Unperfect

Mia

I froze in my seat as cold fear trickled down my spine.

Nate was here.

I felt his presence before I heard the sound of his voice. The air around me felt thick. I made a conscious effort to slow my breathing. I couldn’t afford to descend into panic. Not now.

“We would have come to you if you wanted to meet,” Max said. “Chuffed we’re down to the last two candidates. Your partner Adrian’s a good bloke.”

“Yes, well Adrian spoke very highly of you all,” Nate replied, oozing his standard confidence and charm. “I wanted to see the inside of the company for myself before we took the final decision.”

Oh God. Now I could see why Adrian was at that meeting. This project Max was working so hard to bid for was owned by Nate’s company. I mean I knew when I took this job there was a slight chance of there being some involvement with Nate’s company, but my skills in BIM weren’t really all that transferable, and I had thought that this would be far enough away from London. Why was my luck such complete crap?

 “And there are alternative opportunities I’m exploring with the other arm of my business. I’m thinking of converting some of the luxury family hotels we own into eco hotels. I’m selling quality and that doesn’t gel with tired design. Can’t charge the punters twenty quid for a blob of hummus if they’re not eating it in the most modern, luxurious, environmentally friendly surroundings money can buy. It needs a total revamp.”

Max chuckled. “Jesus, that’s a lot for some mushed up chickpeas. You must be printing your own money, mate.”

“Max,” Verity started to say in a warning tone but Nate laughed.

“Don’t worry,” he said, his good-natured charm coming to the fore. “Rich people can be difficult to separate from their money, but I’m selling a lifestyle. In the redesign I need multiple photo op points and I need them to be Intsagrammable in the extreme.”

“Of course, Mr Banks,” Verity put in smoothly. “We can–”

“Call me Nate,” he interrupted. “By the way. How’s the whole Brexit mess hitting the business. You having to shrink the company?’

“We’re doing alright. It’s been a pain in the arse but we should get through.”

“Still expanding are you? I always think that growth shows the health of the business. Any new hires recently?”

My stomach churned and I suppressed the urge to vomit. I couldn’t see them as my back was to the entrance to the office, but I knew Nate was surveying the scene. Thank God my hair was not the same long dark blonde. I tensed in my chair. I could almost feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

“A couple,” Max said. I exhaled slowly the breath I’d been holding and gripped the edge of the table to stop myself running away. “Shall we go through to Verity’s office now?” he offered, his tone hinting at impatience.

“Sure.” I heard their footsteps then the door to Verity’s office closing, after which I pushed back from my desk and stood abruptly.

“You okay, babes?” Yaz asked, glancing up from the reception to give me a curious look.

“I’m fine,” I whispered. “J-just got some copying to do so I’ll …” I trailed off as I sidled towards the copy room. Once I made it inside I breathed a huge sigh of relief and rested my head against the door for a moment.

Well, Nate didn’t seem any the worse for wear. I should have only felt relief. But the familiar fear wrapped around me, threatening to choke off my air supply. I backed away from the door and hit my hip on the industrial printer. Moving around it I pushed into the space between the machine and the wall until my back was pressed against the brickwork. I then slid down until I was sitting on the floor. I buried my face in my knees, started singing The Wombles under my breath, and focused on slowing my breathing. My head jolted up when I heard the handle of the door move.

“Yo,” Yaz said, her eyebrows drawing together as she saw me. Luckily she slipped into the room quickly and shut the door behind her. “So,” she said, coming up right next to me and then sliding down to sit on her bottom on my other side. There was only really room for one person in the small space. She had to wiggle herself in between me and the wall. Her ever-present disregard for personal space made me smile even though I still felt sick with nerves. “What are we doing?”

“Yaz–”

“I love that tune by the way.” She started humming the Wombles tune under her breath and then singing it softly. After the first couple of lines I joined in. When the song was finished the absurdity of the two of us trapped next to a photocopier, singing The Wombles theme tune permeated and I even managed a small smile. Yaz turned to me in the enclosed space and returned it before he eyes strayed to my hairline.

“You have roots coming through, babes,” she said as she started pawing my hair like a monkey would its baby. “Not sure what was up your wazzer when you decided on this super-emo look. You’re a blonde, aren’t you?’

