, blinking away the film of tears that had sprung up in her eyes and forcing her face into a blank expression again. The control she had over her emotions was almost eerie. Yaz went to approach her, but Mia stepped back and put up a hand to ward her off.

“Mia, stop this now,” I said in a firm voice. “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again. Understand me?”

“Max, you don’t have to–”

“No, Mia, I’m serious. Do you have any idea how much value you’ve added to the company? Why do you think Verity’s turned all paranoid about you leaving? You’ve sorted out the BIM for all of our recent projects. You’ve helped every single person in this office and saved thousands of man-hours. I don’t give a fuck if you’ve eaten some of our food. Why are you even worried about having a cheeky bit of toast in the kitchen?” Goddamn it – now my voice was getting all choked up. I could feel my man card slipping out of my grasp.

“Mia, I’m sorry I accused you of going behind my back,” Verity said softly, her voice also a little choked. “I had no idea you felt like this. You’re not our indentured servant just because I gave you a chance when you needed one. I hope you know that. I hope you stay because you want to stay. Are you … I mean do you need money? Are you in some kind of trouble? We don’t care about the food but if you need help then you only have to ask.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Mia said tilting her jaw to a familiar stubborn angle. I had a strong impulse to drag her across the office hold her against me, but I knew that would make me seem more than a little weird and inappropriate. “I just had some financial problems for a while, but that’s all sorted now. The only thing I need is for you not to push me about the photo. I’m asking not to even be listed on the website as an employee. It won’t be forever. But for now I can’t have that kind of exposure.”

“Okay, Mia,” Verity said, searching her face. “But we’re here if you need us, right?”

“Right, of course.” Mia’s assurance was completely unconvincing, but it was clear that she had confided as much as she was willing to us. I decided not to push her for now.

Something I would regret.