Toka-Ace #1: The Re-Emergence

We were a couple of months into the school year. In Milwaukee, people were cheering on the Packers and summer was receding, giving way to fall.

I was a sophomore now. Anything was better than being a freshman. The first couple of weeks were always a little lax as everyone settled into their new roles, and found their new classrooms and met their new teachers.

Before the school year began, I made a vow to myself. This was to be the year that I overcame my social anxiety and came out of my shell. I imagined how charming I’d be. I would take everyone by storm with the wit and personality that had always been suppressed by the blanket of angst that was draped over me. I would throw that blanket off and become someone whose very presence was celebrated. I would be someone whom people flocked to.

I firmly believed that I could do it. Making friends with Alex and May was a strong start. I believed that I was on my way.

But two weeks into the school year, and I had started to falter in my ambition of being hugely popular. Then it fell through. I felt bad for talking up my progress to mom. Well, I wasn’t cut out to be very popular anyway. I’d be much happier having a few really close friends.

Around school, Alex had gained respect from people of every grade. He was as outgoing as I aimed to be. Even some of the seniors who graduated last year liked him. He was one of the few freshmen that had been invited to senior parties.

May was different. She was an honor roll student and someone that my foster brother wanted to date. Andrew said that she was playing hard to get. May would say that she wasn’t playing but then she would bat her eyelashes at him. They had the whole teasing dynamic going for them. May was nice enough. Even though she was attractive, I really didn’t have any romantic feelings for her.

Elyse. She had brown skin the color of cinnamon. She was cute with a small nose and big beautiful dark eyes. Her raven-colored hair reached the middle of her back and she was short and slender.

I really hadn’t meant to let my attention slide off of the history lecture, but it was the final class of the day. Besides, Elyse was so beautiful sitting off to my right.

I met Elyse through May. Both of them were on the student council. My social anxiety makes it nerve-wracking to meet people and be in social situations. The thought of Elyse being my girlfriend excited me; at the same time the thought of walking up and asking her terrified me. I knew on a cerebral level that there was nothing to be nervous about since we got along so well anyway.

I wanted to just ask Elyse out. I wondered how I would ask her. What would I say? Where would we go on our date if she said yes?

Then my angst kicked in. What if she said no? What if she thought I’m weird for asking her? Worst of all what if she said that we should be “just friends?”

I took deep breaths and tried to assure myself that that would not happen. I looked over to my left and behind me. I realized that May had caught me staring at Elyse. She grinned.

May mouthed the words, “Go for it.” I turned back feeling slightly more encouraged.

The history teacher Mr. Wierman, was a tall stern-faced man with a square jaw line, thinning brown hair and sunken eyes. He wore a suit with elbow patches and a tie. His dull monotone would have made it difficult to be engaged by what he was saying even if I hadn’t had Elyse on my mind. “I’ll end the lecture here for today.” he said. “Be sure to read pages twenty to thirty-two and answer the questions on page thirty-three for your homework tonight.”

I looked at my notes. I’d spent the class period drifting in and out. My notes reflected it having only part of what he said written down. The rest was doodle.

The last five minutes of class everyone spent talking and getting ready for the dismissal bell. My best friend/foster brother Andrew came walking up to me. He was beaming his ever present smile. Andrew was the same size as me. He had short, brown, cropped hair and his green eyes saw the humor in everything. He was one of the handful of people who didn’t trigger my anxiety. I felt like I could really be myself with him.

“What’s on the agenda for tonight Troy?” he asked. At any other time I would have indulged him but I had something that I wanted to do. “Hold on a minute.” I said. I walked over to Elyse. I pushed my anxiety aside. My desire is stronger than my angst, I told myself silently.

Elyse was stretching as she stood. She started gathering her books. “What’s going on, Elyse?” I asked, doing my best to come across as casual.

Elyse smiled. “Nothing much, How are you today Troy?”

“I’m awesome,” I said.

“That’s good.”

“Oh no, that’s not how I’m doing: I’m just awesome,” I joked.

Elyse laughed. “Okay Mr. Awesome, how are you today?”

“Actually, I’m not doing so good,” I said.

“Aw, why not?” Elyse asked.

“Because I had plans to go out to this Persian food place and have dinner on Saturday, but I have no one to go with. You see it’s a bit of a problem.” I smiled and gave Elyse a meaningful look. “If only,” I put my arm around Elyse and looked her in the eye. “I had someone to go with me. You wouldn’t happen to know someone who would be interested in going with me would you?”

Elyse’s smile widened. “Troy Haden, are you asking me out on a date?”

“Well, if you want to label it a ‘date’ and you’re comfortable with that term…” I let it hang and then grinned at her to let her know that she didn’t have to take me too seriously.

“Okay.” she said. “I’d love to go out with you.”

My heart fluttered and my knees grew weak. I did my best to contain my idiot grin.

Elyse and I exchanged numbers just as the bell for dismissal rang. We parted ways as we left the classroom. Elyse went with May in one direction and I walked with Andrew in the direction of our lockers.

The halls were alive with the sound of people talking, laughing, and metallic locker doors being slammed shut. Andrew and I pushed our way through the crowds and made our way to our lockers.

Once Elyse was out of sight I couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re cheesin’ hard,” Andrew commented.

I am not what you might call a “player” but I can attract a girl or two. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

“So what did you say to her?” Andrew inquired.

“I asked her to go on a date with me and she said yes,” I said.

“Nice.” Andrew nodded his approval. “That’s as smooth as I’ve ever seen you.” He faked wiping away a tear. “My little boy is growing up.”

Andrew and I had to walk home because Mom was going to meet a friend of hers. I didn’t mind. There was a Wendy’s that wasn’t that far away from our house that Andrew and I went to.

I was disappointed that Mom wasn’t at home. I wanted to brag about my date. She would have been proud.