“Yaz, really I don’t think …” I trailed off as I heard Max and Nate’s voices again. They must have come out of the office. My body froze and on instinct I reached for Yaz’s hand and gripped it tightly in mine. 

“Mia?”

“Shh!” I said, gripping her hand tighter as the voices and footsteps passed by the door in front of us. As they faded I loosened my hold and took in some much-needed oxygen.

“Okay,” Yaz said slowly. “I love that we’re bonding and all, but there’s a chance I may need to get an x-ray later.’

“Shit, sorry,” I muttered as I let go of her hand. She shook it and then flexed her fingers before reaching over, this time taking my hand in both of hers. She gave me a smile just as the door was flung open and light from the office flooded our hiding place. Max looked down at us, blinked a couple of times, and then put his hands on his hips.

“What on earth is going on?” he asked.

“None of your bee’s wax, big man,” Yaz said, rolling her eyes and wiggling her bum in an attempt to dislodge herself. After a full minute she gave up.

“I think we’re stuck,” she told Max. Despite my anxiety I felt my lips twitching as he let out a long-suffering sigh. When I couldn’t hold it in any longer I started giggling. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush of Nate coming to the office and subsequent relief of him then leaving. I hadn’t laughed like this in months. “Okay, babes,” Yaz said through her own giggles. “We’re both going to have to wiggle at the same time. Three, two, one wiggle!” When that didn’t work either, Max muttered fuck’s sake under his breath as he leaned forward and grabbed Yaz’s hand then mine, pulling us up together in one swift motion. Yaz of course sprung up and balanced on her feet with practiced ease. I barrelled up into Max, losing my balance and falling face first into his chest. Both his large hands came up to steady me against him and I felt my face flood with heat as my heart started beating double time.

But it wasn’t fear this time with Max. I wasn’t scared of him now. It was awareness. Awareness of his strong jaw, his hard, muscled body against mine, his smell: clean soap, maybe a hint of aftershave and undertones of pure Max. I felt drunk on it and I wanted to touch him so badly it almost felt like a sickness. I hadn’t felt that way in years.

After a beat he took a big step back from me, taking his hands away when he was sure I was steady. The speed of his retreat would suggest that Max did not feel drunk on anything about me, which wasn’t that much of a surprise, but it still smarted. Whatever shred of pride I still had left took a hit.

“What were you guys doing?” he asked, there were two slashes of colour high on his cheekbones which I attributed to his annoyance. He was looking straight at Yaz but avoiding eye contact with me.

“Mindfulness,” Yaz said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be doing down the side of a photocopier. “It’s totally trendy now. Mia and I were taking in our surroundings and appreciating the small things.”

“Appreciating your surroundings … in the copy room?”

“Yes.” Yaz gave him a withering look. “The blank walls, the whir of the inner workings of the machine. It’s all perfect for meditation. Aren’t you up to speed with mindfulness? I sent you another memo last week.”

He looked from Yaz to me and then sighed. “I haven’t got time for this bullshit right now. Ladies, if you’re finished meditating during company time would you please consider maybe doing your jobs?” I looked at him and gritted my teeth. So far today I had achieved more than the whole rest of the admin team put together.

Yaz rolled her eyes and gave Max the finger behind his back as he turned away. I smiled and was about to step out of the copy room after him when fear and paranoia gripped me again.

“Yaz,” I whispered, grabbing her arm before she could flounce away.

“What’s up?” she asked, stepping back into the copy room when she saw my expression.

“The man that was with Max.”

“Oh yeah – Hottie McBusinessman. Clocked him big time before I came to find you.”

I swallowed down my nerves. “Is he still out there?”

Yaz stepped out of the copy room and scanned the office. “Nope, Sexy Pants has vamoosed. Do you want me to chase him down and get his number for you?”

“No!” I shouted, grabbing her arm again with a little more force this time. Her smile faded and she tilted her head to the side. “Mia, you okay?” I looked down at the hand that was gripping her arm and realised it was shaking.

“Sorry, sorry,” I muttered, letting her go and trying for a smile – not a convincing one if Yaz’s concerned expression was anything to go by.

