Toka-Ace #1: The Re-Emergence

I was unable to move, although I was anxious to get away. I willed for myself to run. I could feel my brain fire the order to my legs, but my legs only gave a twitch. I was completely immobile save for my fearful trembling.

Darkness choked off everything. Though I could not see, I knew there was something in this darkness. Something that wanted me. A wave of terror washed over me. I shuddered and my fear welled up from deep within.

I had a feeling that the malevolent…thing…in the darkness was delighting in savoring the helplessness of its prey. It could get me at its leisure. In a moment it would finish me. It wouldn’t eat me. It would use my tremors of terror to invade me and disintegrate me from the inside. It would destroy me molecule by molecule until nothing at all remained.

My trembling became more severe as my flesh and bones fell away bit by bit. I couldn’t inhale or breathe out. Everything was starting to spin. I could feel less and less of my own body. I was about to die.

I lurched forward and pushed myself up; I gasped and was breathing hard. My heart was pounding away like a jackhammer. I was in a different sort of darkness. A shaft of moonlight speared in through my window.

I took deep breaths, calming myself as I took in more details of my bedroom: my bookshelf, my desk, and my chair, my television. There was no sinister creature here. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was four o’ clock in the morning. I already knew that I wasn’t going to get anymore sleep tonight.

The nightmare had been a staple in my mind ever since I could remember.

I threw my covers back and pushed myself out of bed. I shuffled my tired feet to the bathroom where I threw some cold water on my face and rubbed the sleep out of barely awake eyes. I sighed and stared stupidly at my reflection for a long moment. I am peached skinned with an oval shaped head. I had brown eyes and long, thick, wool textured black hair that I pulled back into a ponytail. I’m five foot ten. I’ve been called ‘cute’ before but I don’t worry so much about my looks.

I went downstairs, turned on the dining room light and read a book. My journal was next to me, so I wrote that I had the nightmare again and I put down the journal, not having much else to write about.

The house was quiet. My family was still asleep. I lived with my adoptive mother, Beatrice, and my foster brother, Andrew. Even though I knew I was adopted I referred to Beatrice as Mom and Andrew as my brother.

I sat at the table reading a book on hummingbirds. It was one of the many nature books that my mother was so obsessed with. In general she took an interest in science, especially animals. She would leave books all over the house despite telling Andrew and me to be neat and orderly with our things.

I continued reading. Did you know that the wings of a hummingbird get lift from both sides when they flap? That’s how they can hover and even fly upside down for brief periods of time. That makes them a unique creature in the avian world. I’d never expected a simple hummingbird to be so interesting.

It didn’t matter how tired I was, I had never been able to get to sleep whenever I had this nightmare. So I figured that I would just stay awake and read until it’s time to get ready for school.

I stayed absorbed in that book until I heard footsteps on the stairs. I looked over at the clock. It was four thirty. I knew it was Mom. There’s nothing on earth that would get Andrew to wake up this early.

My mother was talking into her cell phone.

I was puzzled and then I flashed a smile as she reached the bottom of the stairs and spotted me.

She smiled back at me and kept walking towards the kitchen.

She listened to the person that she was talking to and I knew her well enough to know that she was pacing. My mother always paced when something was vexing her.

I wondered who she was talking to this early in the morning.

“That is serious.” I heard her say. “Someone tried to abduct her?”

I felt a jolt at the word “abduct”. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but the house was so quiet. I tried to plunge my attention back into the book that I was reading. If I were smarter, if I had had some measure of foresight I would have paid attention to my nightmare and my mother’s conversation.

I heard Mom say a few more things to the person on the other end. “I’ll call you back after I send my sons to school.” She paused. “Okay. Talk to you later.”

I pretended that I didn’t hear anything.

Moments later a glass of water was placed on the table in front of me.

“So you had the nightmare again?” she asked.

I nodded.

Beatrice Weatherbee was a short woman, standing only five foot six. She kept her grey-streaked dark hair in a bun. Her eyes were not yet dull or milky like those of most people who were entering old edge; rather they had an edge of brilliance to them.

At the moment she looked concerned. “Looks like the medication didn’t work,” she sighed. “Back to the drawing board.”

We had tried every method we could to exorcise this nightmare from my mind: hypnosis, altering my diet, and therapy. Our latest attempt was medication. Now we would need something new.

“There has to be a cause. Some kind of psychological trigger for the nightmare.” my mother stated. She put her index finger to her chin and tapped her chin with her finger.

I sighed. “I guess I’m just going to have to live with this forever.”

Mom went from looking vexed to looking pained. “That’s not an attitude I like you having.”

“What?” I asked.

“Just giving up like that.” she replied. “If there’s something wrong then you need to help yourself. Don’t defeat yourself by refusing to help yourself. Always remember that.” She looked straight at me her eyes locked on mine. Her voice was stern and determined. “Don’t ever give up.”

It struck me as strange that Mom would make such a big deal out of that one little statement. At the time I thought nothing of it…

“Ooookay,” I said slowly.

“You know, Troy, I have a theory,” Mom said returning to her normal tone.

“What?” I asked.

“For as long as I can remember you’ve stuck yourself in the wallflower role. In your dream, that’s the reason that you can’t move. I think that it’s because, on some subconscious level, you see yourself as that guy. You’re being eaten because you secretly believe things will always be like that.” Beatrice hypothesized.

It made sense. I cocked my head. “Interesting. How did you come up with that?”

“I was talking to one of my old friends the other day. His name is Doctor Adam White. He’s a psychologist.” my mom said.

“I’m pretty sure his mom didn’t name him ‘doctor’.” I said jokingly.

“You know what I mean.” Mom said trying not to laugh.

“In any case you’ll be happy to learn that I am not so much a wall-flower anymore.” I said proudly. “I’ve been making an effort to be more outgoing this year.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“That’s wonderful.”

“I’ve made new some friends this year,” I bragged. “There’s Alex, May, and Elyse.”

“Elyse?” Mom questioned. She smiled. “Oh yes, the one Andrew says you have a little crush on.”

“Mom,” I groaned.

Mom laughed.

I felt my cheeks redden.

Mom got up. “Well, Romeo, you can get ready for school.”