“Mia, can you help me? I’m making a right pig’s ear out of this bollocks,” Max boomed all the way from his office, making me jump about a foot in the air, such was my residual fight or flight instincts around Nate. I started moving towards him but Yaz stopped me, taking a gentle hold of both my shoulders as she turned me to face her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You can talk to me. I know I come across a little … well okay, a lot … ditzy, but you can count on me. If you’re in some sort of trouble or–”

“Yaz, will you bloody well let her go so she can do her sodding job!”

“Oh, bugger off, you overgrown bed wetter,” she shouted back. “We’re having a moment here.”

I got up on my tiptoes to look past Yaz’s shoulder and saw that Max’s face was turning a deep shade of red and his eyes were spitting fire. Even I felt for him with that one. Having your sister call you a bed wetter in front of all your staff was not ideal.

“I better–”

“Oh don’t mind him,” she told me, rolling her eyes and then taking a hand off my shoulder to give Max the middle finger again. “The roids have addled his mind.’

“I can hear you, you know,” Max said.

“Well, stop being such a dick then,” Yaz said, winking at me. Max looked about ready to explode.

“I’ll speak to you later,” I lied to Yaz and then went to duck out of her grip, but instead of letting me go she pulled me in for a hug.

“I know you won’t really tell me anything later,” she whispered in my ear. “But you just need to know I’m here for you, alright?” I felt a lump build in my throat and swallowed it down.

“Thanks,” I whispered back and she let me go so I could walk over to an enraged Max. 

Max

Mia finally stepped into the office and I shut the door behind her.

“What was that all about then?” I asked.

She darted me a hunted look before replying. “Nothing.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why were you guys in the copy room?’

“Er … like Yaz said – meditating.”

“Meditating my arse,” I muttered. “Why did Yaz need a moment with you?”

Mia shrugged. “I don’t know. Why does Yaz do anything? So, what’s the problem you need help with?”

She moved around my desk to stare at the desktop and I felt inexplicably annoyed. The reason I’d been so insistent that she come to my office was because I wanted to get her away from Yaz. She’d looked like she’d seen a ghost in the copy room and then when she was talking to Yaz a minute ago she looked trapped, hunted. Of course, it was nothing to do with me if she was having deep meaningful exchanges with my sister. How was that my business? But for some reason that hunted expression on her face had my gut churning and made my chest feet too tight. Yaz was clearly upsetting her and I wanted to put a stop to it. But, more than that, I wanted to know what was so wrong that Yaz of all people would look serious for once. I wanted Mia to confide in me. Which was ridiculous. As if I was any good at solving other people’s problems. Look at the mess Teddy and I were in. If only I were smooth and charming like Heath. People trusted Heath. Nobody was scared of him and he didn’t stick his foot in his mouth twenty times a day.

“If there’s a problem at work you’re better telling me than my sister,” I told her, sounding like a complete dick, again. What was wrong with me?

“There’s no problem,” Mia told me, still looking at my bloody screen instead of giving me any eye contact. Her voice was smooth and devoid of any emotion, but when I looked down at her hands I saw they were bunched into small fists and her knuckles were white. Something had rattled her. Badly.

“Do you want me to come back later?” she asked, still in that smooth, expressionless voice. I grumbled under my breath and moved around the desk to get to the computer. As soon as I was within a foot of her she practically jumped out of the way, but not before I caught a faint smell of lemons and soap. For some reason, in that moment, I found that combination more appealing than any complicated perfume I’d smelt on other women before.

I scowled at the computer and showed her some random file I pretended I was struggling with. She waited for me to move right back before she took my seat. Her fingers started flying over the keyboard. Watching her work was like watching some sort of magic. Different screens would flash up and disappear. She’d scan bits of computer code like she was reading a road signs and add her own code just as fast. Within seconds she’d solved the problem I didn’t even know I had. Once done she shot out of the chair and nipped around the desk.

“All sorted,” she said over her shoulder.

“Mia,” I called just as she had reached the door. “Er … I …”

Tell me what’s wrong.

Tell me how I can help.

Trust me.

“You really should be available if there’s an IT crisis.” Is what I actually managed to get out.

She gave me a steady look.

“An IT crisis?”

Her lips twitched and I clenched my jaw, aware that I was sounding a little crazy.

“That is why we’re employing you.’

“I will endeavour to stay in your eye line at all times, poised to sprint into action in the event of other IT crises. Happy?”

Smart arse.

But at least she wasn’t clenching her fists anymore.